when I came in my journey back to the well where Rabbi Jonathan and I had discoursed together, then did my despair so weigh upon me that I could not so much as cry unto the Lord; for the Lord seemed as one that heard not; and even as I had made a circle in my journey that day, and was now come back to the same place whence I had set forth at the first, and all in vain, even so did I seem to have journeyed these many years in a circle of vain thoughts, searching and groping after God; and all for naught. “For,” said I, “I have gone from the Scribes of Galilee to the teaching of John the Prophet, and from John the Prophet to the wisdom of the Greeks, and from the wisdom of the Greeks to the teaching of Philo the Wise; and yet seem I no nearer to God than before, but even where I was at the first. And they which did profess to guide, have been unto me as no guides. Therefore the foundations of my life are broken up, and the rock of my trust is become as unstable as water. Whithersoever I look, I see no one to avenge, no one to deliver; for the ways of the world are crooked, and sin is stronger than righteousness.”
Then a Voice of the Lord spake unto me, and rebuked me in that, albeit I compassed sea and land in search of guides, and had made much of them which explain the Law and the Prophets, yet I had not given myself so zealously to the true guides of Israel, even the Prophets themselves, of whom John the son of Zachariah was one. Now they all with one consent prophesied of a day of Redemption, and of a Redeemer; and without a Redeemer their prophecies seemed maimed and void of fulfilment. Moreover John the son of Zachariah had prophesied that the Redeemer should come speedily, and that the rough places should be made smooth, and the crooked places straight; and Jonathan the son of Ezra had spoken as if the Redeemer were even now among us, yea in our own country of Galilee. So falling on my face before the Lord, I besought the Almighty (blessed is He) to make no long tarrying, but to have mercy upon me and either to take away my life, or else to send the Redeemer unto me, even me, and to grant me His salvation.
But as I arose, there came one behind me unperceived and touched my shoulder; and he said unto me, “Wherefore weepest thou?” I started at his voice, for there was a power in it; but I looked not up for weeping, but made answer and said, “Because of the yoke of the Law; for it is written ‘Whoso receiveth upon him the yoke of the Law, THEY remove from him the yoke of oppression and the yoke of the path of the world.’ But it is not so with me. For from a child I have settled my heart to study the Law, and to take upon me the yoke thereof, yet have I not attained to the knowledge thereof. But the yoke of the world and the yoke of the oppression of Israel weigheth heavily upon me.” Then he that spake said unto me, “Cast away the heavy yoke and take upon thee the light yoke.”2 So I looked up, marvelling at such words, and behold, it was not the face of a stranger, for I knew it; and yet again I knew it not, neither could I bring to mind the name of him that spake to me. But I saw strength in his countenance, and his face was as the morning-star in brightness; and I rejoiced with a great joy, for I knew that the Lord had sent unto me a teacher to guide my feet into the path of life. So I replied, “What yoke, O Master?” And he answered and said, “Take my yoke upon thee, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart.” When I heard that, I was speechless and as one astonied to hear such a saying, which seemed in part the words of a king, and in part the words of a child. But when speech came back to me, I said, “My heart is afflicted because of the wonder of the ways of the Lord, and because His paths are past finding out.” But he answered, “They that wonder shall reign, and they that reign shall rest.”3 Now I perceived not all the meaning of his words at the time; but thus much I did most clearly perceive, that here was one that could guide me through all wonderment and perplexity, even unto the haven of rest. But a sudden fear fell upon me that peace would depart from my soul, if my Master should depart; therefore with many entreaties I besought him to tarry that night at my mother’s house. So when he had consented we straightway went to the city. But, as we went, my mind still beat upon the thought that I had seen my Master’s countenance before; yet could I not call to mind the when and where.
But even as we entered into the house, behold, my mother was crying aloud, being tormented beyond measure by her disease: and when my Master heard it, he asked who cried thus, and I answered and told him concerning my mother’s condition. Then straightway he desired to go into the upper chamber where she lay; and having gone in, he looked steadfastly at her, and took her by the hand, and said, as one having authority, “Arise:” and immediately my mother arose and went about as one whole. Now it came to pass, that when he looked steadfastly at my mother, even in that instant I knew his face, that it was the face of the stranger that had looked after the like manner upon Raphael the son of Joazar, even the face of Jesus of Nazareth; and then also in that same instant it was borne to my mind that this was he of whom Jonathan had spoken, concerning whom John the son of Zachariah had prophesied, saying that he was the Messiah of Israel: and I marvelled that I had not known him before; but I perceived that, albeit the same, yet was he not the same; so great a glory and a brightness, as of power from heaven, now reigned in his countenance. All this, I say, I perceived even when he was gazing on my mother; but I durst not for my life speak to him then. But when my mother was made whole and arose from her bed, then straightway I fell down on my knees and bowed before him; and I spake also to my mother all the words of Jonathan the son of Ezra, how that John had affirmed my Master to be the Redeemer of Israel: and I believed, and my mother also, and all our household.
On the morrow, when I would fain have accompanied Jesus to Capernaum (for he was journeying thither), he suffered me not, but said that he must needs go to Capernaum alone; but I was to remain for nine days at Sepphoris with my mother, and on the tenth day I might go down to Capernaum. But he suffered me to go with him about twelve or thirteen furlongs out of the town, and there I was to bid him farewell.
He did not speak many words to me by the way; but what I noted especially in him (as being that wherein he differed from all my former teachers) was that he spake not according to rule, nor out of any books, nor traditions, but as it were out of himself. For he taught as one having authority. There was also yet another difference. For most of the Pharisees were wont to walk with their faces turned up to the sky, or else with their eyes half shut, repeating, as they went, certain passages of the Law, or prayers, or precepts of the Elders; and if they met women they would avoid them; and of children also they took no note, except it were to instruct them or question them in the Law and the Traditions; moreover they walked with a sour and austere countenance. But Jesus was in all respects different from these. For he looked on all things, and in all things seemed to see joy and gladness, taking note even of the smallest matters, such as the flowers of the field, and the birds of the air, and also of the trees, and the cornfields. Moreover, as often as we met women on the way, he saluted them courteously and shunned them not.
But most marvellous of all, in my judgment, was the manner of his dealing with children. For so it was, as I remember, that when we were passing by a hamlet, about six furlongs from Sepphoris, a little child ran out from the door of a house, even under the feet of our asses, insomuch that we had much ado to prevent the asses from trampling down the child. But when I rebuked the child somewhat vehemently, Jesus chid me; and presently, after we had ridden on awhile in silence, he turned to me and bade me always have respect unto little children; “For,” said he, “their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.” Then he added words still stranger and harder for me to understand, that “Except a man were born again and become as a little child, he could in no wise enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.”
But I returned, marvelling greatly at his words and pondering them in my mind. For I could in no wise perceive how we could redeem Israel and drive out the Tetrarch from Tiberias, and the Romans from Jerusalem, and set up the Kingdom of God, and all this by becoming as little children.
CHAPTER VII
When I drew nigh to Capernaum, it was about the eleventh hour; so I hasted that I might inquire where Jesus of Nazareth abode, before the sun went down: for it was the day before the Sabbath. But as I journeyed down the valley, called the Valley of the Doves, and came to the place where the road turneth round to the right, I could not forbear to draw rein for a while, so beautiful was the sight; and though I had seen it often-times before, yet never before, methought, had it seemed so beautiful as now.
On the tops of