Planning A Wedding For Dummies. Sarah Lizabeth Barker

is a reason for this. There is always a “why,” and I challenge you to find that out. It will open communication and help avoid problems down the road or aisle.

      Why did this mom do this to her daughter? My guess is that from the time her daughter got engaged until the wedding, they never once spoke about the fact that mom didn’t like the groom. It was brewing inside and when she hit the aisle, everything came to the surface, and it was not good.

      

If your parents are paying for your wedding, it’s important to sit down with them and talk about whatever is important to them regarding your wedding. Ask them if they have any needs or expectations for the wedding. It’s an unbelievable gift that they’re paying for your wedding, so you need to have a conversation about their expectations. Ask them some of the following questions:

       How many guests do you plan on inviting?

       Do have a particular menu in mind?

       Do you have an idea of what kind of entertainment you want to provide?

       Is there anything that you want to see at the wedding?

       Are you excited about the big day?

       Do you have any reservations about the wedding day?

      Having conversations with your parents will help you avoid any problems down the road. As the mother of three girls, I’m certain that I will be feeling all kinds of emotions when they get married. I hope that those emotions come out in a positive way. If they don’t, it’s most likely because I felt as though my opinion or voice didn’t matter. That is my “why.” I want my voice to matter.

      

Find out the “why” behind your parents’ opinion. Trust me, they have a reason why they hate white flowers. Acknowledge that and then explain to them how much you love white flowers and as much as you appreciate everything they’re doing for you, it’s important to you to have white flowers. Setting those boundaries early in the wedding planning process will help you plan the perfect day that reflects you and your fiancé.

      In Chapter 2 we’ll talk about picking the perfect bridal party. They are your people. Some you have picked, and some are picked for you because they’re family. Regardless, you have them and everything that comes with them. My hope for you is that they behave, but what if they don’t? Too often, clients tell me stories about something one of their bridesmaids is doing or a groomsman who isn’t holding up to his job duties. Regardless of what the situation may be, it only stresses out the couple, leaving them frustrated and wishing they had picked a better squad.

Just as in marriage, communication is key to setting boundaries with your bridal party. Logistical details are all they need to know during the wedding planning process. Give them the specific information they’ll need, such as what to wear, when to arrive at the rehearsal, the time and location of the rehearsal dinner, and what time to be at the venue on the wedding day.

      I know you’re excited about the details and you may want to share those. But please know that your bridal party will have opinions, so if you’re comfortable with listening to their opinions, then share away. It would be amazing if when you share details with them, they are excited and think your choices are the best possible choices. However, the frustration comes in when they offer their opinion and it upsets you. I don’t want that happening for you.

      

The main point I want you to hear is that there are so many special people in your life and that is amazing! All those people have opinions. Keep those boundaries up between your dreams and their opinions. This day is about the two of you and no one else, period. Respectfully listen and then filter out what isn’t of value to your wedding or doesn’t reflect who you are as a couple. Stay focused on your fiancé’s opinion and build a day for the two of you to enjoy because white flowers are your favorite!

      Continuing to date your fiancé

      Remember that time you and your fiancé used to date? You had butterflies just thinking about going out on the town together or cooking dinner at home. Now you’re in wedding planning mode and all you do is talk about the wedding. Your conversations may even end in a big fight because you can’t possibly understand why it’s important to your fiancé to play a certain song at the reception. You hate that song and don’t understand why they like it and there is no way you are playing that song, so you argue. In this section we’ll discuss the importance of dating the person you are going to marry and maintaining the relationship through the wedding planning process.

      

Wedding planning can cause stress in a relationship. It can be frustrating to disagree on the details or upsetting that they don’t seem to care about those details. You feel as though this should be the most important thing on their list of things to do, but maybe it isn’t. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, take a break from constantly talking about the wedding and go on a date. When you’re on that date, you are not allowed to talk about the wedding.

You’re planning an event and problem-solving together. This can bring up unexpected emotions because, let’s face it, planning a wedding is a big deal. But you’re both different people. One of you may be so excited about the details while the other feels stressed and overwhelmed. In your marriage, there will be decisions that you have to make together — big decisions like buying a house or car or starting a family.

      

The most important thing to do is to take care of your relationship through the wedding planning process. Like I’ve said, there is life after wedding planning, and you will be married. Take the time to continue to build your relationship outside of the wedding planning box. Think back to before you were engaged, and you spent time together. What did you do for fun? Make every effort possible to continue to do those things and focus on building your relationship.

      In case you forgot what it’s like to go on a date with your fiancé, I put together a list of some fun team-building date night ideas. And remember, no wedding talk!

       Camp out under the stars.

       Build a bonfire together.

       Recreate your first date.

       Make something from scratch.

       Plan a scavenger hunt.

       Attend a paint or pottery class.

       Make homemade pizza.

       Do something that your fiancé loves to do and you don’t.

       Build a fort in the living room, like when you were a kid.

       Take a dance class together.

      Considering premarital counseling

      If I could gift every client something, it would be premarital counseling, because I believe it’s extremely valuable in preparing for your marriage. I understand that this may not be your cup of tea and that’s okay. In this section, we’ll talk about what it is, offer some advice, and see if it’s something you want to be a part of your wedding planning journey.

      What is premarital counseling? Premarital counseling is a therapy with your fiancé prior to getting married. The main focuses are on defining marriage, dealing with past relationships, roles inside the marriage, money management, planning for a family, and communication in your marriage. Let’s talk a little more about each of those.

       Defining marriage: It’s important to discuss your expectations of marriage. If you’re going