of self-confidence and a strong sense of self-esteem, because only in very few cases do other people pay attention to setting healthy limits for them - and that is correct, because it is your task to set and adhere to these limits. Now you might think, "Overtime and extra work are my only chance to improve my professional position!" - No, I'm not. Why not simply use the time of overtime to further your education privately or to gain further qualifications? Stubborn ambition will rarely bring you to your goal and if you are willing to devote a lot of time to changing your professional position anyway, then please do so effectively and with added value!
Obstructive thoughts: Showing commitment
At the moment when the recognition and opinion of outside persons becomes more important than one's own judgement, we disregard our individual personal limits. The opinions of other people can be varied: "Children should be in kindergarten at the age of one year", "Those who do not get involved socially at least once a week do not deserve a place in our society". Or "One should be reasonably dressed." Of course it is nice to have your place in society, to be liked by the neighbours and to be appreciated by the family, but what is this recognition worth if we consider our own opinion and our own way of life to be less valuable? It is certainly praiseworthy to ensure that the children go to the ballet and that the dog attends the dog school on Saturdays. If you then add regular social commitment, parents' evenings, Pilates courses, kindergarten parties, company celebrations and the like, then the year is quickly planned out without you having to decide for yourself.
As soon as we realize that a certain activity puts us under stress and pressure, we should ask ourselves why we want to participate in this activity in the first place. Is it really our interest in the activity itself or do we just follow the opinion of other people? At these points, listen to yourself again and again to find out what motivates you to pursue exactly these activities. Are they fears of missing the boat or of not meeting social expectations? What about your very own opinion on these issues? Some superfluous activities can simply be removed from the schedule and for other activities wonderful alternatives can be found. Commitment is important when there is time and peace for it. What is more important than commitment? Your health, your relaxation and your happiness.
Obstructive thoughts: Self-doubt
I can't do that or others can do it better? Have you ever had such a thought? Then the self-doubt gnaws at you and can bring your inner balance quite beautifully out of balance. Self-doubt can manifest itself in many different ways. While one is hesitant to apply for a better position due to "lack of qualifications", the next is hesitant to approach the management of a private or professional project because "others can certainly do better". Yes, there will always be someone who has better qualifications or could manage a project better, but the fact is: you can do it too.
We are all creatures capable of learning and have an unbelievable number of opportunities for further education and training at their disposal. So it is not the challenge itself that disturbs you, but rather your self-doubt that keeps you from taking the first step in the right direction. What tasks and challenges have you not accepted in your life due to self-doubt? And for what reason? Often the fear of failing and of not being up to a task is behind the self-doubt. However, this is rarely related to the actual abilities and skills!
How are self-doubt and inner balance connected? The more balanced you become - for example through the methods proposed in this book - the sooner you will be able to unmask the hidden fears behind your excuses and devote yourself to realizing your dreams. With a growing focus on your own needs, you will learn to distinguish self-doubts/fear from actual lack of knowledge or skills. Then you are one step closer to realizing your actual wishes. The deep dissatisfaction caused by self-doubt is definitely an enemy of inner balance!
Converting obstructive thoughts
To recognize these hindering thoughts, of which there is of course much more than described in this book, is the first step. The next step is to find the reason for these negative mental patterns and the third step is to establish positive mental patterns. This sequence can be mastered by mindfulness. Mindfulness can be integrated into everyday life in a variety of ways, as experienced in the presentation of the various methods for greater inner balance later in the book.
At the beginning, it is probably very difficult in a situation where you are under acute stress, where the sequence of "recognizing thoughts, finding reasons, transforming thoughts" becomes an almost insoluble task. In such stressful situations, they act not from a relaxed position, but from the instinct-controlled escape mode. So you will not be able to get out of this situation with mindful thoughts without a little practice, even if it is your goal to experience more inner balance in everyday life.
So my tip is to do some preliminary work here and dedicate yourself to some mindfulness and reflection exercises every day. In this way, you will practise being consciously aware of yourself every day, fathoming your own fears and recognising the various mental patterns. The more you know about yourself and the reasons for your ways of thinking and behaving, the easier it is to change them for the better. But before you start your practice, you should get a little involved with the topic of how new habits should be integrated into everyday life!
Integrating new habits into everyday life
Maybe you have heard the sentence "Then just don't get upset about it..." several times in your life. And how did this recommendation work out for you? Probably you just couldn't "just" not get excited, just couldn't "just" not get angry and so this sentence didn't make a big difference in your life. But why can't we just not get excited? Because our thoughts shape our emotions and a large part of our thoughts arise unconsciously and subconsciously.
So it's not surprising why we can't "just" stop worrying about the broken cell phone battery or the sold out favorite drink. So to achieve profound inner balance, more than just a small sentence is necessary and that is exactly what this chapter is about. Not all methods will suit you or please you - so choose the methods you like right away and practice them regularly. For just as you have built up negative subconscious and unconscious beliefs through constancy and regularity, you must now work with constancy and regularity on building positive beliefs. I recommend you to devote yourself to at least one method daily for 15 minutes and to increase this time slowly but surely.
After a few weeks you may return to this chapter and discover that a previously uninteresting method now sounds appealing after all. So don't exclude uninteresting methods for eternity at the moment, but stay open for these methods and dare to approach them at a later point in time. Each method has its own advantages and effects from which you can profit in the long run. How exactly you can integrate these methods into your everyday life, you can find out now!
Accepting a new habit
Maybe you are feeling great enthusiasm right now and would like to try out all the methods right now? I advise against this, because we need an average of 30 days to successfully integrate a new habit into our daily lives and until then learning a new habit is quite exhausting for us. So my tip is: Do not take more than one method per week. Sometimes it is even enough to devote a month to just one method and then try out another. Or you can immediately find the method that suits you perfectly and you can hide all other methods of learning inner balance. So this is your first task: to read through all methods carefully and to decide on a method. Go here according to your gut feeling and trust your intuition. It does not make sense to weigh up the advantages and disadvantages of each method very carefully, because in the end it depends less on the method than on your application!
The first 30 days is the integration of a new habit into everyday life quite a bit of work, after all you have to convince your body and mind daily of the importance of the new habit. I can say from my own experience that it is not easy to devote half an hour every day to meditation or yoga. Even if it is quite clear that this new habit will provide more relaxation and happiness in the long run. We humans are creatures of habit and prefer the quickly perceptible success, which is only limited in yoga, for example. Since these methods only address the short-term reward system to a limited extent, we need a lot of motivation until the new habit has actually become a habit and we feel the first long-term successes.