wanted to know how Thomas felt.’
‘Well, he seems fine with it. Congratulations in advance,’ he said, patting me on the shoulder. ‘Come in, mate. Rach would love to hear.’
I chuckled to myself. I hadn’t even picked up the ring I’d been eying up – a single stone in a clasp that allowed you to see the diamond from all angles.
‘Sure. As long as I’m not interrupting.’
‘Of course not.’
Stepping into the house I had to take off my coat; the central heating was on high as Rachael always liked. Sean shut the door and gestured for me to walk to the kitchen. As I stepped into the kitchen Rachael stood back from her long embrace with our boy and Thomas walked to the fridge, opened it and buried his head in there to search out something to eat. He emerged with a Frube yogurt, held it in the air to wait for the nod to say he could have it before running into the living room where Sean had gone, no doubt to give me and Rachael a moment. I ruffled Thomas’s hair as he passed me. Once we were alone, I leant on the counter and smiled at Rachael. She looked tired. I knew her well enough to know what that meant.
‘Tough time at work?’
She laughed and lowered her head. ‘Am I that easy to read?’
I didn’t say anything but waited. Rachael wasn’t one to be pushed into talking. If she wanted to say, she’d say. If not, I’d not ask. A few seconds was usually the timeframe for us to either move on or discuss it further.
‘Just a patient of mine. Terminal. He blamed me for him dying today.’
‘He’s just …’
‘I know, I know, he’s angry. He’s afraid. I know he didn’t mean it. But it’s still hard to hear.’
‘I bet.’
‘I’m sure he will be calmer tomorrow. He’ll probably apologize and then we can focus on making sure his transition is as dignified as possible.’
‘I don’t know how you do it.’
‘Sometimes I don’t know either. Speaking of which; how is Katie’s dad?’
‘No change really.’
‘Is she okay?’
‘I think she’s coming to terms with it now. I guess that’s all anyone can do right?’
‘Yes. Anyway, Thomas has just told me. I hear congratulations are in order?’
I couldn’t help but laugh and feel embarrassed. I hadn’t planned it enough in my head for it to be said out loud. I needed to know what Thomas felt before I let myself go that far. She read my mind. She often did.
‘He’s clearly happy about it.’
‘It seems so.’
‘So, when?’
‘I haven’t worked that out yet, soon. Are you all right with this?’
‘Of course. I’m really happy, Daniel. You deserve someone lovely.’
Rachael stepped towards me and gave me a hug, warm and safe. A hug that had changed in context, but never affection.
‘Thanks, Rach. Are you all good though?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. Like I said, tomorrow is another day.’
‘It is indeed. Well, I’d better be off.’
‘I’ll see you out.’
Leaving the kitchen, Rachael followed. I leant into the living room where Thomas sat watching the start of Pixar’s Planes with Sean.
‘Bye, Sean.’
‘See you soon, Daniel. Congratulations again, you know, for when it happens.’
‘Thanks, mate. Bye, Thomas.’
‘Bye, Daddy,’ he said, unable to take his eyes off the screen.
‘Thomas, come and give your daddy a hug,’ said Rachael from the doorway.
‘Okay.’ He got up and wrapped himself in my arms. His hugs being the best part of any day.
‘I love you, little man.’
‘Love you too, Daddy.’
Putting on my coat I opened the door and turned back to Rachael, who crossed her arms as the cold air flooded in.
‘I mean it, Daniel. I’m really happy for you.’
‘Thanks, Rachael, it means a lot.’
‘She’s lovely. You two are really good together.’
‘Can I call later, to say goodnight to him?’
‘Of course you can. Are you two still coming on Sunday?’
‘Yep, we’re looking forward to it. Is there anything you want us to bring?’
‘A bottle of wine wouldn’t go amiss.’
‘That goes without saying.’
‘Then no, just you and Katie. Sean is doing dinner. God help us!’
‘I heard that!’ Sean shouted from the lounge, feigning hurt.
‘I’m in trouble now!’
‘Well, worst case, I’ll order us a takeaway.’
‘I heard that too, Dan! Have a little faith you two. I’m like Gordon Ramsay.’
‘I don’t doubt it,’ I shouted into the lounge.
‘Do you and Katie want to come over for about eight? If he hasn’t burnt the house down, of course,’ she said in a conspiring whisper, but still loud enough for Sean to call back that we were both so charming.
‘Eight sounds perfect. And not a word to Katie about … you know.’
‘Of course. When are you going to pop the question?’
‘Some time in the new year.’
‘I’m really happy for you, Dan.’
‘Thanks. See you Sunday,’ I said before calling out, ‘Bye, Sean. Bye, Thomas.
‘See you, mate.’
‘Bye, Daddy.’
I kissed Rachael on the cheek and walked back to my car, shielding my eyes as the setting sun blinded me and gave everything a soft orange glow. As I drove away, Thomas waving at me from the window, I let myself picture the moment I got down on one knee, imagining the look on Katie’s face. I couldn’t wait. 2018 was going to be a good year for us, for all of us. I could feel it.
Daniel
Stamford
31st December 2017, 7.44 p.m.
I sat on my bed fully dressed, waiting for Katie, aimlessly scrolling through the posts on my Facebook newsfeed and trying my best not to think about the dream that had startled me awake early this morning.
It was the same as usual. I was in a car. But I don’t know what kind, or where I was. It was dark. Bright lights of a large van or lorry blinded me, and then I was rolling over and over and over until I stopped upside down. Blood dripped from my head, pooling onto the sunroof. Someone was shouting. I tried to move but couldn’t; I was trapped. Panic began to bubble up in my throat as I fought against the constraints of the seatbelt. No matter how hard I tried to get out, I couldn’t. Just as I thought any hope of me getting out was gone, just as I had believed that I would die in the car, a hand reached in and dragged me out. I couldn’t see the person. They didn’t have a face, it was just a blur.
They