speech and, stopping right in front of Robert and Mark, continued, slightly lowering her voice:
– In fact, each of us is a pretty good motivational coach for ourselves, aren’t we? I’m sure that last week, and the week before, was not without its difficulties for all of you. I confess that I did too: a heavy flight, having to prepare a place for a meeting, negotiations with representatives of the local administration.
Jessica smiled, defusing the situation. And Robert noted that for the first time in his practice the confidential tone was used so successfully. No tedious introductions, no boring enumeration of their own achievements. A relaxed and open conversation was immediately initiated. Therefore, the revelations expressed by a complete stranger previously he wanted to respond with a conspiratorial tone: “Yes, and I had a hard time this week, and last week, and in the end, all the previous ones, too! But Robert didn’t have time to say it out loud. The girl seated by the window answered on behalf of all those present, whose despondent look, which had previously touched him, was now truly despondent:
– I can’t get over my sadness at all. Can you help me deal with the loss I have experienced?
The girl’s eyes instantly moistened. Robert was struck by the reaction to what the specialist had said. Immediately Jessica walked over to the speaker and sat down next to her. In a low, trustworthy voice she said:
– You and I are in the present moment, here and now. Your sadness is perfectly normal, and my task is to help you not only learn to accept it, but also to cope with the negative consequences of the experience.
Then, turning to the whole group, Jessica continued:
– All the emotions we experience are perfectly normal, but we are often ashamed, unable to accept them, suppress them and as a result get trapped, constantly reacting to the same stimuli. We walk like a rounded corridor, discovering traces of the same experiences. For example, sadness leads again and again to depressing thoughts…
Jessica rose from her chair, again looking trustingly and warmly into the eyes of the girl, who smiled in response, albeit faintly, but still. The therapist continued her monologue:
– But you don’t live your life to the fullest, constantly coming back to the guilt that owns you, you don’t see ways to cope with what haunts you. And there are ways out, take a look.
Taking a marker, Jessica quickly drew a straight line and two circles on the board from the beginning of the line to the end. And then, after some pause, a curved line, going away from the second circle, and another curved line, opposite, approaching it like a boomerang. The explanation was not long in coming.
– The circles drawn on this board represent events, words, and facts that you encounter every day, – Jessica said. – You react to events in different ways. Take, for example, aggression. You can express your dissatisfaction directly…
In this case, the coach pointed to a straight line. In such a situation, she explained, the aggressor immediately gets a response in the form of no less rude words to his address. And most importantly – the situation causes negative emotions, which affect the person negatively. In some cases, on the contrary, people prefer to walk away from aggression directed at them. Such behavior is indicated by a line going away.
– Here, for example, you are criticized undeservedly, someone rude and harshly responded to you, and you kept silent, – said Jessica, and it was clear to everyone that she knows firsthand what she is talking about. – But the offender and the critic won’t benefit themselves either. They will realize their impunity, they will not be able to develop their perception. And remember…
Then she opened the marker and hastily wrote a few words on the board over the chart. Robert, looking carefully, read: “AGGRESSION THAT HAS NO EXIT, CLOSES IN ITSELF”.
Jessica then briefly described various approaches and concepts of understanding aggression and practical ways to struggle with its displays in psychology and psychotherapy. Having finished her speech, she again turned to the chart, pointing to the line that curved up to the circle from below:
– But you can change the situation, you can offer your attention and support to someone who opposes you. You will ask: “How? After all, I have been undeservedly offended, unjustly accused, I am again being attacked for nothing. I have to respond, I have to get even”. It is complicated, but it is possible to extinguish the conflict with the help of excessive support. It should be active, without negativity, and even with a touch of humor, which naturally follows from the context of the position taken.
Jessica Highlander, a young girl, so cheerful and energetic and seemingly far away from such problems, nevertheless inspired confidence with her wise thoughts. It was impossible not to be involved in the conversation, and Robert himself didn’t notice how he began to talk about cases from his life related to aggression.
– Just now, about an hour ago, I had an argument with a driver who was parked on the sidewalk. And he started it first, I just defended myself, – said Robert, which instantly attracted the attention of all present.
Jessica smiled and looked at him with interest and said:
– A very common case, and no less interesting because of it. Can you tell us more about it…
She paused and raised an eyebrow.
– How can we address you?
– Mr. Robert, – he introduced himself and continued his story. – I was walking along the sidewalk just in time for the session. He ran straight under my feet, almost knocked me down, and, most importantly, immediately attacked me with accusations that I was walking too fast, getting in the way, interfering with the traffic. I, of course, told him back. What’s there to say. And that was it. We almost had a fight.
The psychotherapist gave an answer right away:
– But the situation could have been resolved differently. How? I’ll give you a hint. With your support for the aggressor, of course.
All present impatiently waited to hear the cherished formula for the resolution of the conflict. Jessica wrote three short instructions on the board:
“1. Support isn’t given as a directive;
2. Neither advice or counseling are given in the first place;
3. Contains a statement of fact.”
And then I asked a question:
– How can the situation be resolved according to this method? Try to model it!
– How? – grinned Robert and, of course, wished his offender to fly into a tree. – Advise him to learn the rules of the road?
Jessica shook her head slightly, smiled and replied:
– Here you are generating advice, but you should strive to support unobtrusively but confidently, with humor and straightforwardness.
There was a whisper from the audience:
– Let’s tell him he’s a confident driver.
The speaker was Mark. He must have had time to learn the lessons Jessica taught him, and from the looks he exchanged with Jessica, it was clear that they knew each other.
– It’s a good one, but it could be better,” she urged. – The important thing is that you have to be as benevolent as possible, you have to be sensitive to your attacker, to anyone who’s aggressive toward you. The greatest involvement.
Jessica turned to Robert:
– What did you say to the driver in response to what he said?
Robert shrugged his shoulders:
– Threatened that I would appeal to the traffic police. Yes, I got angry.
He smiled at a loss, realizing that the answer within the method is clearly inappropriate. And Jessica,