Eddie’s expression changed again, the smile once more disappearing from his face, his eyes clouding over. ‘No, you can’t.’ But then, as quickly as if someone had just flicked a switch, the smile was back. The sadness in his eyes gone. ‘You said you worked in a tattoo studio…’ It was as if he’d sensed a change of subject was needed. He wasn’t wrong.
‘Yeah. Finn’s – my brother’s – tattoo studio. One of those major life changes, you know? I used to work in the theatre, now I’m training to become a tattoo artist.’
‘You’ve got some beautiful ink there yourself. Your brother do that?’
I nodded. ‘They’re all part of the new me.’
‘And what about the old one?’
My gaze dropped once more, focusing on my biker boots, the road, anything but him. ‘I’m moving on, Eddie.’
I felt him take my hand and I looked up at him, the feeling of his fingers sliding between mine was comforting. ‘Hey, I’m all about the here and now, baby. The past, it should stay where it belongs. You let it back in, it’s only gonna drag you down, believe me.’
‘How can you be so perfect?’ I smiled, my fingers lightly touching his slightly open mouth.
He laughed, that low-down dirty laugh that made my thighs ache for him. ‘I’m anything but perfect, darlin’.’
I cupped his face in my hands, kissing him slowly, enjoying the taste of him; that taste of beer and cigarettes, his mouth opening as his arms fell loosely around my waist. ‘Well, perfect can be boring,’ I whispered.
‘And boring is one thing I’m not, sweetheart.’
Oh, God, he was making me feel like that infatuated teenager I was trying not to be, but it was hard not to get caught up in the fantasy of this situation. Because the reality was still something I was struggling to get my head around.
‘So, you’ve definitely made your mind up, then?’ Eddie asked, letting his hands fall a little lower, his fingers sliding down the back of my jeans. ‘About staying here, in Vegas?’
It was still the craziest idea; the kind of thing that didn’t happen in real life, not to people like me, anyway. People like me didn’t just up and leave everything behind to stay with a person they’d only just met, in a strange country, just because the sex was great. No, the sex was mindblowing! But this was so much more than sex. I knew that. I could feel it.
‘Oh, I’m staying, biker boy. So you better get ready for a wild ride of your own.’
‘You’re joking, right?’ Finn folded his arms as he leant back against the wall, watching as I brushed mascara over my lashes. I hadn’t expected him to take the news well, and he wasn’t. He wasn’t really taking it at all.
‘Finn, I’m too bloody exhausted to joke about anything.’
‘So, let me get this straight. The reason why none of us have seen you since yesterday afternoon is because you’ve been spending all your time with a Scottish biker called Eddie who owns a motorcycle shop and lives here, in Vegas.’
‘That’s about the size of it, yes.’
‘And tonight, you’re going out with him again?’
‘You’ve been listening, then?’
‘Yeah, I have, and all of that – all of that is fine. It’s what I wanted you to do, start having some fun. Have as much of that as you can, kiddo. But… staying here, staying with him…? Staying in America? What the hell is that all about?’
I swung around on my stool. ‘I need distance, okay?’
Finn’s expression was, of course, confused. I couldn’t really expect him to feel any other way. ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’
‘He’s still there, Finn.’
‘Who is? Jesus, Lana, you’re not making any sense here.’
No. I wasn’t. Because all of this had come from nowhere. I hadn’t even been aware it was what I’d been feeling until I’d said the words. ‘Adam.’
‘Adam? Why the hell is Adam on your mind all of a sudden?’
I looked down at my hands, which I’d balled up into fists without even realising, my nails digging into my palms. So why wasn’t I feeling any pain? ‘He’s not on my mind “all of a sudden”, Finn. He’s always been there. And what with the divorce and everything…’
Finn came over to me, crouching down in front of me, taking one of my hands and unfurling my fingers. ‘Why didn’t you talk to me, hmm? I thought you and Adam…’
‘We are. We’re over. Of course we are. But it doesn’t mean I can just push him to the back of my mind and forget about everything, just like that. We were together almost twenty years.’
‘But you weren’t happy, Lana.’
‘I wasn’t happy, not all the time. But he wasn’t a bad person, Finn. He just wasn’t the right person. For me. And I just wish I’d faced up to that sooner.’
‘Okay. But, that’s why you left him, isn’t it? Because he wasn’t the right person for you? You finally found the strength to make that decision, to move on. And that takes guts, kiddo.’
I pulled my hand away from his and turned to look back in the mirror, saying nothing.
Finn sat down on the arm of the couch. ‘I’m more confused than ever now. Lana, I… Are you telling me that you’re gonna up and leave the new life you’ve made for yourself back home and… You’re actually gonna stay with this guy? Just like that? Because you do realise how crazy that sounds, don’t you? And you’re gonna do that because, what? You think you need distance between you and your ex-husband? The same ex-husband you haven’t seen for months? And it doesn’t seem to have bothered you being in the same postcode as him since the split. The risk of you running into him, of seeing him, I wasn’t aware it was a problem.’
‘It isn’t.’
‘Then all of this is crazy.’
‘You’re making it sound crazy, Finn.’
‘No. It is crazy, Lana. It’s off-the-page crazy. It’s ridiculous. You’ve known this guy for all of a day, had one night out with him, fucked him a few times, and in your eyes that constitutes a good enough reason to ride off into the sunset on some ridiculous notion that you could actually have a life with this man?’
I swung round again, surprised by how calm I actually felt, considering everything Finn was saying made more sense than anything I was doing right now. ‘Nobody’s talking about making a life with anyone, Finn. This isn’t some kind of fairytale happy-ever-after. I’m not that naïve?’ Or was I?
He just raised an eyebrow, but thankfully kept his mouth shut.
‘It’s just… This past year, it’s been exhausting. And strange. And amazing, and…and I’m still trying to get my head around it all. And you… you are my rock, Finn. I am so glad I found you again, had the chance to get close to you again and you’re not just my brother, okay? You’re my best friend –you know? The one I will always turn to because you are so important to me now. I love you so much, I really do…’
‘And I love you too, beautiful. You walked back into my life as this woman who wanted to change her entire world, and you’d started to do that in a matter of days, Lana. Because you are stronger than you think you are. Than you ever thought you were. But this… this is just crazy. And as somebody who loves you, I’m not sure I can stand by and watch you make a mistake like this.’
I shook my head, getting up and walking over to him. ‘You can’t stop me.’
He