Changes in your personal life
If what you fear most is losing the freedom to spend as much time as you want engaging in leisure activities, then you’re in for some life-altering sacrifices. Babies require you to say no to a lot of commitments that the prebaby you would have been eager to engage in. Don’t make a lot of outside-the-home plans that you consider optional, at least at first.
For the first six months, going out at night is challenging, especially if your partner is breast-feeding and/or you don’t live near family. However, as your baby ages, leaving him with a babysitter becomes more feasible and less stressful.
Perhaps what you fear the most is the impact baby will have on your relationship with your partner. This fear is valid, given that you’ll scarcely find time for the two of you to be alone. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have time to connect.
Changes in your professional life
Depending on the requirements of your job, your daily routine may go completely unchanged aside from the uptick in yawns due to late-night feedings and fussiness. Thoughts of your new family may make focusing difficult, especially when you first return to work following any paternity leave or vacation time you take. It won’t be long, though, before you settle back into a normal routine, and work just may become the one arena of your life that provides a respite from parenting duties.
Workaholics, however, find themselves at a crossroads. Some choose to cut back on hours spent at the office, whereas others, hopefully with the full support of their partners, proceed with business as usual. There’s no right or wrong way to balance a demanding job with a new baby as long as you and your partner are comfortable with the arrangement and you spend enough quality time with your child.
What is quality time? It’s time you spend with your child, focusing on your child. Some people say quality time has nothing to do with the quantity of time you spend with your child, but we feel that it’s affected by the amount of time you devote to your child. Give as much as you can because the old adage is true — they grow up so fast. Your smartphone will still be there when baby goes to bed.
Some dads even leave the workforce altogether or take work-at-home positions to provide full-time childcare for their newborn. If you choose this route, make sure to check out Chapter 14, which notes some important considerations of being a stay-at-home daddy.
Lifestyle changes to consider
Bad habits are hard to break, but when you have the added stress of a baby, those habits can be even harder to conquer. That said, you’re about to have a child — a sponge that will soak up your every word and action — so it’s time to clean up your act. Following are a few lifestyle alterations to consider making so you can lead by example without reservation:
Control your anger and censor your potty mouth. Kids learn how to treat and interact with others at a very young age. Start revising your behavior now and get used to swearing less, before your kid picks up some foul-mouthed communication habits.
Develop routines. Be it running errands, cooking, making phone calls, or paying the bills, get systems in place to ensure that everything gets done with the least amount of stress. Knowing who does what when keeps you on track when baby throws a wrench into everything.
Eat healthier. Your partner needs to be extremely diligent about eating pregnancy-positive foods, so use this time as an opportunity to get your diet in order. Soon enough, you’ll be cooking for three, and if you’re already in the habit of preparing healthy foods, you’ll have no trouble providing proper nutrition to your child.
Lose weight. If you’re considerably overweight, you’re more susceptible to illness and a shortened life span. Furthermore, children of obese parents are more likely to be obese. Kids learn nutrition and lifestyle habits from their parents, so set a good example and give your child a fair shot at a long, healthy life.
Organize and de-clutter your home. Create a safe, livable place for your new addition, which also helps decrease the amount of stress in your life.
Quit smoking/drinking too much/taking recreational drugs. Secondhand smoke increases the risk of illness for your child and the likelihood that she’ll become a smoker as an adult. Frequent overconsumption of alcohol makes you less likely to be a responsible parent capable of making good, safe decisions for baby. In fact, alcohol and drugs often lead to harmful and neglectful decisions that can land you in legal trouble and your child in the foster care system.
Spend less money on nonessential items. Teaching kids fiscal responsibility is just as important as teaching them social responsibility. Plus, kids aren’t cheap, so stop spending $50 per week on lattes and comic books and start banking your savings to provide a sound, secure future for your family.
Start an exercise regimen. Physically active, healthy parents get less run down and are less susceptible to illness. Plus, you want to live a long life with your children.
Bringing baby into a turbulent world
Our modern life seems to get more complex by the day, from politics and social media to pandemics and increasingly erratic natural disasters — now might seem like a particularly scary time to bring a baby into the world. If you’re concerned, remember you’re not alone. Millennials are waiting longer to get married, buy a home, and have children. There’s never a “right” time to have a baby — when you’re ready, the rest of the noise won’t matter as much. Your decision to have a child is separate from the chaos that has always been and will always be, and as long as you provide a safe, happy home, your baby will be happy and healthy, too. The best thing you can do is be honest with your partner about any concerns you have and decide together how you want to raise your child. It’s never too soon to start discussing the world you want for your child and to figure out how you can facilitate providing that world.
Also, during pregnancy (and beyond!) it’s absolutely okay to take a break from social media, to unfollow people and pages that cause stress, and to take a break from podcasts and cable news. Sure, it might feel like sticking your head in the sand, but a stress-free and happy pregnancy is your number-one job. Anything that stands in the way of that can be excised or paused in your life for as long as you both desire.
Deciding to Take the Plunge (or Not)
Deciding the right time in life to have a baby isn’t an easy task, especially because circumstances change on a seemingly daily basis. However, family planning is an essential step that can minimize what ifs, frustrations, and regrets. After you have a baby, you can’t take it back. Knowing when you’re ready to be parents and then trying to conceive means that when you actually do get pregnant, the timing will be right. Or at least as right as any time can be, considering you have such little control over life’s variables.
Determining whether you’re ready
How does it feel when you know you want to be a father? And how can you know when you’re actually ready to start trying for a baby? Those questions have no simple answers because the feeling is different for everyone, but suffice it to say, you’ll know when you know.
One sign to look for is a prolonged interest and fascination with the babies of friends and family members. Some women