her, I was sure she wasn’t feeling all giddy and shit right about now. I’m sure he’d flip her to one of his boys to fuck next. I knew the routine all too well. I’d been “that woman” before.
That’s how men were—users. Like the president: “Whatever you do, don’t destroy the oil.” At the club last night, Jay was probably saying to himself, “Whatever you do, just let me hit that pussy and then I’m out.” Men. Orgasmic opportunists. As long as they got what they’d come for, a woman’s desires rarely mattered.
I closed my fluttering eyelids and whispered, “Jay. Jay. What was his last na—”
Jay’s thick lips suctioned my nipples into perfectly erect bulbs. I knew what I wanted from Mr…. Mr. Jay. Grabbing his head, I pushed until his lips pressed against mine like warm sunshine. Each time he licked, I rotated up and into his mouth. My juicy pussy pulsated. I wanted badly to come in Jay’s face. “I can’t hold back any longer. I’m ready. I’m come—”
Beep. Beep.
“—ing.”
Damn it! I’d awakened to my cell phone chiming in my ear, indicating someone had sent a message. “Oh my gosh! What time is it?” I’d slept two hours.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I felt moisture between my thighs, so I ran my hand over my vagina. I was soaking wet, and my clit was still throbbing. “Aw, damn!” I’d come in my sleep, dreaming about Jay.
Quickly, I went into the bathroom, turned on the water, more hot than cold, and then chucked my nightie into the laundry bag hanging behind the door.
Returning to the bed, I grabbed my cell phone, pressed a few buttons, then laughed at the picture Jay had sent me. He was so silly and so damn good-looking. I’d saved his smiley, perfect-teeth pic in my phone to match his number, so every time he called I could see his chocolate dimples. Then I assigned him a special ring tone. I took a picture of myself with my phone, then sent it to Jay.
I was happy as hell, knowing I could have that big dick swaggering inside me if I wanted. Retrieving my purse from the nightstand, I fumbled through more stuff than I used, removed the golden bottle with my name printed on the label, and shook two antidepressant tablets into my hand. I opened the five-dollar bottle of Evian water, tossed the pills to the back of my throat, and gulped half the liter.
I eased into the tub, the hot water suppressing my “bad-relationship” memories. Jay wasn’t Darius. I focused on being happy, imagining Jay making love to me. I nestled my fingers over my pussy and massaged my clit. My body stiffened, so I let go, reassuring myself I could have the real thing tonight. I inhaled slow, deep, and long, allowing my lungs and stomach to expand. Exhaling, I felt the meds beginning to relax my muscles. Stress escaped my body.
“I will have a good time this afternoon,” I repeated ten times. My shrink had said if I repeated anything ten times consecutively, negative or positive, I’d believe it. “I will only speak positive words. I won’t fall in love with Jay’s dick.”
Maybe I could fall in love with Jay instead. I dried myself off. I slipped into my ultra-low-rise boot-cut denims and a long-sleeve midriff cutoff top that tied my naked breasts together, exposing great cleavage. With my flat abs on display, I headed to the elevator to meet my new man. On the ride down from the twelfth floor, I convinced myself I wasn’t a bad person and what had happened to my son truly wasn’t my fault. Just like Darius, I deserved to be happy too. And happy I was, when the elevator doors opened. The first person I saw in the lobby was Jay, standing proud.
Jay swaggered in my direction. “Hey, Ashlee. Damn, girl, you look good,” he said, slipping his arms around my waist.
Despite everything I’d told myself about not readily trusting men, I melted in Jay’s strong embrace. He felt good. Made me feel safe. Desirable. Womanly. In time, he’d make me feel loved.
“Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself.” I stepped back and softly caressed his dimple.
“You look hot. I’m going to be the envy of every man everywhere we go,” he said, opening the passenger door to his BMW.
I don’t know what it was. There I was, sitting next to a complete stranger who excited the hell out of me. I didn’t know his mother’s name, his father’s name, if he had kids, or a wife, or a woman, a man, or both, or whether or not he was a serial killer, serial dater, if he had any STDs, or his middle name. “So where to?” I asked, settling into his sports car. “Nice car; I love the color red.”
Jay’s grin resembled a child’s. I shut my eyes, then opened them quickly. Don’t go there, Ashlee. Stay focused. Happy, remember?
“You know us boys and our big toys. I just got divorced, so I figured I’d buy a little somethin’-somethin’ for myself.” He reached into the backseat and handed me the most stunning clear box of long-stemmed white roses. “A little something for you.”
I wanted to ask him if he had kids but I couldn’t…. Great, Jay was on the rebound too. Fortunately for me, men remarried faster than women, so I too could have a fiancé, if I played my cards right. Then Darius would beg me back, like he’d pleaded with Fancy to call off her engagement to that other guy. That’s it—I’d give Darius a reason to come after me. Worst-case scenario—I’d marry Jay.
Opening the box, I sniffed the flowers, smiled, then bit my bottom lip. “Aaah, Jay, did you get these out of the lobby? I saw some just like these in a vase by the check-in desk.”
He looked into my eyes to see if I was serious. When I grinned, he grinned back at me. “Oh, so you got jokes. I guess the box they came in and the card were in the lobby too, huh?”
“I’m just kidding. Relax,” I said, seizing the opportunity to softly touch his thigh.
Damn! Was that his dick all the way down there? The card read Closer to my dream. I reassured him, “I’m your reality. They’re gorgeous. Thanks.” I closed my eyes and took one long inhale of the petals. I moaned, imagining they were a bridal bouquet and Jay was my groom, sweeping me away on our honeymoon. I placed the roses on the seat behind me. “So what was going on this morning? What woman was you cursing out and why?”
Did he buy the roses for her, then decide to give them to me? Ashlee, why can’t you enjoy the man and the moment and stop analyzing every damn thing?
“Aw, hell no! You know better than to question me, woman!” Jay sped along the B/W Parkway. “Don’t make me stop this car!”
Cracking up, I held my stomach. “You are so adorably dangerous; I like a man who’s fearless like me.”
My thoughts drifted, while Jay test-drove his toy at almost 120 miles per hour, smoothly swerving and dodging cars in both lanes. I enjoyed the fifteen-should’ve-been-thirty-minute ride from Washington to Baltimore. The colorful leaves—orange, purple, yellow, red—were a blur. I felt like there was nothing I couldn’t do with Jay, including have sex with him tonight.
My period was due in two days, and my sex drive revved higher than his engine, making me tightly press my thighs together. Thankfully I had on jeans; otherwise Jay’s leather passenger seat would’ve been juicy from that hot leather seat rubbing up against my panties…I exhaled.
After opening my car door, Jay held my hand all the way from the parking garage to the Inner Harbor. “Uh-uh, woman, don’t you dare touch a door when you’re with me.” Jay waited for me to enter the mall.
Legal Seafood was crowded, so Jay suggested the ESPN Sports Zone. I appreciated a take-charge type of man. I looped my arm underneath Jay’s, hugging his biceps. He was all mine.
Strolling inside the Zone, I playfully said, “I bet you can’t beat me rock climbing.”
“Who said that?” Jay glanced around, pretending he couldn’t see me, so I poked him in his side. He looked down. “Oh, you? Down there. In those heels?” He gestured toward my feet.
“Don’t let the stilettos fool you;