go without a fight. I’m probably single-handedly killing this club! The fans are just gonna love me.’
‘Okay, okay. Enough of the self-pity. And forget the fans.’ Ronnie sighed, sliding his arm back around her shoulders as they continued walking towards his car. ‘Maybe it is time to start thinking about what you want. For a change. And before you say anything, I still don’t think Jim Allen is good enough for you.’
‘But you are?’ She couldn’t help smiling as she said that, and Ronnie smiled back, squeezing her shoulders.
‘Yeah. Of course I am. Actually, I’m probably way too good for you.’
‘Cheeky sod,’ she laughed, playfully punching his arm.
He stopped as they reached his car, leaning back against it. ‘I’m serious, Amber. He really isn’t good enough for you. And I’m scared history is gonna repeat itself all over again.’
‘It won’t.’ She stuck her hands in her pockets, burying her chin into her scarf as the wind whipped up once more.
‘Because he told you that?’ Ronnie arched a sceptical eyebrow.
‘Because he told me that,’ she repeated. ‘Come on. Take me to Ryan’s and let’s get this over with.’
*
‘You think I knew about this?’ Ryan didn’t know what to feel. Everything from anger to upset to a searing pain was clashing together inside him, making his head spin.
‘She hasn’t told you?’
‘Do you think I’d be reacting like this if she’d told me, Max?’
Max sat down on the arm of a nearby chair, pushing a hand through his hair. ‘Jesus… I’m sorry, Ryan. I thought you knew. I just wanted to see how you were doing before the press conference makes it all official.’
‘It’s all happening today?’ He didn’t know what to do. He seriously didn’t know what to do.
‘Red Star have called a press conference for 5pm, at Tynebridge…’
‘I’m going down there,’ he said, grabbing his jacket from the back of the couch.
‘Hey, hey, calm down. Ryan, calm down!’ Max stood up, grabbing his arm. ‘You’re not going anywhere. Now, I’m sorry you had to hear it like this, but she hasn’t exactly been open with me, either. I only heard about it an hour ago.’
‘You’re not the father of her child, Max. A child she is planning to take all the way down to London, away from me, to be brought up by Jim fucking Allen! Jesus Christ, I can’t believe this…’
‘She was talking about moving down to London anyway, Ryan, so this can’t have come as a complete surprise.’
‘She didn’t say anything about shacking back up with him, though, did she?’
‘But even you said that was on the cards, kiddo.’
‘I didn’t think… I… They’ve planned a whole new life together in a matter of weeks, Max. With my son!’
‘Okay. Okay, I understand how much…’
‘You understand nothing. Nothing. I loved her. I loved her so fucking much, and I thought… I thought that when Rico was born… I thought he’d bring us closer.’ He was pacing the floor now, pushing a hand through his hair, backwards and forwards in an almost nervous action.
‘You always knew he was never going to go away, Ryan.’
He stopped pacing for a second and swung around to look at his agent. ‘But maybe I always hoped he would. Somehow. Jesus!’ He slammed himself back against the wall, resuming the repetitive motion of raking his hand through his hair, stopping only when the doorbell echoed through from the hall. He looked out of the window, catching sight of Ronnie’s burnt-orange 4x4 on the driveway. ‘That’s her.’
Max held up his hand, a silent order for Ryan to stay exactly where he was. ‘I’ll get it. And Ryan? Don’t blow this, okay? Don’t start acting like a petulant kid who thinks the world owes him a living.’
‘She’s taking my child away, Max.’
‘She’s doing what she needs to do to be happy. And you’re just going to have to deal with that. I’ll call you later.’
Ryan watched Max walk out into the hall; he heard the front door open and muffled voices before she finally appeared in the doorway. She looked as though she’d been crying, and her dark-red hair was all mussed up and windswept. She was beautiful, and to look at her broke his heart more than he cared to admit.
‘I’m sorry, Ryan. I should have told you sooner. I should have told you before now.’
‘Yeah. You should have.’
She looked down for a second, digging her hands deeper into the pockets of her cream coat. ‘It’s all happened so fast…’
‘No, it hasn’t, Amber. It hasn’t. Because it never stopped happening. You and Jim Allen, you never stopped being together, even when you were apart.’
‘You don’t know…’
‘I know it all, Amber. I know you never really loved me; I know I was always just some kind of buffer between you and him, someone to run to when he was treating you like crap. I know that’s all I ever was to you.’
‘That’s not true.’
He looked at her, her eyes shining with fresh tears, and yet still all he could feel was love. He wanted to hate her for what she was doing, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t hate her. ‘Just admit it, Amber. Please. No more pretending, okay?’
She leaned back against the doorpost, pushing a hand through her hair as she stared up at the ceiling for a couple of beats. ‘Why does everything always end up so complicated?’
He wasn’t even sure she was directing that question at him. She wasn’t really directing it at anyone, she was just thinking out loud, or that’s what it seemed like.
‘When are you going?’ he asked, his voice calmer now. That anger he wanted to feel just wouldn’t come.
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘Jim’s last match in charge is New Year’s Day. He wanted to finish on a home game.’
‘That’s big of him.’
Amber threw Ryan a look, telling him his sarcasm wasn’t something she appreciated. Tough. He didn’t appreciate her taking his son hundreds of miles away, but he wasn’t being given much choice in the matter.
‘I wanted to leave sooner,’ she whispered, her eyes staring down at her black ankle boots.
‘That desperate to get away from me, huh?’
Her head shot up and she glared at him. ‘Grow up, Ryan.’
‘What do you expect, Amber? Did you think I’d be happy for you? Really? Did you think I’d be jumping for joy at the thought of my son – my son – being brought up by a man who has basically taken from me the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with?’ He walked over to her. His head was all over the place, and that anger he’d wanted to feel earlier was now creeping in, spreading slowly. ‘And now he’s not only taking you away from me, he’s taking my son, too. So I can’t be happy, okay? I can’t do that.’
Her eyes locked onto his, and all that guilt she knew she deserved to feel flooded through her, like someone had just opened a floodgate somewhere inside her. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I can’t… I need him, Ryan. I need him.’
‘Like shit you do, Amber. You don’t need anyone. The Amber Sullivan I first met, where’s she gone, huh? Where’s she gone? Because she wouldn’t