her eyes, Anna stared down at her hand, felt the dampness and coolness of her fingers around the brass knob. Kyle had loved the SEALs more. And that was what she had to remember. No matter what happened today, out at Christmas Tree Hill, Anna had to keep that knowledge that she was second in his life. Her heart didn’t want to remember it, but her head did.
Slowly, she twisted the knob and the door quietly opened before her. Anna heard the soft snap and crackle of wood in the massive fireplace down the hall. Those natural sounds always soothed her. This afternoon, she knew Kyle was there, warming himself by the fire, waiting for her.
Her heart cried out in anguish to go to him, wrap her arms around his narrow waist, rest her head against his well-sprung chest, feel his arms slide around her, enclose her, hold her close. In four days, the desperation had built within her so much that Anna felt like a crazed animal, wanting to throw caution to the wind. Take Kyle to her bed, love him with all the passion she possessed and allow him to return it to her. She saw the look in his eyes. Saw the hunger for her in them. Anna knew he didn’t possess the ability to hide how he felt toward her. With her, Kyle wore his heart on his sleeve, too.
Numbly, she walked down the flagstone hall, the hollow sound of the tread of her boots against the caramel, white and sienna–colored sedimentary rock. As she emerged, Kyle lifted his chin, his gaze narrowing on her. Heat began to build in her breasts, tightening them, and then that arc of blazing heat dived below, nestling and restless deep within her. All Kyle had to do was look at her. Just a look.
“Ready?” he asked, studying her closely as she drew up to him.
“Yes,” she said, a little breathless.
“Blue sky and sunshine out there,” he said, slipping his hand beneath her elbow. “A beautiful day. Jepson said it was going to get above freezing.”
Anna barely heard his low, dark voice that always made her shiver with anticipation. She felt the monitored strength of his long, strong fingers cupping her elbow as he opened the door and guided her into the crisp afternoon air.
Kyle led her outside the gated fence to a black Chevy truck. He opened the passenger door for Anna and she stepped inside the cab. The sky was blindingly blue, and she put on her red baseball cap and dark glasses. Watching Kyle walk around the truck, the way his shoulders were proudly squared, she admired the strength in his face, in the set of his jaw. It was when her gaze dropped to his well-shaped mouth that she groaned internally. How badly she wanted his mouth upon hers.
“Jepson said he had a wrangler take a grader up into the road area earlier this morning where we’ll find a tree,” Kyle said, putting the truck in gear. He drove out of the plowed area, remembering the way to that hill.
“We’ll need two trees today, Kyle.”
“Two it is.” He smiled as he drove slowly down the road covered with hard-packed snow. “How are you feeling today?”
“Okay,” she lied, clasping her gloved hands in her lap.
“Dizziness?”
“None so far today.”
“Good.”
There was relief in his low voice, and genuine caring. In all the years, Kyle had never lied to her. He’d always been honest and straightforward with her. Anna felt as if she were sitting next to sunlight. Kyle unaccountably lifted her spirit. Fed her hope. Made her feel as if everything in the world would turn out all right. He’d always made her feel that way.
“My mother emailed me and said you’d gotten a divorce,” Kyle said, giving her a glance.
“Yes. From Tom Carter.” Giving him a quick look, she saw his set profile, his brows down. “Why?”
“I didn’t know him.”
“He was a drifter.”
“Who came to work here?”
“Yes.” Anna knotted her hands, staring at them.
“He must have been special for you to fall in love with him.”
Wincing internally, Anna said, “I thought I loved him.”
The cab went silent, just the slow grind of the engine as Kyle guided the truck up and around a long curve. Up ahead was a large hill wreathed with evergreens.
“What do you mean you thought you loved him?” Kyle moved his gloved hand a little on the steering wheel, keeping his eyes on the slippery road.
“I was...young.” Her throat tightened and she didn’t dare look at Kyle or she’d burst out in tears.
“I didn’t know about it.” Kyle took a deep breath. “Only the divorce. I’m sorry, Anna. You deserve only happiness.”
Pain scored her heart. “A-after you left at twenty-two, I was lost, Kyle. I’m not blaming you. I know you asked me to marry you, but I just couldn’t...I couldn’t...”
He reached out and squeezed her arm for a moment. “It’s all right. I understood why you didn’t, Anna.”
Pain increased in her heart, and she wished his fingers would remain around her lower arm. “I wanted a family....”
“Yes,” he said, his voice thick, “you’ve always been a mother at heart. You’ve wanted a brood of kids since forever.”
She opened her hands. “I thought when Tom entered my life, that I could love him. That we could settle down. He said he wanted kids, too.” She touched her nose. A memory. “I believed him.”
“We fell out of touch after I left,” Kyle said, apology in his voice.
“I couldn’t email you, Kyle. It was—too painful.”
Nodding, he rasped, “Yeah, for both of us, but especially for you. It’s okay. I understand.”
“After a while,” Anna whispered, “I wanted to email you. But Tom discovered all the letters and emails you had written to me over the years from eighteen until you were twenty-two.... He was furious and jealous.”
Giving her a sharpened look, Kyle heard the anguish in her voice. “Jealous?”
“Very.”
“I took all the letters you’d written to me and hid them from him because I knew he would destroy them. He accused me of being unfaithful to him. Of loving you, not him.” Anna met his turbulent gaze. “I was twenty-seven at the time. We’d had a five-year marriage and I knew Tom wanted to leave me. I—I couldn’t get pregnant. I’d suffered two miscarriages earlier and he blamed me.... He said I still loved you and not him.” Anna flexed her fingers in a helpless gesture.
“Damn.” Kyle’s mouth thinned as he pulled up to the hill. There was a path that led up to the Scotch pine that grew on the rounded summit. Turning off the truck engine, he unbuckled his seat belt and turned, sliding his arm around Anna’s hunched shoulders. Her face was filled with misery. “I wish... I wish I’d known all of this, Anna.”
“Why?” She held his stare. “What good would it have done, Kyle?”
He frowned. “Because I’ve always cared about you, Anna. Growing up, we always talked. We were best of friends. We held one another’s secrets.” Kyle took his gloved finger and moved some of her long hair away from her ear so he could see her face. “I never wanted to lose that connection with you, Anna. Not ever. I’m sorry if you thought I didn’t care. I always have....”
Tears jammed into her eyes and she quickly swallowed them away. Just the grazing touch of his index finger against her hair sent sheets of prickles and pleasure through her. She pulled away, unable to handle Kyle’s contact. Because if she didn’t remove herself, she’d collapse into his arms, cling to him and never let him go again. “I know you care,” she whispered brokenly, pushing the door open, unharnessing and escaping.
Leaving the cab, Kyle picked up the