‘You’re certainly acting like a petulant child,’ Ellen said, turning her back on him as she walked away.
Ryan reached out and grabbed her by the waist, swinging her back around to face him, pulling her against him and kissing her so hard and so quickly she almost forgot to breathe. ‘Is that what you wanted, huh?’ he sneered, keeping a tight grip on her. ‘Is that what you came for?’
Ellen didn’t struggle to free herself. She stayed right where she was, smiling as she gently stroked his face, letting her fingers run over his chin, which was rough with heavy stubble. ‘I care about you, Ryan. More than I’ve ever cared about anyone. And the way you’ve been treated by Amber, it’s wrong.’
‘I loved her, Ellen. I still do love her.’
‘But you’re wasting your time, baby, don’t you see? Because she will never love you back. Not the same way you love her. She isn’t capable of doing that.’
‘How do you know what she’s capable of?’
‘Because I see the way she looks at Jim Allen. The way he looks at her. And anyone else just doesn’t matter. They’re two selfish people who deserve each other.’
‘And what does that make you, huh? I mean, here you are, with me, when you’ve got a boyfriend at home who has no idea his girlfriend is after another man.’
Ellen laughed quietly, taking a small step back, but not far enough away to be out of his arms. ‘Is that what you think? That I’m after you?’
‘Aren’t you?’
‘I think you deserve someone who really cares about you.’
‘And that’s you, is it?’
‘You could do a lot worse.’ She moved a little bit closer, sliding a hand around the back of his neck. ‘You could do a lot worse.’
He pressed his hand harder into the small of her back, pushing her against him, kissing her again, only slower this time. And she responded with the tiniest of moans, her fingers burying themselves in his hair as the kiss became deeper, longer.
‘We shouldn’t be doing this,’ Ryan whispered, even though every inch of him was crying out for something to take his mind off Amber. And if Ellen was quite happy to sleep with him, the way he felt right now he was more than up for it. Or he would be, if he could just get rid of that last, lingering feeling of guilt. What the hell was wrong with him? The old Ryan Fisher wouldn’t have hesitated for even a second over this decision. ‘We shouldn’t…’
She put a finger to his lips, shaking her head. ‘We shouldn’t, what? Follow our hearts?’
Was he really following his heart? Because this wasn’t exactly the direction he wanted it to go in. Not really.
‘Come on, Ryan. What happened to that hot, sexy player I used to know? The one who wouldn’t think twice about making his move, especially if someone’s holding it right there on a plate for him.’
That person felt like a lifetime ago for Ryan. ‘Have you got no self-respect?’
Ellen smiled, slipping a hand up under her dress and wriggling out of her knickers. ‘Just fuck me, Ryan.’
And who was he to argue?
*
‘I really do have to get back to Newcastle,’ Jim groaned as Amber slid back into bed beside him. ‘But when a beautiful, naked woman is lying right beside me, what am I supposed to do?’
‘Have some willpower?’
He laughed, pulling her against him, kissing her slowly. She tasted of mint and toothpaste, and a life he wanted. ‘I’m done with willpower. Maybe I want to give reckless and spontaneous a go.’
‘You’re the least spontaneous person I know, Jim.’
‘Yeah, well, times are changing, baby.’
She smiled, closing her eyes as his mouth lowered down onto hers again, and she held onto him tightly because she was truly scared to let him go. All the pain and the hurt of the past year wasn’t forgotten; it was still there, and she still felt it all with a fresh reality every time she looked at him. Even now, as they made plans for a brand-new future and the life they’d tried to make together for so long, she still felt that fear that she’d lose him again. She probably always would. She’d just have to learn to fight harder, that was all. To make sure she didn’t lose her grip quite so easily this time. To make sure she never gave him a reason to doubt them ever again.
‘So, we’re gonna do it, then?’ he asked, his forehead resting against hers, his thumb lightly stroking her cheek.
She nodded, laying her hand over his, their eyes locking, her stomach turning over and over with a mixture of nerves, fear and excitement. ‘Yeah. We’re gonna do it.’
He smiled, that wonderful, beautiful smile of his which lit up his face and made her fall in love with him a hundred times over. ‘Okay. I’ll call Gavin Kilpatrick at Endleigh this morning, and get the ball rolling. Then I’d better go and talk to the board at Newcastle Red Star. It won’t be pleasant, but it’s gone way past being just about football now. This is what I need to do. What we need to do.’
Amber felt her stomach flip over again as the reality of what they were doing hit home for her. This was really happening now. Her life was about to change all over again. But it wouldn’t just be her life that was changing; Ryan’s was going to change, too. Because, no matter how much Jim tried to tell her she wasn’t taking Rico away from him, she was. That was exactly what she was doing. Hundreds of miles would soon separate father and son, instead of the few that kept them apart now. Dropping in at any time to see his baby would cease to be something he could do, and Amber felt that guilt hit her head-on.
‘He has no say in this, Amber.’ It was almost as if Jim had read her mind.
‘Doesn’t he? Rico is his son, Jim.’
‘And nobody will ever stop him from seeing him. Nobody.’
Amber sighed, turning over onto her back, flinging one arm up above her head. ‘Nothing is ever simple, is it?’
‘Life would be pretty boring if it was.’
She closed her eyes again, as though blocking out everything she was going to have to deal with would just go away if there was nothing but blackness in front of her.
‘You do realise that you’re also taking on my child, and not just me, don’t you?’ she whispered, aware that his fingers were trailing lightly up her legs now, his breath warm on her cheek as he kissed her neck. ‘And you do realise that Rico comes first now. I love you, Jim, but you ceased to be the most important man in my life the second I gave birth to that little boy.’
He stopped what he was doing and Amber opened her eyes.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘What was it like? Giving birth, I mean.’
‘Painful. Next question.’
‘Was Ryan there? Was he with you, when it happened?’
‘Only just… look, do we have to talk about this? I don’t really want to…’
‘Did he see his son come into the world, Amber?’
‘Did you see yours? Were you there when Brandon was born?’
‘You know I wasn’t. And that was a completely different situation. There were no feelings involved, I didn’t love his mom…’
‘But you love your boy.’
‘You’re changing the subject, Amber.’
She reached up and gently touched his cheek, stroking his skin, her eyes staring deep into his. ‘This has nothing