I said a little out of breath.
"Hey babe," said the other end. Of course, it was Leo, who else would it be.
"Hey," I said coming back to reality, "are you feeling better?"
"A little, I've been trying to take the medicine as you told me."
"Oh, OK good," I said with difficulty.
"Did you get the flowers?"
"Yeah, they were gorgeous," as always, I wanted to add but didn't.
"I'm so sorry Jer," he whined and sniffed, I was sure he was squeezing out a few tears by then. "I feel like I'm always hurting you and I don't mean it. I love you more than anyone, if I lost you, I don't know what I would do. I can't live without you, Jerrie."
I had heard this speech before, so many times in fact, I mouthed the words in time with him, all five minutes and 47 seconds of it. Still, it pulled at my heartstrings. I couldn't imagine my life without Leo in it, I didn't have anyone else... and what would happen to the business?
"I know Leo... I love you too, we're fine I promise."
He let out the breath he was holding.
"Thanks, baby, I promise to be better, you make me want to be a better person. No, I am a better person because of you."
"OK," I croaked. I wanted to believe him so bad it hurt, but my reflection shone through the oven door forced me to see the black marks around my neck for what they were. That in itself drained me.
"OK, I need you to be strong for me for one more day at work, I'll be back on Thursday."
I agreed though he sounded better, another day of separation would be good for both of us. I hung up the phone staring at the food starting to burn in the pan. The pungent aroma filled my nostrils and burned my eyes with its smoke. I found myself relating to it, a once alive creature reduced to a piece of meat sizzling in a pan, powerless to save itself. I grabbed the handle and dumped the whole thing into the trash can, my appetite was the least of my worries.
3.
BLACK HOLE
NOUN: a region of space having a gravitational field so intense that no matter or radiation can escape.
I found myself sprinting around my apartment the next morning. A double whammy of the two things I hated most, oversleeping and having to rush. I was pouring coffee into my cup when Charlie texted, he was outside. I shuffled out of my place and down to his car, where he was standing by the passenger's side once again.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you wait, I'm running a little late this morning," I said breathlessly.
"It's alright, I've only been standing here a minute."
"But you shouldn't have to wait at all, I mean I'm one of your bosses for goodness' sake! You shouldn't be picking me up." I digressed.
"Calm down, I'm the one who offered, remember?" He said still smiling at me.
"I guess you're right... What, why are you smiling?" I said still trying to breathe correctly.
He continued to smile at me whilst opening the door. I slipped in, assuming he wasn't going to answer my question. He stood there watching me as I anxiously fumbled with my purse, briefcase, and the items, which should have been inside them. I looked up when I heard him laugh.
"Frantic Jerrie is almost as great as Sassy Jerrie," he said before closing the door. My entire body stiffened for a moment as I tried to decode the meaning behind his statement. My phone slipping through my fingers brought me back to life and I decided not to overthink it.
I threw my head back against the seat and sighed when I finally got my things in order.
"Rough morning?"
"Yes, sorry, I'm more put together than this, I promise. May I," I asked reaching for the radio.
"Sure. So, what's going on there?" He said pointing at me.
I was confused at first, letting my head tilt to the side ready to question him, until I realized, the scarf which was supposed to be around my neck, was in my hand instead. It had slipped off when the outside wind hit me, and I'd forgotten to put it back on. I wrapped it around my neck with haste.
"Oh, it's nothing," I said trying to be nonchalant about it. But I could feel my face turning red from embarrassment.
"You're not going to tell me you tripped down the stairs are you," he smirked.
"No," It came out defensively. Truthfully, I had been saving excuses in case anyone ever asked, but at that moment I couldn't think of any. It was the first time I'd made a mistake.
"Well if you don't want to tell me the truth, I'd rather you not say anything at all. BUT I'm telling you now if I ever catch anyone hurting you, I will take action." The tone of his voice both frightened me and made me feel protected. A feeling which was like such a distant memory.
"What makes you think someone did this to me? You'll feel bad when I tell you I have a skin condition. " I challenged.
"Skin conditions don't leave fingerprints sweetheart," he said matter-of-factly.
I was hoping he hadn't seen it clearly, but of course, he had. I felt like bursting into tears with embarrassment. This was why I hated to rush, I got careless and my secrets got out. Now someone knew something about me very personal and it was my own fault.
Deciding to take his advice and not answer, I adjusted my scarf, pulling it higher up my neck, and tried my best not to look like the child I felt like. I racked my brain, thinking of how I could have avoided this situation. I had a process; one I'd previously thought to be flawless. It was suspicious to wear turtlenecked shirts for a week straight so, I never wore them two days in a row. I also worked them into my wardrobe and wore them often and without incident. In fact, I wore very modest clothes in general, even in the summer months. If anyone saw skin, it was from the knee down. My fellow employees began to call me she-devil after I showed up to work on the hottest day of the year, covered head to toe, without an ounce of discomfort. If only they'd known the heat wasn't the worst pain, I felt that day.
Still, I didn't know how I would explain it to Charlie if he should ask again. Should I tell him to mind his own business? Should I tell him I'd done it to myself? Should I distance myself from him, like I did everyone else?
"Don't worry, I won't ask about it again," he kept his eyes on the road as he spoke, "but I will be paying attention". I didn't know if I should have felt relieved or more worried.
Fortunately, he changed the subject after that and never brought it back up throughout the day as promised. He had a switch, as I did, which allowed him to turn off the bad thoughts in his head as though they were never there. It made me wonder if he was more like me than I thought. I wondered if he had secrets too, things he wasn't proud of. If he was the moon, he had to have a dark side too.
Like the day before, we had a great time, spending more time joking off than training, although I got the feeling the job would come naturally to him. At the end of the day, I went to grab my purse and lock my office before leaving. I opened my office door, still laughing at whatever stupid thing Charlie had said. It was all but forgotten when I saw Leo standing behind my desk. He looked up at me and smiled, looking healthy and handsome. In fact, he radiated, if he were on a commercial a small sparkle would shine over his perfect teeth and in his clear eyes. I almost kicked myself for teaching him how to wear colors that brought out both his skin and eye color.
"Leo," I stated, trying to sound happy instead of whatever it was I really felt.
Affected or Infected.
"Surprise! I was feeling so well this afternoon, I decided to come to pick you up," he continued to smile.
"Well, I... uh," I stuttered. How was I going to tell him I had plans to ride with our new employee? How was I supposed to tell him I'd already hired a new employee, and he'd already started working?
"Jerrie