telephone so he wouldn’t disturb his roommates. He called me when he got home on the morning of his birthday, too. But not to whisper sweet words in my ear.
“Girl, what’s wrong with you? You crazy? What the hell do you mean sendin’ some fat-ass, white-ass bitch to my house?” Larry was sizzling with rage.
I was stunned. “It’s your birthday,” I said, pouting.
“‘It’s your birthday,’” he mimicked. “Who gave you my address? You been followin’ me?”
I could not believe my ears. I was in such a state of shock, it was a struggle for me to speak. “I got it off the computer at work.” My voice was so low and squeaky, I could not believe it was me talking.
“Well, you better lose my address and I mean you better lose it quick. That fat-ass, white-ass bitch, screechin’ like a owl, woke up the whole building with her bullshit singin’!”
“Well, excuse me. It won’t happen again,” I barked, my teeth grinding.
“It better not.” Larry hung up on me.
He didn’t come around for two months. Since I no longer worked in the mail room, I didn’t see him when he made his deliveries. Then like nothing had ever happened, he showed up at my door one night with whiskey on his breath. I was glad to see him and he was glad to see me, but he was not glad about the news I had to share with him. Since he was already tipsy, I fixed him some coffee, as he stretched out on my couch. He waved the coffee away and ordered me to get him a beer.
“Where yours at?” he asked as I handed him his drink.
“I don’t think I should be drinkin’ in my condition,” I said sweetly. “It wouldn’t be good for the baby.” I held my breath and stood back, bracing myself for his reaction.
Larry stood so fast he dropped the bottle of beer, spilling it all over the carpet I’d just steam cleaned the day before. “Pregnant? Girl, I ain’t ready to be no daddy!” he hollered, rotating his arms like a windmill.
I gasped and rubbed my stomach. “What are we goin’ to do then? I’m pregnant and I can’t get unpregnant.”
When Larry got nervous, he raked his fingers through his hair. With both his hands working his hair, he looked at me, raking and blinking. “I know this doctor over in Gulfport. He’ll fix you up….”
I sucked in my breath so hard, my tongue flapped. “You want me to have an abortion? I thought you loved me.” In addition to telling me that he loved me, Larry had talked like we had a future—even though he had never mentioned marriage, unless I brought it up. But since he loved me, I thought that things would fall into place sooner or later. Some of his clothes were at my apartment, he borrowed money from me, and he did things for me that some of the women I knew couldn’t get their husbands to do. What else could I think?
He started to talk with his back to me. “Listen,” he began. He stopped and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Lula Mae, I do love you, girl. It’s just that…well, a baby is a big responsibility. And I’m still a young man.”
I didn’t like it when age came up in our discussions. “Well, yes, you are still young and I am, too, compared to some people. But I am in my thirties and that’s pretty old to be havin’ my first baby or gettin’ married.” Larry gave me an exasperated look but that didn’t shut me up. “Havin’ a baby won’t change things between us. I mean, you can still live where you live, if you don’t want to get married.” I let out a mild sigh and looked at the floor. When I looked back up, Larry was still standing there, his hands on his hips, looking at me like I’d just flung a dead bird at him. “I’ve already looked at a bigger place, and it would be fine for me and the baby.”
With a hiss, he moved closer to me, his eyes looking as hard as ice and just as cold. “What’s wrong with you, girl? It takes a whole lot of money to raise a baby!” His hands were on my shoulders, gripping me so hard I could feel the tips of his fingers pressing against my shoulder blades. I pried his hands off and stepped back.
“It’s not like I don’t have a good job. I can take care of my baby by myself…if I have to,” I said wearily. Confrontations tired me out, and that was why I avoided them whenever I could. That was hard to do with a man like Larry.
He sighed real long and hard, shaking and scratching his head on both sides. “Double shit,” he muttered.
“Look, Larry, I don’t have much family and there ain’t much love there anyway. At least not for me. I want this baby.”
He shook his head some more.
“What about a name for…it?” he asked gruffly, narrowing his eyes.
“If it’s a boy, I’m goin’ to name him Richard.”
“That ain’t what I meant.” He waved his hand so hard, it made a swishing noise. “What you goin’ to put on the birth certificate?”
“What?”
“If you put my name on the birth certificate, the man’ll come after me for child support,” he said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
I gave him an incredulous look. “Why would I have to go to the man on you? You sayin’ you won’t help me support this baby?” I touched his arm, and he promptly snatched it away, wincing like I’d jabbed him with an ice pick. “I want this baby, Larry.”
He threw his hands up in frustration. “Look, if you want this baby, go on and have it. I-I can’t promise you nothin’. Things could change any day. Uh, I…my cousins want me to move up to D.C. and help them run their limo business.” This was the first time I’d heard of cousins in D.C. with a limo business. “Now, if I was to move to D.C….”
“You could take me with you. I’m desperate to get out of Mississippi anyway.”
The look on Larry’s face went from frustration to absolute horror. “Girl, you workin’ both sides of the street, ain’t you? I can’t take you with me, if I do decide to go.”
I slid my tongue across my teeth and backed over to my couch. I plopped down with a thud. By now I was really worn out, physically and emotionally. “Well, why don’t we worry about that if and when it happens. Like I said, I want my baby, and I’m havin’ it, no matter what you decide to do. While you in Barberton, if you still want to be with me, fine. If you don’t, well, that’s fine, too. I got along without you before I met you, I can get along without you if you leave me. We Black women are used to bein’ deserted by our men anyway…”
After a deep sigh and a reluctant smile, Larry held open his arms.
“Aw, now you makin’ me feel real bad. My mama used to say that same shit after my old man took off. I ain’t nothin’ like my daddy. I’m a real man. And, girl, you know I’m crazy about you. Come here, baby…”
It made me feel good about myself, knowing that I had the patience and insight to recycle a hardheaded man like Larry. I felt sorry for the women I knew who didn’t. He continued to come around, and we went on with our relationship. He even brought over some clothes for the baby.
“Uh, these ain’t new. My nephew grew out of these things. Ain’t no use in buyin’ too many things for no newborn since they grow out of everything so fast.” He sniffed as he handed me two shopping bags of freshly washed items. “Now you better be carryin’ a boy. I put too much into this thing to end up with a girl,” he teased. It was so nice to see him in such a good mood. He had gone from one extreme to the other, proving to me that just about any man could be turned around.
I didn’t tell Daddy and Etta that I was pregnant until I could no longer hide it. Daddy slowed down from his numerous affairs long enough to give me a hug and a pat on my stomach.
“And you better do everything that doctor tells you to do. I don’t want my first grandchild to come here with no water head or nothin’,” Daddy told me, a proud look on his face, glancing