Lost Angel. Kitty Neale

blinking well had me. I’m a married woman – married to a man! I don’t fancy women and you know that!’

      ‘Of course I know and I was stupid, mad, to hope. Honestly, it was just a moment of madness, that’s all. If you stay I promise it’ll never happen again.’

      ‘Too bloody right it won’t. The sooner I get out of here the better.’

      Gertie seemed to deflate before Hilda’s eyes, her tone desolate when she spoke. ‘All right, I understand, but don’t leave like this. Can’t we at least part as friends?’

      Ellen came running out of the back door, white-faced and calling, ‘Mum, what’s wrong? Why are you fighting? Why did you stamp on Gertie’s foot?’

      Hilda drew in a deep breath, fighting for composure. ‘We’re not fighting. It’s just a bit of a misunderstanding, that’s all.’

      Ellen didn’t look convinced, but then Gertie knelt down and beckoned her over. ‘It was my fault, Ellen. I wasn’t very nice, so no wonder your mother stamped on my foot.’

      ‘Does it hurt?’

      Gertie’s laugh sounded forced as she said ruefully, ‘Yes, a bit, but I forgive her and I hope she forgives me. Don’t worry, we’re friends again now. Isn’t that right, Hilda?’

      Hilda paused before answering, yet saw the concern in her daughter’s eyes and knew she’d have to go along with it. ‘Yes, but come on, Ellen, we’ve still got packing to do.’

      ‘What about Socks? We can’t leave Socks.’

      ‘Sod it, I forgot about the cat. With our luggage, I don’t know how we’re going to manage him too.’

      ‘Don’t worry,’ said Gertie. ‘I’ve got a basket somewhere and he’ll be fine in that. You won’t have to walk. I’ll take you to the station.’

      Hilda knew that Ellen would kick up a fuss if they left without the cat so it wasn’t practical to refuse the offer. Her thanks were begrudging as she urged Ellen inside and she dreaded the long ride to town. At least Ellen would be with them so they wouldn’t be alone, but if Gertie laid another finger on her, bigger in stature or not, she’d flatten the unnatural cow.

      With a spurt of energy, Hilda threw their things into the cases. She had used every excuse in her mind to return to London: the need for her own home, to find some sort of work that would help the war effort, along with Ellen’s education. Mabel said it was safe, so she’d chosen to ignore Gertie’s warnings of more air raids. Now, after what had just happened, she no longer had to find excuses to leave – her conscience was at last clear.

      

      Gertie reluctantly harnessed the horse, her emotions in turmoil as they set off. Hilda wouldn’t look her in the eye, her expression implacable as they left the smallholding. She cursed her own lack of control. If she’d kept her hands to herself, maybe Hilda wouldn’t be so intent on leaving, yet, even as this thought crossed her mind, Gertie knew that it wouldn’t have made any difference. Hilda hated it in Somerset, and though living with her for well over two years, she’d never adapted to country life.

      Sadly, Gertie glanced at Ellen and saw she was close to tears. Ellen had come to Somerset a pale, stammering, nervous wreck, but now she had blossomed, glowed with health and had been a pleasure to teach.

      ‘Ellen, did you pack your books?’

      ‘I wanted to, but Mum said they’d make my case too heavy. Will … will you look after them for me?’

      ‘I’ll do my best, but as I too might be leaving, perhaps I should parcel up our favourites and post them to you.’

      Hilda’s head shot around. ‘Leaving! What do you mean? I hope you’re not going to follow me back to London.’

      ‘No, Hilda, but I feel it’s time for me to wake up, join the world again. I’m thinking about enlisting in one of the armed forces.’

      ‘Yeah, well, the uniform would suit you,’ Hilda said derisively. ‘Mind you, I’m not sure that as a woman, you’d be allowed to wear trousers.’

      ‘Hilda, don’t be like this. I’d kept away from you for years, and you seem to be forgetting that it was you who asked to stay with me. I wasn’t sure how I’d cope, but knowing you were in danger, how could I refuse?’

      ‘I asked to stay with you because I saw you as a sister. I trusted you!’

      ‘I know, and I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened, wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been in such a state. I just couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving and lost control.’

      ‘That’s enough! Ellen shouldn’t be hearing any of this. All I’ll say is that you shouldn’t have tried it on, and now just shut up about it.’

      ‘What did you try on, Gertie? Was it one of Mummy’s dresses?’

      Gertie floundered for a moment, but then said, ‘Yes, my dear, I’m afraid I did try on your mother’s best dress and she wasn’t very happy about it.’

      ‘Why? Did you tear it?’

      ‘Well, darling, look at the size of me compared to your mother.’

      Ellen giggled, and it was followed by a chuckle from Hilda before she said, ‘I suppose in a way I should be flattered, but I wasn’t, Gertie. I was just disgusted and in future, don’t you dare do that again.’

      ‘Don’t worry, I won’t. Your friendship means too much to me and I won’t risk losing it. We are still friends, aren’t we?’

      ‘I suppose so, but only friends and no more.’

      ‘I’m happy with that,’ Gertie assured her. She’d been mad to want more – mad to expect that Hilda would feel the same, and though Gertie doubted her feelings would ever change, at least she had the compensation of Hilda’s continued friendship.

      ‘Are you really going to join up?’

      ‘Yes, I think so.’

      ‘Will you sell the smallholding?’

      ‘It wouldn’t be practical to keep it. Unattended it would just go to rack and ruin and I have to think about the animals too.’

      ‘What about Bertie?’ asked Ellen.

      ‘I’ll have to find a new home for him.’

      ‘And Wilfred?’

      ‘Him too.’

      ‘Mum, can we have Bertie?’ Ellen appealed.

      ‘We can’t, love. We’ve already got Socks.’

      ‘Socks won’t mind. He likes Bertie.’

      ‘I’m not sure the landlord will allow one pet, let alone two. As it is, if we get the flat, we may have to sneak the cat in.’

      ‘But, Mum …’

      ‘That’s enough,’ Hilda snapped, her patience obviously wearing thin and her mood changing again.

      ‘Your mother’s right, Ellen, and anyway, I doubt Bertie would be happy living in London. Don’t worry, I’ll find him a good home locally,’ Gertie assured her as they neared the village. ‘Hilda, if you want to catch the train, we won’t be able to stop. If we do it’ll mean getting a later one.’