System life. How to organize life to cope with uncertainty and achieve results without burnout
the developer will not disappear, there will be a guarantee of work, we will have enough money to survive the crisis and so on and so forth. We want everything to be clear, stable, predictable. We want to organize everything, get guarantees, insure ourselves, avoid difficulties. We cannot stand uncertainty, and we begin to break down when it is unclear what will happen next. So strong that it is impossible to tolerate it, and we start having anxiety. Research has proven that we tolerate pain more easily than uncertainty, because pain is understandable to us. For example, the uncertainty that everything is going well at work has a worse effect on health than dismissal. No one is to blame for this. This is how our brain works. Look at the SCARF social behavior model (Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, Fairness), which was developed by David Rock. It explains the five main goals that our brain perceives as critically important:
1. Status – a sense of respect caused by a position in the hierarchy;
2. Certainty – the ability to predict the consequences;
3. Autonomy – a sense of control over what is happening;
4. Relatedness – a sense of security next to others;
5. Fairness – the perception of a fair exchange.
Everything is quite logical. With the help of these goals, our brain fulfills the well-known instinct of self-preservation. From the second point it is clear that the brain wants confidence, and considers all the unknown stuff to be dangerous. It must know what any action will lead to, and will do everything to avoid uncertainty. But there is no certainty! If it were, we could say with 100% certainty that the ruble would not devalue, there would be no self-isolation, a war would not start, a meteorite would not fall to the Earth, etc. We try to make predictions, but there is no certainty anymore. If there had been, then 10 years ago you could have said: «I want to be the manager of a virtual influencer on a social network,» but no one could have imagined that such a thing could be. And no amount of forecasting would help to predict it. No matter how much we strive for certainty, we will never be able to get it. The brain wants what it doesn’t have. Yep, what a paradox. Think for yourself, there is no certainty in anything. Anything can happen, anytime. This has not been news for a long time. Nassim Taleb wrote everything in his books a long time ago. But the task of learning to accept uncertainty is still very relevant.
What to do with uncertainty?
First you need to change your worldview about the future, uncertainty and problems.
1. There is no image of the future anymore. The future has trends, but it is impossible to predict the future just by analyzing them. My wife’s uncle once said: «When we lived in the USSR, everything was clear. It’s like you’re flying slowly and steadily on a spaceship, but it’s clear where you are heading. And now you’re flying on the same ship, but 100 times faster, and meteorites are flying at you. And you only can try to dodge them.» Then there was no certainty either, but there was too little speed to notice it. Today, the speed of the world is regularly increasing and can make a leap in a day. If you are asked at an interview, «who do you see yourself in 5 years?», then you need to leave it or answer with a fictional profession. Let them prove that there will be no such thing in 5 years. Today life is like running in a fog. You can see it up close, but not further than 5 meters ahead. Like a map of the area in a computer game – it opens further when you come to its border.
2. We need to accept the uncertainty. Such a decision will give you the strength to make changes. When you stop looking for certainty in everything, there will be less stress. Most problems arise because you are trying to predict the future. Any prediction is stressful. A forecast describes events that may or may not occur. You can’t guarantee to influence it, but you try to find certainty and worry that you don’t find it. The forecast is your thoughts, as it may be, and the plan is what you will do at certain events. Only now we need to learn how to plan in the fog. To do this, you have 5 meters of visibility. Hang a sticker or poster at home «I accept uncertainty» and start slowly getting used to it. It will be a long way, but without accepting uncertainty, nothing new will happen.
3. There are no problems. There are only situations and your attitude to them. For example, people don’t want to make you feel bad, they do everything to make them feel good. It turns out their «good» can be «bad» for you. Why do people quarrel? Because they have different views on the same situations. For one it is a problem, but for the other it is not. Of course, tragedies happen in life, and everything is pretty clear here. But time does not stop. You also need to be able to relate to them and experience them correctly. It’s a lot of work, but it’s also a situation, and you have your own attitude to it. Animals have no consciousness and no problems. They are not able to give events such a characteristic as «problem». A crow on the branch is not sad that a raven does not approach her, and she is lonely. She doesn’t croak to everyone around that she has problems in her personal life. Only people call dissatisfaction with the situation or mismatch of expectations a problem. All the problems come from the fact that life has become too simple and safe. Now you don’t have to worry about being eaten by a lion or dying of cold in a cave. The brain is sharpened by evolution to search for risks and anxiety, but our life does not give it reasons. Therefore, the brain finds them in any situation, worries, and we call it problems. We avoid them and are afraid. Moreover, they so simply allow us to justify inaction or harmful decisions. Do not perceive problems as an evil force from the outside that prevents you from living. Replace the word «problem» with «undesirable situation» and make it a rule: «A task should be formulated from any undesirable situation.» Then solve it or use analysis to figure out why it can’t be done.
«Never explain with malicious intent
what can easily be explained by stupidity»
Dependence on certainty can have very bad consequences. If everything is clear in advance, then what will be the motive to develop? When you become financially independent, you become more confident. The future begins to seem certain. This is especially dangerous for those who do not understand their true desires. For them, the comfort zone becomes a breeding ground for degradation. It will be everything, but it will be boring. Like in the joke about the new Russian, who called Christmas tree toys defective. Because they hung beautifully on the Christmas tree and did not, please him. When there is no uncertainty in achieving goals, ambitions gradually disappear. There are tribes of Indians who change their place of residence every two years. Thus, they give the soil a rest, and new locations require new skills and achievements from them to ensure their lives. They did not read books about self-development and did not undergo growth training. They noticed that there is a threat to development in the certainty and comfort zone. They realized that if a person does not learn to cope with difficulties, then he will break down at the first difficult situation, and such times will surely come in every person’s life.
Uncertainty is the beginning of everything new. A place where something happens. Your personal environment for new opportunities in which you grow and gain new experiences. If you do what you know, you don’t move forward. How can you get something new if you act in the old way? Everything new is a risk, and risk is the reverse side of new opportunities and changes. Don’t be afraid of uncertainty, it’s a part of life, and it won’t be any other way. Learn to enjoy uncertainty and notice that you will become happier. In short, you have no choice. Take the time to prepare to realize this and accept the uncertainty. You can wait for certainty and never start, constantly procrastinate and be afraid. Or you can take the first step and competently start moving forward, crushing the uncertainty. The main thing is to understand: while you are thinking, time is passing. It’s not waiting for you. Each of us has minus one day on the counter every day. It is in our best interests to solve it faster: stand still or do something, despite the uncertainty. I’m not saying it will be too late later. I say that you can start enjoying your life to the fullest earlier and do it longer.
Attitude