me up and down, shook her head, then let out a deep sigh. “I sure hope that baby don’t come into this mean world with them big boat-ass feet like you got,” she said, smirking. Her eyes were on the doorway that Daddy had just trotted through. Etta’s harsh words didn’t bother me as much as they used to. If anything, I felt sorry for her now. It had to be hard being married to a man who led so many women around town like the Pied Piper.
Larry got really excited when I told him that the doctor said I was having a boy. And even though he continued to drop off used clothing that his nephew had outgrown, I spent a lot of money and time at the mall, buying things for the baby. And that’s exactly where I was when my whole world came crashing down around me.
Dr. White released me on a Saturday afternoon, three days after I’d delivered my son. “Lula, I see you’re still just as tense as you were the other day,” he said, standing a safe distance away from me.
I didn’t even respond, even though I had cooled off a lot. I felt bad about being such a bitch to other men because of Larry. And I did manage to give Dr. White a big smile before I left the hospital.
My great big, baldheaded, fierce-looking stepsister, Verna, drove me home from the hospital in her huge truck. She fussed all the way about how I’d let Larry make a fool out of me. “If I didn’t love you so much, I’d drag you outta this truck and beat your brains out. I’m spendin’ the night with you, to make sure you all right—and to make sure that punk-ass Larry don’t show his face. ’Cause if he do, I’m goin’ to raise so much hell, they’ll put me on the cover of The Enquirer.” Verna sucked her teeth, glanced at me and shook her head. “I ain’t never understood you straight women when it comes to men. I didn’t even know Larry that well, but I had his number. All them fairy tales he told you about havin’ four roommates, no money, blah blah blah.” Verna paused and rolled down her window. “That shit makes me hot just thinkin’ about it,” she said, fanning her face with her hand.
I was too weak to argue with Verna. It never did me much good anyway. I was glad that she was looking out for me. I sat there like a mute, all the way home.
I returned to work a few days later, like nothing had happened. But Larry was gone from my life forever, and so was my son. Verna had taken care of the burial of my baby. She had arranged a memorial service at the funeral home and to my surprise, my mean stepmother, Etta, showed up with flowers. The word mean didn’t describe her on this emotional day. She cried almost as much as I did. That meant a lot to me, and it had a lot to do with my quick recovery. I knew then that not every “bad” person was all bad.
A day after I returned to work, I got a call from Odessa while I was on my lunch break. Even though Odessa wasn’t that much older than me, I’d allowed her to take on a maternal role in my life. The same as I’d done with my stepsister, Verna. My mother had not been much of a mother to me, and I’d ignored the rantings of my grandmother. Etta had shown me in more ways than one that she didn’t care anymore about being a mother figure to me than she would a duck. Her behavior at my son’s memorial didn’t make up for all the years she had mistreated me. But when I had to be around her, I treated her with respect. It took too much energy to be angry. Besides, I wanted to use it all on Larry and any other man who dogged me.
Even though I sometimes protested, I liked it when Odessa jumped into her position of authority with me. “Now you see here, Miss Girl, you been mopin’ around long enough. You comin’ to that party me and Verna’s throwin’ for my brother if I have to drag you by the feet.” Odessa blew her nose and cursed under her breath. She had a mild cold she had contracted while sleeping with her bedroom window open the night before.
Odessa worked for the welfare department, processing applications for people in need of welfare assistance. Like me, she hated her job. She had shared dozens of horror stories with me about irate welfare recipients calling her up and threatening her with physical violence every time their check was late. When her job got to be too much for her, she called in sick, whether she really was or not. Her recent cold had nothing to do with her taking off sick this time. She would have done it anyway, just so she could be on call for me if I needed her.
Even though Odessa was already my best friend, I still went out of my way to stay on her good side. “Party for your brother? All right. I’ll be there,” I said in a meek voice.
Odessa’s brother, Bohannon Hawkins, was forty-eight, twelve years older than Odessa, and almost old enough to be my daddy. But I liked him right away. Even though he looked his age, he was not a bad-looking man. He wasn’t that much taller than me, and most of the limp hair on his peanut-shaped head was gray. He had nice, shiny black eyes and a smile that seemed to light up the room. And since he was the only male at the party of more than a dozen folks, he really stood out.
“Baby sister tells me you lookin’ for a new friend,” he said, talking loud enough to be heard over Grace Jones blasting from the CD player.
“I wouldn’t mind that at all,” I replied, following him to the corner in the small living room where we could have more privacy and a better view. We watched Odessa, Verna, and their husky female friends party their butts off. They danced, drank, and smooched like it was their last chance. It was entertaining, and I was glad to be present. I had the best time that night than I’d had in years. And I had Bo Hawkins to thank for that.
Bo was likeable. There was no doubt about that. His cross eyes, wandering all over the place when he looked at me, didn’t bother me at all. It was a while before I noticed his other flaws. Like his crooked mouth and stained teeth. Still he had a nice smile. After a few dates, I knew I could never love Bo Hawkins. At least not the way I’d loved Larry. And, I think he knew that. But he was the nicest, most charming man I had ever met. I felt bad about my mild feelings for him. However, I made up for that by always being available when he wanted to see me. I had nothing else to lose but time.
Bo was a convenient man to have around. He offered to do my laundry, buy my groceries, and clean my apartment when I had cramps or was too lazy to do it myself. He worked on my car when it needed to be worked on and he cooked for us when I didn’t feel like doing it. Larry had done the same things for me. There were times when I wished that Bo wasn’t so quick to do so many nice things for me, because it reminded me of Larry. And sometimes when I was with Bo, I found myself wondering what Larry was doing. Even when I was in Bo’s arms.
I felt kind of bad about wallowing in the same bed with Bo that I’d been in with Larry. It didn’t help when Bo served me breakfast in bed one Sunday morning, but I appreciated it.
“Bo, you spoilin’ me,” I told him, feeling sad, but forcing myself to sit up and smile. He handed me a tray with grits, bacon, and toast on it. When I was with Larry, I served him breakfast in bed. I would have done it for Bo, too, but serving me pleased him more.
“I’ll spoil you sure enough, if you let me,” he offered, plopping down on the side of my bed, giving me looks of love no man had ever given me. Not even Larry.
“Uh, you still thinkin’ about movin’ back to California?” I asked, stirring the overcooked eggs with my finger. It had been a month since I’d given birth. I had made love with Bo a few times. I didn’t know if it was because my mind wasn’t in it, or because what I felt for Bo was more pity than passion. But making love with Bo was even more boring than my job. If he hadn’t made so much noise while he was on top of me, I probably would have slept through it. One thing I had learned after my disaster with Larry was, there was more to a good relationship than good sex. As much as I hated to admit it to myself, that was all I’d really had with Larry. I tried to force myself to be passionate with Bo, but it was no use. He couldn’t turn me on with twenty thousand volts.
Bo was not rich and he didn’t have much of anything to offer. But he offered me the one thing I needed the most right now: a chance to escape. Oh, I knew that I could have done that on my own eventually. All I had to do was save up the money. But on my salary that could have meant staying in Barberton at least another six months. I had to get out of town before I ran into Larry or his wife. I was angry with them both, and I knew that if I encountered them again in public, I wouldn’t be responsible for my actions.
“Just