to speed because my balls were so tight I could feel them shrinking. I was less than five minutes away from Janice’s place when I glanced over in the passenger seat and noticed one of the gold earrings Ashlee wore on our date. It must’ve fallen off without her knowing it. After stopping at a red light, I picked up the earring and glared at it. Without warning I began to feel a sense of guilt for wanting to go have sex with Janice knowing I was going to fuck Ashlee tonight. Where this feeling came from, I don’t know. I’ve always been a playa—even when I was married—so it was extremely odd for me to be having a conscience about cheating on a woman I never actually made a commitment with.
I pulled up in front of Janice’s house, but I wasn’t in a hurry to get out of the car. I sat dazed, thinking of the quality time I had spent with Ashlee and how much I really liked her. The earring remained clutched in the palm of my hand. I loosened my fingers and caught a glimpse of the shiny gold, which seemed to glitter even in the dark. I pictured Ashlee with both earrings on, and a flash of her smile came to mind. Then I realized I couldn’t do it. Janice was about to be stood up for the second time in one day because I couldn’t make myself get out of the car to be with her. My daze soon became short-lived as the throbbing between my legs damn near had me crippled. I cranked up and drove home, trying to keep a level head, the whole time praying I hadn’t made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
A hot shower and a nap did wonders for me this day. Some people think the key to getting over blue balls is a cold shower, but the difference is that hot water loosens your skin much quicker and a lot better. The second I woke up I reached for the phone to give Ashlee a call. I couldn’t believe how much I started to miss being near her. She sounded a little groggy, but nevertheless, I was glad to hear her voice.
“Hey, Ashlee, this is Jay. I’m glad to know you’re still in,” I stated just after she picked up.
“What do you mean? Of course I’m still in. You just left fifteen minutes ago, remember?”
“Ashlee, it’s now a quarter to nine. I left your suite just before five this morning. I think you’re the one having a little trouble remembering.” I laughed.
“Huh? Oh…I’m sorry, Jay. I guess you put me back to sleep before you left. Damn, I really need to be getting up anyway. Speak to me. What’s on your mind, handsome?”
“Aahh, I like it when you call ’em like you see ’em,” I teased.
“Always. I have to keep it real.”
“Well, Ashlee, I just wanted to give you a call to let you know how much I really enjoyed spending time with you yesterday. I know we were both disappointed that we didn’t get to take things on the physical level further than it went, but I believe that good things come to those who wait.”
“Really? So am I correct to assume you feel we should wait?”
“Whoa, slow down there. Don’t go putting words in my mouth that aren’t there.” I laughed. “I’m just saying that I like you. I see other times for getting closer in our future. I know you really wanted seafood last night and it didn’t quite work out that way, so let me make it up to you. Come to my place for dinner. I’ll cook up my specialty chicken and pasta. How does that sound?”
“You, cooking? I don’t know. Sounds kind of dangerous to me.” We both laughed. She continued. “Are you serious? You’d like to cook for me?”
“Sure would. What have you got to lose?” I asked just before quickly interrupting her response. “Uh…don’t answer that.” We laughed. “Scratch what I just said. Seriously, I’d be honored to cook a meal for you, Ms. Ashlee Anderson, and do anything else you might want me to do too.”
I could sense a smile in her voice. “Well, since you put it so nicely, I suppose I could put a little trust in you. I’ll also remember to bring a bottle of Pepto-Bismol, just in case of an emergency.”
We laughed and talked a bit more before I hung up to go grocery shopping. Ms. Ashlee Anderson was in for a treat. Oh, and I made certain to put condoms and vanilla ice cream on the shopping list.
CHAPTER 6
Ashlee
Sighing heavily, I gave up on searching the hotel room for my earring. I’d looked everywhere I thought my gold hoop could’ve been. Oh well, I stretched across the sofa in my white boy shorts and turned on the television. I smiled reminiscing about how Jay had made me come last night. I didn’t think I could have an orgasm like that with anyone other than Darius. And maybe Jay didn’t get his last night, but tonight I was gonna make it up to him in more ways than one. I was going to make him come like fireworks on the Fourth of July. God, I felt like a schoolgirl again. Was I falling in love? No, not love, but I was definitely in like with Mr. Jay Crawford.
I’d only been in love once, but the feelings being in love brought were at times overwhelming. When I was in love, I soared high on a high so high I never wanted to come down. There was a dance in my step—damn near skip, hop—and my heart jumped with joy at the mere thought of him. There was a smile underneath my smile. A loyalty that men envied because no matter how hard they tried to penetrate that sacred barrier, I refused them, each one, every time, staying faithful to my man. Unfortunately, the man I loved was no longer in love with me; otherwise, I’d be married to him by now. I wanted so badly to be somebody’s, but not just anybody’s, wife.
I motioned with my lips, “Move on, girl. You’ve got it bad,” then thought about Jay. I could fall hard for Jay. I could love him. And I know he wouldn’t let me hurt myself, because I felt secure with his touch. His voice. The way he exhaled my name…Ash-lee, into the air. Jay was sensitive too. I liked masculine men with a little sensitivity. Not only did Jay call me; he actually offered to cook on our second date. Now, Jay is a real man. Part of the real reason I decided to see Jay was to keep myself from obsessing over Darius. I glanced at my cell phone on the coffee table.
Don’t do it.
Whenever I wasn’t talking to Darius, which was all the time nowadays, the smallest thing would trigger my memory, causing me to think about him, especially when I had idle time.
Don’t do it.
Slowly, my head rotated side to side. Then faster, and even faster, wobbling my cheeks until I’d become dizzy. I grabbed my ears and screamed, “Stop it, Ashlee! Just stop it right now! Darius is out of your life! He doesn’t love you anymore! He’s going to marry Fancy!
“Over his dead body,” I whispered.
Why’d I say that? I didn’t mean that. Seeing Darius happy with anyone else other than me drove me crazy. Maybe I could be happy with Jay? I thought so. Why not? The knots in my stomach intensified my confusion.
My knees dropped to the carpet between the sofa and the coffee table. My palms slid from my ears to my cheeks. Cupping my face, I collapsed into a ball. Tears streamed between my fingers, drenching my knees, then wetting the carpet as I moped about the love I’d lost.
“Get your shit together!”
Bracing myself, one hand on the sofa, the other on the coffee table, I stood in the middle of the floor sniffling. “Stop it, Ashlee,” I whispered but wasn’t convinced. “It really wasn’t your fault.” I slid my forearm under my nose, then swiped the snot on the back of my boy shorts, barely missing wiping my ass.
Why me? Why did he have to use me?
I deserved for Darius to treat me better, but clearly I realized that I shouldn’t measure Jay to Darius, I thought, momentarily closing my eyes. As I inhaled long and slow, the rosy fragrance helped calm my nerves. Jay was selfless enough to treat me the way I wanted a man to treat me. With respect. Respect was always a good place to start. I smiled, picturing Jay in the kitchen wearing an apron. I laughed. Naw, Jay would never wear a silly apron.
Lowering the thermostat to sixty-five, I turned on the CD player and started running water for a shower. I’d kept Jay’s scent on me long enough. Retrieving the golden bottle from my purse, I downed two tablets with