On You,” where name, What Do I Get Paid to Do?, Hot Buttons, Successes: 1 Professional & 1 Personal, What I Do Best, and Goals: 1 Professional & 1 Personal are represented in the column heads."/>
Figure 2.1
Focus On You works one-on-one or in groups. You must do this in person, face to face, and you must always answer the questions yourself. The point of Focus On You is for everyone involved to learn a few things about everyone else.
Experiment: Conduct Focus On You
1. Conduct Focus On You with your current direct reports. Take notes on what they say.
2. Highlight in your notes everything new you learned about each person.
3. Conduct Focus On You with every new hire on your team within their first two days on the job. Remember that you must answer the questions, too.
4. After you have completed steps 1 through 3, answer this question: How has this made a difference?
Note: You can also do Focus On You with significant others or friends. Hal, a seminar participant and senior vice president for a large manufacturing company, did Focus On You with his family. He found out he was calling his daughter, Melissa, by the wrong name. She preferred Missy. Focus On You was only a small portion of the seminar he attended, but Hal insisted that outcome with his daughter, on its own, was worth every penny he paid for the seminar.
CHAPTER 3
GO AHEAD, GET CLOSE TO YOUR PEOPLE
Many managers are taught, “Do not get too close to your people. Be friendly with them, sure. But you need to know where to draw the line.” Sound familiar? Unfortunately, practicing this approach diminishes your ability to motivate and retain your top performers. Again, you have to choose your basic philosophy. Do you want to conduct your relationships so that it is easier to fire people or do you want to respond to people in ways that enhance retention?
What level of relationship should you have with your coworkers? Where should you draw the line? Our answer is: Do not place limits on the depth of your friendships with coworkers. The world is full of misguided thinking that passes for wisdom. People are taught not to get close with their coworkers or with their direct reports. Do not heed that advice.
Think about the reasons that people tell you not to get too close.
“Familiarity breeds contempt,” is one of the most commonly repeated reasons.
If that statement were true, the people who have the most contempt for you would be your closest friends and relatives!
Here is the next reason people advocate not getting too close to your employees:
“You may have to discipline that person.”
The fact that it is emotionally unpleasant to discipline someone you are close to is a good thing. You will first try to persuade them through conversation that they will be better off if they change their behavior. The closer your relationship, the more likely you can influence them to correct their behavior before you need to resort to disciplinary action. And if you do need to go there, these employees will see that it is painful for you. And that sends the right message.
Lesson
The closer your relationship is with someone, the easier it is to influence that person to change his or her behavior.
“But,” some will say, “if you are too close to that employee, you might avoid the discipline because you don't want to hurt their feelings or damage your relationship.”
That is a powerful point. Many managers fall into the trap of avoiding close relationships for exactly that reason. They do not reflect on the fact that it is your closest friends, the people who care most about you, who are willing to deliver difficult messages. Who tells you that you have bad breath? Not a stranger, usually. Why is that? Because the person who tells you knows that the interaction will be uncomfortable at best, and it might hurt your feelings. But someone who cares about you is willing to work through those uncomfortable feelings to help you. The stranger does not need the hassle.
If you are a parent, think about the times you have delivered difficult messages to your children – messages that possibly made them cry. Why did you do that? Because you enjoy hurting their feelings? Of course not. You did it because you wanted to help them be the best person they could be and you knew that they needed to hear what you had to say. You care so much about them that you are willing to work through the hurt feelings.
Lesson
The closer you are to someone and the more you care about them, the more willing you are to have difficult and unpleasant conversations. The other person will know that you have their best interests at heart.
Great managers do not let their relationships prevent them from doing their jobs, even when they must discipline their friends.
The Concierge
This is a story about Horst Schulze, legendary chief operating officer of The Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company. At one point, Horst was the general manager of a hotel that was hosting a major dog show. Dogs are not known for their discretion about where they poop. So he hired a number of temps whose job was to walk around the public spaces and scoop the poop.
He noticed one young man, Walt, who had a terrific personality. In addition to scooping the poop, Walt was smiling and cheerfully greeting passersby – just what you want hotel employees to do. Furthermore, he had taken the initiative to learn the names of the meeting rooms so that he could help people with directions.
After the temp job was over, Horst gave Walt a job and became his mentor. Over the years, Walt became an excellent hospitality professional, and they became friends as well. Wherever Horst went, Walt followed, steadily advancing in his career.
One day, the hotel security department caught Walt doing an illegal activity while on the job. Termination was the only option. Horst was devastated. He literally cried, but he did his job.
The employees in the hotel knew the facts. And they saw that Horst did not try to make an exception or cover up the incident to save his friend's job. People respected that.
Lesson
People do not lose respect for you because you become friends with some employees. They lose respect when you decide not to do your job as a manager.
Look at the next objection to forming close relationships:
“People will accuse me of having favorites.”
Here is reality: You have favorites now.
It is human nature. You have better chemistry with some employees than with others. And, by the way, your employees know very well who your favorites are. You might not treat these people differently in terms of rewards, shift preferences, rule enforcement, et cetera. But people know that you have favorites. So…
Lesson
Don't worry about having favorites because it is unavoidable. Just make sure that you give people rewards based on performance, not based on the relationship.
“But,” you may ask, “what are the benefits of forming close relationships with my employees? It is fraught with risk. Why should I take these risks?”
Imagine you have a very serious problem in your life, a problem in which you need someone to show up on your doorstep tomorrow morning. The deadline is nonnegotiable. They must show up tomorrow morning. Who would you call? Who would absolutely do this for you? Have a real person in mind before you read further.
You are probably thinking of someone with whom you have a close relationship. Your certainty that this person will show up to help is based entirely on your relationship.
Managers who are close to their people can ask for more effort and better results. They can ask people to hang in during difficult times. They can ask people to try a new process. They can ask for forgiveness when they have exercised poor judgment.