my presence while the men searched, in case something was going on that I couldn’t see. Occasionally I heard the low murmur of them speaking in another room, and I froze whenever they sounded like they were coming back, but they never searched the kitchen. “Rotten, uppity nuisances,” said Nina after the front door opened and shut, and I knew the coast was clear. “Promise me that when you’re marked, you won’t turn into one of those VIs that thinks he’s better than the rest of us.”
“You mean there’s another kind?” I said.
I pushed open the cabinet. Benjy stumbled backward, and Nina dropped her spatula on the floor.
“You were in there the whole time?” said Benjy, and I nodded. “How did you fit?”
“I’m flexible,” I said. “I need to get out of here before they come back. Tabs said she’d be here by the time the kids got home.”
I gave Nina a kiss on the cheek and headed into one of the two large rooms filled with bunk beds that the forty of us shared. Benjy stormed after me, but I resolutely stared straight ahead.
“Kitty— Kitty. You had this planned before today?” He took me by the elbow, and I spun around to face him.
“Yes,” I said hotly, wrenching my arm away from him. “Because unlike you, we don’t all have superbrains to fall back on.” I hurried to my bunk, where my half-empty duffel bag sat waiting for me. I thought I’d be taking it into a better part of the city that evening, not Denver, and certainly not the club where Tabs lived. But I’d planned for the worst, thinking that when she arrived to pick me up, I’d tell her that I wouldn’t be going with her after all. Not this.
“Fine,” he called, disappearing into the boys’ bunk. Half a minute later, he appeared in the doorway holding his backpack. “I’m coming with you.”
I shoved my shirt into my bag. “What are you going to do in a club, Benjy?”
“We’re not going to the club,” he said. “We’re running away.”
“No, we’re not. I’m not going to let you do that to yourself.”
“I already told you. If you only earned a III, there’s no hope for me.” He grabbed a sweatshirt I’d borrowed from him and stuffed it into his backpack. “You’re just as clever as me and you know it.”
“No, I’m not,” I said, my face burning as I struggled not to cry. I hadn’t cried in years, not since Tabs had gone underground and we hadn’t heard a word from her for six months. By the time she’d finally waltzed back into our lives, I’d convinced myself she was dead in a ditch somewhere. “Either way, you can read.”
Before today, I’d managed to get by all right. Benjy had attempted to teach me to read for years, and while I could recite the alphabet, words didn’t make sense to me. We’d been seven when Benjy had taken pity on me after our teacher had mocked me for not being able to spell my own name. He’d been there ever since, shielding me again and again. He even had two kinds of handwriting: his own and the handwriting he used on my homework when he wrote down the answers I gave him. But this wasn’t something that Benjy could protect me from, no matter how hard he tried.
“Come here,” he said, and I walked into his open arms. He ran his fingers through my hair and stood there silently, and I refused to let myself cry. It wouldn’t solve anything, and the last thing I wanted was to let Benjy see how upset I really was. As long as I pretended to be strong enough to take this, I would have a way to keep him from doing something stupid.
“You can’t go with me. I’ll be okay,” I said, my voice muffled by his shirt. I wished I could believe my own words.
“I would rather have you and no mark than a VI and lose you,” he said. “I don’t care if it means we’ll be hunted. I won’t let you go.”
I took a shaky breath. “Please don’t do that to me. Don’t make me be the reason your life is ruined. You won’t lose me, I promise. I’ll come see you every day, and when you turn seventeen, you can take your test, and then we’ll both be okay.”
“You’re my girlfriend,” he said roughly. “I don’t want those pigs touching you.”
“I’m not exactly happy with the idea, either,” I said, rubbing his back. “But I won’t let Nina risk the kids by hiding me, and I’m not going to Denver.”
“Can’t you see if they’ll place you in a position here?” said Benjy.
“I already asked when I got my assignment. They said—they said Extras from D.C. who score low always get placed in other cities. The Heights are too crowded, and we don’t have any family holding us here.”
“Yes, you do,” he said. “You have me.”
I swallowed hard. “They don’t care. They said I’m lucky I wasn’t sent Elsewhere when I was little, and I should take what I can get. I’m not going, Benjy. I know you think it’ll be better, but it can’t be. Not without you, okay? And Tabs is my only option.”
He slipped his hand underneath my shirt and traced an invisible pattern around my navel. “There has to be another way.”
“If you can think of something, I’m all ears.”
He kissed me, his lips warm against mine as he gently nudged me backward onto the bed. “Maybe, before you go...”
I sat down on the edge of my bunk, but I set my hand against his chest, holding him at a distance. “I’m sorry,” I said softly. “Tabs said they’ll take better care of me if we’ve never...” I trailed off.
“I should be your first,” said Benjy, sitting beside me and lacing his fingers in mine.
“And you will be.”
“No, I won’t. Not if you go with Tabs.”
I shook my head. “They won’t count. They will never count. It’s just you, and it will always be just you, okay? You’ll be the first I love and the only one that ever matters.”
He rested his forehead against mine and squeezed his eyes shut. “If something happens to you—”
“That’s what the club’s there for,” I said. “To protect me.”
“They didn’t do a very good job with Tabs.”
“Tabs does extra stuff on the side,” I lied. “I’ll be okay. It’s one month, and then it’ll be over, and it’ll be me and you for the rest of our lives, okay? Maybe no one will even want me.”
Benjy gave me a look, his eyes rimmed with red. “If they don’t want you, they’re crazy.”
I kissed him again, this time chastely. “Just forget about this part and think about what it’ll be like when you get your VI, okay?”
“I can’t,” he said, his voice breaking. “It isn’t fair to me, Kitty, and it isn’t fair to you. I love you, and nothing will ever change that, but I can’t sit here and do nothing while they—while they—” He shook his head, and the cords in his neck strained. “I can’t.”
“Then don’t,” I said, my chest tightening. “If it’ll make it better—”
“Nothing is going to make this better. You have no idea what you’re getting into.”
“I know,” I whispered. “But I have to. And by the time it’s over, we’ll have enough saved up to get out of here. Go anywhere we want. You’ll have your pick of assignments, and we’ll never have to worry about any of this again. Until then...” My mouth went dry, and I tightened my grip on his hand. “Until then, I think we should break up.”
Benjy stiffened beside me, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to.
“You’re right,” I said. “You deserve better than this. Better than having me as a girlfriend.