to say. I’m so sorry! What happened? Did you get busted?”
I explained what happened while Lynette listened anxiously. “Damn my bad yo!” apologized Lynette. “Yo, whateva I can do to help you out, let me know. And, don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on Fabe for you and make sure he don’t try to play my girl, aight. I’ll call you later. Smooches!”
Naively, I didn’t doubt Lynette’s loyalty. I didn’t understand why Fabian would say such mean things about her but I would find out shortly thereafter.
Fabian and I sneaked around for the remainder of the summer. He’d visit me when my grandmother was at work and we’d fool around until Fabian got blue balls. I held onto my virginity with an iron tight grip.
“I’m just not ready yet, pa,” I’d explain when he’d try to go into my pants. He started calling me his number one cock-tease in jest but I knew that he was only half joking.
As promised, Lynette kept her eye on Fabian for me. She’d call me daily with updates. She even started hanging out with him “so I can keep a closer eye on him for you,” she explained innocently. So whenever I heard murmurings that Lynette was messing with Fabian, I brushed it off and convinced myself that they cared for me too much to betray me.
During my last year at boarding school, Fabian periodically sent me money and care packages filled with expensive hair products, bath salts, and body lotions. In one package, he sent me a cell phone so I could call him whenever my heart desired. The rumors about Fabian and Lynette kept flying despite their assurances that they’d never hurt me in such a vile manner. I started calling Fabian round the clock to ease my worries.
On his first visit to Boston, before he was able to even put his luggage down in the hotel room, I confronted Fabian about my concerns. He flipped on me and manipulated me into feeling guilty for my “false” accusations.
“It’s not like you’re giving me any pussy so you couldn’t blame me if I did fuck another bitch!” he yelled.
“So that’s what this is about? I haven’t put out so you have to go get it elsewhere, desgraciado!” I cried.
Fabian grabbed me by my waist and pulled me close to him, caressing me he said, “Baby, I told you I would wait as long you want me to. I am not playing you and I’d never play you but a nigga got needs, ma. I been holding out for you too, you know.”
He cupped my face and kissed me intimately. He laid me on the bed and kissed my face and neck. Slowly, he removed my blouse and played with my nipples. I sighed with pleasure. The lower on the abdomen he kissed, the sharper my intakes of breath became and the more I tensed my body.
“Relax, mami, you tell me to stop if you want me to.”
He started to kiss my crotch over my jeans, biting hard enough so I could feel him through the denim. I offered little resistance when he unzipped my fly and pulled off my pants. He put my clitoris in his mouth smoothly and allowed my facial expressions and body movements to guide him. When I tensed and parted my lips in ecstasy, he moved his tongue faster and harder. When he felt me cum, he took my entire cunt into his mouth and sucked, flicking his tongue in and out of my hole while I squealed in delight. When he came up for air, my jugos dripped from his chin. He cradled me in his arms.
“I told you I’d never hurt you baby. Neva, mamita. Neva,” he repeated as he fingered me roughly. “Hold up.” He slid off the bed and removed his pants and boxers.
I gasped at the sight of his erect penis. I’d never seen a dick so up close and personal and his looked immense to my inexperienced eyes. He laughed at the frightened expression on my face. “You act like you’ve neva seen a dick before, ma.”
“I haven’t. At least not in person. On cable but not face to face,” I giggled. “And I’ve never had an orgasm either,” I delighted as he slipped into bed next to her.
“You ready?” he asked as he rubbed my G-spot.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I sighed. I looked into his eyes and said what I’d been wanting to say for months. “I love you, Fabian.”
“I love you too, mamita,” he replied as he entered me with a single thrust. I yelped as he plunged into my tight pussy.
Fabian made it a point to come see me in Massachusetts as least once every two weeks. He also made certain my pussy was sore when he left. The rumors of Fabian and Lynette’s affair subsided only for new gossip of his infidelities to arise. One day Lynette called me out of the blue. We hadn’t spoken in a while so I was surprised to hear Lynette’s voice on the line.
“Wow, girl, what’s this miracle?” I inquired.
“Look, ma, I’m sorry I haven’t called but I been busy. I just called to tell you that I think your man is playing you with some fifteen-year-old hoe from Post. I’m just tryin’ to look out, aight.”
“Oh, like you were tryin’ to look out when you were up and down with my man?” I accused. “And now that he kicked you to the curb, you’re lookin’ out for me? That’s absolutely hilarious!”
“What, bitch?!” Lynette yelled.
“No, you just didn’t call me a bitch! You need to slow your role, Lynette, for real. See, that’s why we ain’t tight like we used to be. I just can’t trust you.”
“Can’t trust me?” Lynette mocked. “But you trust your player man. You’re the hilarious one, yo, not me. Now you go tell your man thanks for all the nuts, pendeja!” and she slammed the phone on my ear.
I was enraged. “No this bitch didn’t just say that to me. She got the heart to admit to fuckin’ my man ova the phone but when I confront her about it, she almost cried denyin’ it?”
I called Lynette’s phone repeatedly for over an hour but got no response. When I called Fabian’s phone I didn’t even wait for him to say ‘Hello’ before I went off on him.
“You nasty mothafucka! ¡Ásqueroso! You fucked that bitch Lynette?!” I wailed. “How could you do that to me? After everything I’ve done for you. I gave you my virginity, you son of a bitch!”
“What?! You’re wilin’, ma! I didn’t fuck that cuero malo! I told you that and I’m tired of you accusin’ me. I don’t have time for any of that shit, babe. Between maintainin’ the spot and goin’ to see you, I don’t have time for anything! Calm down!” he tried to soothe me.
“That bitch called me and said she slept with you!” I hiccupped. “How could you, pa? Why? Why? Why?” I pleaded.
“Ma, I didn’t. I swear, I didn’t!” he vowed. “I would neva do that to you. Neva mamita, neva! I wanna marry you, babe. You my queen, I swear. Please stop cryin’!”
Lynette was only the first of a long line of females with whom Fabian played me. By accepting his betrayal and believing his crocodile tears, I’d set a precedent that I’d never be able to erase and would live to regret.
9
I yawned with exhaustion. Reliving my past had worn me out. I got up from my futon and went to take a shower. I let the hot water run over my face. When I lowered my head to wet my hair, I saw that I was still bleeding. Salty tears rolled into my mouth as I remembered the miscarriage I’d had two days earlier. I realized that I’d been able to avoid Fabian thus far but knew that my time was running out. I was going to have to face him eventually but still couldn’t stand the sight of his face. I had a class in an hour and a half but couldn’t fathom having to face reality just yet. I decided to skip it and take a long, hot bath. I ran the bath, threw in some bath salts and soaked my worries away. I tried to