It’s Just a Date: A Guide to a Sane Dating Life. Greg Behrendt

truth is that how you present—that means what you look like, how you’re groomed, what you wear, how you smell, how you act and how you carry yourself—speaks volumes to those that we come in contact with. We know, we know … people shouldn’t be judged by the way they look but rather by what’s on the inside. You’re totally right and also totally in denial about how the world works.

      Like it or not, men are visually stimulated creatures. Do you really think that when a guy sees two women; one of them styled out and groomed and feeling great, the other not particularly caring about what she looks like, that he thinks that the un-styled one must have a great personality? NO! He thinks the styled out girl might be interesting and the other one doesn’t really care so why should he? It’s not about being pretty, it’s about telling the world that you care about yourself. There’s a million different ways to style out and make the effort; not everybody has to look like Agyness Deyn. And not looking like Agyness Deyn isn’t a good excuse to not care how you look.

      Here are a few things to keep in mind …

      FEELING PRETTY IS PRETTY

      If you know that plucking your eyebrows and shaving your legs make you feel prettier, then do it! If shaving your legs opens up your wardrobe to wearing skirts more often, then do it! Maybe you don’t wear make-up because it adds time to your morning routine but when you do wear mascara and lip gloss you look prettier, more noticeable and carry yourself with a little more sparkle. Men notice sparkle! So take the extra five minutes and then you won’t have to wait until you’re stuck in an elevator during a city-wide blackout for someone to take an interest in getting to know you.

      DON’T FORGET YOU’RE A WOMAN

      Men like you to look nice and smell good otherwise they don’t get to be distracted from their stupid problems when you walk by. They like to see your legs, catch a glimpse of your cleavage, watch you brush your hair away from your eyes and, most of all, they like to know that you know that you’re a sexual being. Any hint of sexuality or sensuality is golden with men.

      … BUT NOT A PROSTITUTE

      Men want to see your body BUT not too much of your body! Do you know what we’re talking about? There’s a difference between making an effort to style out with your appearance and dressing too sexy. Some outfits tell a guy “Hey, it’s cool to call me at 4 a.m.” and others say “You are going to have to work for it if you want to be a part of this spectacularness!” Yes, spectacularness is a new word.

       DATING ALERT!

      Dressing too sexy is a very real problem for a lot of women trying to attract someone that wants to date them. It’s a fine line between dressing provocatively and dressing too sexy. When you fall on the side of too sexy you attract guys that just want to get laid and think you’re the gal for the job. How can you tell if you’re being too sexy? Well, are you revealing all of your physical assets? Is there enough skin to shock your father? That may be too sexy. Unless you’re on stage performing at the Grammys, a burlesque show or in a Vegas chorus line, you needn’t give away the North and the South poles. We suggest you choose a sexy part to feature instead of showcasing them all. Do you know how much sexier you are if a guy has to imagine what might be under those clothes? If he can see it, he doesn’t have to imagine it, which means he’s not getting the opportunity to really think about you.

      IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT YOUR BODY

      Take a good look at your life. What does the state of your car say about you? Is it clean and orderly or can you write your name in the dirt and make a killing with the recycling in the back seat? What does your home look like? Is it cluttered, messy and reeking of old take-aways or is it clean, organized and an inviting space to be in? What does the top of your desk at work look like? The reason we ask you to look at these things and take an honest inventory about what state they’re in is because all of those things—your appearance, your home, your car, your dress, your office—all these things tell someone not only what your life looks like but who you think you are and whether or not you value and like yourself. That’s what people are going to base their opinions of you on, whether what you’re projecting is an accurate representation or not. If the guy of your dreams walked into your apartment would he be impressed to see the piles of stuff on every surface and seventy-five framed pictures of your ex-boyfriend? Would super-handsome bachelor #1 be turned on by your teddy bear collection and candyfloss pink sheets? Would your dreamboat delight in the idea of canoodling on a sofa covered in cat hair? How would it make you feel if you had a great date then he walked in to your home, took a look around and decided that he didn’t like your life? Everyone’s sofa tells a story. What’s your sofa saying? So with that said, what is it that you could be doing better? What is it that you need to change or work on?