I was always flattered but also wary of this man. After all, he was eight years my senior. I was just a young girl of twelve, still learning to be an adolescent, but not even a teenager. How could he see so far into my future? How could he be so sure of himself? How did he know he could win me over?
Still, I found myself going to the corner store more often or out for walks to the park. I’d conjure up any excuse to pass by the corner so Fabian could stare at my pubescent body. The way he watched me made me feel special and wanted. I would put a little extra shake in my strut when I knew he was watching.
Fabian waited until I was seventeen to make his move. It was the summer before my senior year in boarding school and I was spending the last few weeks before the beginning of classes at my grandmother’s house while my mom visited relatives in Puerto Rico. I befriended Lynette, a girl from the block, who shared my crush on Fabian. I came to find out that Fabian had a number of the girls in the hood crazy for him. We’d watch him drive by in his glossy black Mercedes Benz, vying for his attention but it was all too obvious that it was me he wanted. He’d only stop to flirt when I was standing on the block and when I wasn’t, he’d stop to ask where I was and when I was coming back.
One stiflingly hot day, Lynette and I were on our way to the park when Fabian pulled up alongside us in his dope ride.
“I always knew you were going to be gorgeous but damn baby, you flyer than I ever imagined,” he declared biting his lip seductively. He stepped out of his car and approached us giggling girls.
“Who you talking to?” asked Lynette hopefully. “Me?” she asked enticingly pointing to her large bosom, “Or her?” She rolled her eyes and pointed at me apprehensively.
Fabian ignored Lynette and looked at me candidly. “When you gonna let me take you out, mami?”
While he spoke he put his finger through the belt loop of my fitted jean shorts. He looked at me up and down, licking his lips, undressing me with his gaze. I stepped back and looked at the ground shyly. My face flushed when he put his finger under my chin and pulled my face towards his. He kissed my forehead tenderly, slipped his number into the back pocket of my jeans, and copped a quick free feel of my tight bottom.
“Call me whenever, mami. Let me give you the world.”
He backed up, opened the door to his car and stepped in smoothly, without taking his intent gaze off me. He blared Biggie & R. Kelly’s Fucking you Tonight, blew me a kiss and sped off. Fabian knew what he was doing. He knew how to seduce a young, inexperienced girl who craved attention and love. I called him that very night.
I was supposed to be going to 42nd Street to watch a movie with Lynette or so I told my grandmother. Instead, Lynette and I took the A train to 181st and I called Fabian. He picked us up five minutes later. We dropped Lynette off at the theatre and I pleaded with her to cover for me. I provided specific instructions.
“If my grandmother calls, tell her I went to the bathroom or something and call Fabian right away.” I punched Fabian’s number into Lynette’s cell. “Yo, look out for me, ma. My grandmother will have my ass if she finds out I lied to go out with this nigga.”
“Don’t worry, ma. You my girl. I got you,” retorted Lynette but I sensed some resentment in her voice and could swear I saw her cut her eyes.
“I’ll call you tomorrow with all the details,” I assured, ignoring Lynette’s spite.
“Oh, y’all gonna make a bitch take the train home? That’s shady, yo,” said Lynette with attitude while staring at Fabian slyly.
“You good, girl. You should be used to riding the train but here’s some money so you can catch a movie, get something to eat and take a cab home.” Fabian nonchalantly handed her a Benjamin. “Let me take your girl out and show her a good time. Get in the car, mamita,” said Fabian, winking at me.
I gave Lynette a kiss goodbye and noticed that she didn’t return the kiss. “Be happy for me please.” I squeezed her arm, got in the car and drove off, leaving her sulking on 42nd and 8th Avenue.
Fabian took me to Tito Puente’s seafood restaurant on City Island. There he insisted that I order the most expensive dish and slipped the waiter a fifty so he’d get us a bottle of Moet without carding me. I hadn’t had a drink in my life and had never been treated to such a deliciously scrumptious, expensive meal. By the time we left, I was giddy from the alcohol and the endless praises Fabian whispered in my ear. He had me where he wanted - in the palm of his hand. Afterward, he took me to Fort Tryon Park where he sucked my juvenile breasts until they were raw. Despite the alcohol, I wouldn’t let Fabian roam under my skirt.
“No, pa,” I pleaded. “I’m a virgin, no. I’m not ready yet.”
Fabian stopped and looked at me with a smirk, “Gives me something to look forward to.” When he dropped me off a block away from my grandmother’s house, he kissed me deeply. “I told you I would have you one day.”
“You don’t have me yet.” I laughed nervously as I stepped out of the car. The truth was that he’d had my heart for years.
I skipped down the block on cloud nine. I couldn’t believe I had an older man, a paid nigga chasing me. I chuckled nervously thinking about the way he kissed my lips and breasts. No one had ever made me feel so extraordinary, so sought after. I didn’t remember the last time I’d been so elated. My face dropped when I saw my grandmother sitting on the stoop of the building.
“¿Y Lynnette, donde esta?” inquired my grandmother suspiciously.
“Oh … um …” I stuttered. “She stayed hanguiando con unas amigas but I told her my curfew was midnight.”
“¡Mentirosa!” yelled my grandmother. “¡Te fuistes a cueriar!” She cursed me and dragged me inside by my hair, lecturing me in her thick Spanish accent. “Now ju can’t go out for the rest of the verano and I’m gonna tell jour moder too! I’m gonna call her in the morning to tell her of your perrerías!”
I was horrified. I could deal with my grandmother labeling me a slut and smacking me up but the idea of being grounded for the remainder of the summer devastated me. I won’t be able to see or spend time with Fabian!, I thought tearfully. And what happened to Lynette? I thought she had my back. I thought she was gonna cover for me. I cried into my pillow and didn’t stop sniveling until I fell asleep.
The following day I awoke to find that my grandmother had left to work. I immediately picked up the phone and called Fabian. He answered groggily.
“Yo, who this calling me at this insane hour?”
I looked at the clock to see that it was already noon. “I’m sorry, pa. I’ll call you later.”
“No mami. I didn’t know it was you, preciosa. Talk to me baby. I love to hear your voice.”
I smiled briefly then started sobbing. I explained what happened when he dropped me off.
“It’s alright, ma. Don’t worry. They can’t keep us apart. No one can. You call me whenever you want and we’ll see each other some way, some how.”
“But how? I can’t even leave the house,” I blubbered.
“We’ll figure it out, ma. Don’t worry and stop crying. I can’t bear to hear you so sad. It breaks my heart, beautiful. As fine as you are though, you probably look devastating when you cry,” Fabian said, making me giggle. “As for your friend, Lynette, she’s a shady bitch. She hatin’ ‘cause she know you got my heart, ma. That’s all. Don’t sweat that bitch. Fuck her!”
“Nah, Fabe. Something must’ve happened. She’s my best friend. She wouldn’t do that to me,” I responded defensively.
“She’s trife, ma. Trust me. You’ll see that I’m right. Just watch, you’ll see.”
When