before she left you, as that’s not your style. You’re a gentleman, Harrison.’
Now Harrison is studying my face intently and I can see he’s suddenly nervous for some reason.
‘Maybe.’ He puts a half-eaten slice of bread back onto his plate, wiping his fingers on a napkin as he looks directly at me.
Why is he being cautious now when he’s already told me about his ex and that didn’t seem to faze him at all?
‘I’m a good listener if there’s something you want to share.’
I can feel the turmoil which is now so visible in his eyes as he takes a gulp of his wine. He replaces the glass on the table, twisting the stem idly with his fingers and watching the pale, yellow liquid swirl around inside of it.
‘Funnily enough, we met on a cruise, a little over six months ago. Ollie is good looking, intelligent and great company. The attraction was instant and it rocked me to the core.’
Ah. Now I understand. By the look on his face I think that it’s still something he’s grappling with and that saddens me.
‘You haven’t come out then, I mean, officially?’ I’m surprised that a confident person like Harrison should feel the need to hide anything at all from the world at large. It’s who he is and that isn’t something of which to feel afraid.
‘It’s about hurting the people you love. Mainly my parents, I suppose. My ex isn’t sure about what’s going on because you’re right, I couldn’t have been unfaithful to her. But I couldn’t deny my feelings either and I guess I wasn’t really sure, myself, until I met Ollie. None of my work colleagues are aware because I keep my private life quiet.’
‘But you are going to embrace it, now?’
‘It’s not just a case of building up the courage to say the words but I will be crossing a line and unable to turn back. Even though I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life before, I don’t know if I have the courage to carry through my convictions. I hate myself for that.’
‘Pass me your phone.’ Harrison looks at me quizzically but places his phone in my outstretched hand. I add my number to his contact list.
‘There you go. If you need to talk then I’m only a phone call away. You must be true to yourself and to Ollie, Harrison, because you are a good man. You deserve a happy life. Don’t put this off any longer. When you return I want you to text me and let me know when it’s done.’
Harrison nods, placing his phone back down on the table.
‘Ollie is a decent guy and he understands that we all have to make the journey in our own way and at our own pace. He knows he’s the one for me and we both knew that right from the start. But for me, it’s a lot to get my head around, I will admit.’
I sigh. ‘That’s a beautiful thing to say, Harrison. I’d hoped Antonio was the one for me but unfortunately the man I fell in love with didn’t really exist. Good looks and charm were merely a smokescreen. But, I can understand exactly where you are coming from and it’s wonderful when it turns out to be the real thing.’
Harrison’s eyes crinkle up in a laugh.
‘Ollie was jealous, when I told him about our little trip around Monaco but I explained that he had nothing at all to worry about. You’re one of the good ones, Leah. He couldn’t get time off work and so it’s yet another solo trip for me.’ Finally, Harrison is looking more relaxed and, I think, relieved. Like he was testing the water and not sure what my reaction might be. I wonder if I’m the first person he’s actually told?
‘Oh no, poor guy. You were right when you said you’re safe with me anyway, because I’m really, really, out of practice at the flirting thing. Even if you had been looking for a little romantic interlude. You have a generous heart, though, Harrison, and I think Ollie is a very lucky guy. You saw that I was struggling a little to find my feet on this trip and your kindness has really been appreciated.’ Sometimes the people you decide you want in your life just happen to appear; you instantly know they will make you feel good whenever they are around. Harrison is one of those people.
‘And I had no idea someone new was going to come into my life and give me the push I needed. I know that I would never feel complete without Ollie by my side, but it’s great to finally admit that to someone other than him. Thank you.’
Our eyes meet and suddenly the waitress is back, looking hesitant to interrupt. We burst out laughing – we are having a moment, but it’s not the one she’s assuming.
Harrison indicates that we’ve finished and she hurries away with our plates. He immediately lifts his glass in a toast.
‘To new friends.’ His voice is playful but his look says something else. He’s grateful, I think, to have finally heard himself say it out loud. ‘Isn’t it funny how you can meet a total stranger and yet immediately feel comfortable with them? Enough to say the things you usually keep hidden away.’
I look directly at him. ‘When will you take that big step forward with your parents?’
He shakes his head. ‘I’m thinking soon, now. Anyway, I can’t put it off for much longer because if I don’t commit then Ollie will think my heart isn’t really in it. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. I simply need to get up the courage to do the deed.’
I can see by the look in his eyes that he cares too much about this guy to risk losing him.
‘And for you? Is there no chance at all for you with Antonio?’
Swallowing the last of my wine, I savour the sweet, yet mellow, notes.
‘None at all. Antonio deserted Rosie and me; he left us with nothing except a mountain of debt. I can never forgive him for that because it’s taken seven years to be rid of the financial worries. But now, at least, I’m free of that.’
He raises his eyebrows. ‘But are you free enough of the past to really move on?’
I shrug my shoulders. ‘That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it?’
I’m not ready to talk more about Antonio yet and Harrison can sense that, so he rather diplomatically changes the subject.
‘I don’t know about you, Leah, but I’m going to have to take a nap before I’m ready to tackle tonight’s agenda. Where would you like to eat this evening? Formal, informal … before the show, or after the show?’
Harrison has been so kind and accommodating that I feel the dinner choice should be in his hands.
‘I’m easy. It’s up to you.’
‘The Outdoor Grill by the pool it is, then. I’m in the mood for a big steak and plenty of French fries to set us up for the long night ahead.’
‘Mm, lovely.’
‘Right, let’s go find a taxi and maybe rendezvous at seven, at The Grill? That will give us plenty of time before we head off to the theatre for A Night at the Movies.’
‘Sounds perfect to me. What sort of show is it?’
‘An evening of celebration of some of the biggest hit songs associated with movies. It should be quite nostalgic, by the sound of it. Maybe afterwards we could head for the dancefloor.’
I grimace. ‘Maybe. Or maybe not.’
~
Rosie is having trouble with a homework assignment and I spend the best part of an hour on the phone to her, trying to help her decide how to approach it. The task is to learn a new skill and then write a detailed account about what was involved in the learning process. After throwing out what felt like a couple of dozen ideas, we seem to be going around and around in circles. It’s all ‘I don’t fancy that,’ or ‘It will take too long’ and I think the problem is more that she’s missing me and just doesn’t want to finish our conversation.
Eventually