about him. Frankly, I didn’t think he could act and his movies all pretty much seemed the same to me, but he was a lot of fun to watch. He had an amazingly sculpted body, a beautiful face, and the deepest blue eyes—and in almost every movie he made at some point he was naked, covered in oil and tortured. Not that they ever showed his dick or anything, but his ass—his ass was almost as big a star as he was.
He offered me the dragon. “Oh, no thanks, I don’t.” I waved it off.
“Have you ever tried?” He looked at me. “Like I said, bro, you’re not in Kansas anymore.”
I hesitated. In one side of my head, I could hear my parents’ endless lectures. Smoking pot is just the start, once you try it you get hooked and if that drug is okay for you, and doesn’t mess you up so bad, well, why not try cocaine and crystal meth and heroin or LSD and before you know it you’re so badly hooked on something you can’t stop, and you’re destroying your body and your mind, and you’re such a smart boy, Jeff, with such a brilliant future ahead of you. Don’t be stupid.
But on the other side, there was another voice, the one I’d heard before but always managed to suppress.
But your parents wouldn’t love you, Jeff, if they knew what you were really like—that you liked boys instead of girls, that you dream of other boys, that the thought of kissing another boy is what gets you excited; kissing a girl doesn’t do anything for you at all. What would your parents say about that? What would they say if you told them the truth? They’d throw you out, that’s what they’d do. You’ve heard them talk about the “queers,” and have they ever said anything that would make you think otherwise? They think queers are freaks, and you’re a queer. You’ve tried to change that, you’ve gone out with girls, and it hasn’t done you any good. You’ve gone to church and you’ve prayed, and it hasn’t done you a damned bit of good. So why be good? You’re bad, through and through, and they’ve always told you so. So what? Try it. Once won’t kill you.
I looked at Blair.
I looked at the dragon.
I reached for it. “Um, what do I do?”
“Ah, I love corrupting the innocent.” He grinned, and sat down next to me on the bed. “Well, you see this little hole? You put your thumb over that, okay?” I did as he told me. “Now put your mouth over the big hole here at the top.” I did, smelling the water inside the glass, which was kind of nauseating. “Okay, when I light the lighter and put it against the pot, you start sucking in air, okay?”
I nodded.
He lit the lighter.
I started sucking.
“Now take your thumb off.”
I did, and inhaled a huge rush of smoke.
And choked.
I started coughing, hard.
I couldn’t stop. It felt like I was NEVER going to stop. I coughed and gagged, then coughed some more. My throat burned, my eyes watered, and Blair handed me my Coke. “Take a drink,” he ordered.
I swallowed, and that soothed the burning in my throat enough so the coughing stopped.
“My God.” I finally managed to choke the words out before finishing the rest of my Coke. “That’s horrible.” But even as I said the words, I could feel a weird kind of numbness moving through my mind. I’d never felt anything like it before, and as I looked at Blair, I started to giggle. “Oh, wow.” I said, and the words seemed to echo and bounce around inside my head. I looked over at the poster for Mary Queen of Scots, and the red velvet dress and pearls Nicole Blair was wearing seemed—somehow almost alive with vibrancy, it was almost as though she weren’t a poster image but actually there, breathing.
“Have another hit, “Blair said from somewhere nearby, and I took the dragon in my hands again and obediently put my thumb and mouth in place.
This time I didn’t cough at all, and I could feel my mind completely relaxing, and my entire body seemed to be floating somehow. I looked over at Blair, who was taking another hit.
He’s beautiful, I told myself, look at those eyes.
Now that I knew who he was, I could see he had his father’s eyes, his mother’s bone structure and skin. I wanted to touch him, to kiss him.
He’s even more beautiful than Kevin.
He put the dragon down, and he reached over and put his fingers on my face. “How you doing there, Jeffy?”
I smiled. “I’m good, it’s all good.” I giggled again. “Wow. This feels amazing.”
Blair leaned in and kissed me.
My entire body responded. It was like an electric current was going through me, my entire body felt sensitized and my cock immediately got hard. His lips weren’t like I’d imagined Kevin’s to be. They were soft but firm, and he tasted slightly of smoke and Coke. As he kissed me, he slid across the surface of the bed until his leg was touching mine, and his arms went around me. I put mine around him and pulled him closer to me. It was everything I’d ever dreamed of, only better. He pushed against me a little bit, and I leaned back until I was on my back, and he rolled over on top of me. I put my arms around him, feeling the muscles in his back and he started grinding his crotch on top of mine.
He stopped kissing me and raised himself up on his elbows and looked into my eyes. “You doing okay there, Jeffy?”
I smiled at him. My head was still full of fog, but I knew I wanted him to keep going, I didn’t want him to stop. “Uh-huh.”
“Maybe we’d better stop.” He got to his feet and smiled down at me. I could see the bulge in the front of his shorts.
“Why?” I sat up. “I don’t want to stop.”
“Have you ever done anything like this before?”
“Yes,” I lied.
“With who?”
“Kevin, my best friend in Kansas.”
He sat down in his desk chair and started reloading the bowl. He gave me a bemused look. “Really? And what did you and Kevin do with each other?”
“We, um, we sucked each other off.”
He took a hit and put the dragon back down. He blew the smoke out. “And how did Kevin taste? Did he come in your mouth?”
“He—” I hesitated.
“Don’t lie to me, Jeffy. You’re really bad at it.” He gave me a smile as he lit another cigarette. “Look, you’re cute as hell and that body”—he pursed his lips and whistled—“but the last thing I want is to take advantage of you when you’re stoned.” He flicked ash on the floor. “When they’re fucked up, Jeffy, straight boys will do pretty much anything with anyone to get their rocks off. Afterward, they either pretend it never happened, or they hate the guy it happened with.” He laughed bitterly. “Trust me on that, okay? And I do like you, Jeffy, and I want us to be friends. But I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow thinking ‘Man, that asshole Blair, he got me stoned and took advantage of me’, or pretend you don’t know me in class tomorrow.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“Okay, sure you wouldn’t.” He shrugged. “We’ll see.”
“Dude—”
“Yeah.” He stood up and stretched. “I’m hungry. You wanna order a pizza or something?”
“Sure,” I said, my hard-on starting to go down. I smiled at him.
One day, Blair, one day…
Chapter 3
What happened between us that first afternoon didn’t happen again, no matter how much I wanted it to.
I was afraid to bring it