easily. Not tonight.
As she collected the bottles and put them in her recycling container, she thought of Nathan, and then her granddad. One man was making her body tingle, making her wish she’d never been so snappy with him earlier in the day, and the other...he was making her worry. Worry about losing the last thing in her life that truly meant something to her. She’d grown up without her dad, but Jock had been the only male role model she’d ever needed. Her mom had been amazing one moment and downbeat the next, and she tried so hard not to think about her sometimes, because it only brought back memories of losing her. Of what had happened. How traumatic her death had been.
Jessica pushed the thoughts away and left the kitchen, deciding to finish cleaning up in the morning, and headed for the stairs. She looked up, ready to collapse into bed when a sliver of light caught her eye. She’d left the light on in the office by mistake, but she took it as a sign.
Jessica looked up the stairs one last time, groaned then padded barefoot to the office, stretching her back as she walked. She might be tired, but she was also on the cusp of losing the farm. She had the rest of her life to sleep and only a short time to save what she loved. She just had to remember to make time for her exercises, because if she let her back seize up and not heal, she’d become too stiff to ever get back in the saddle again. And a life without riding would be a life not worth living.
JESSICA GRIMACED AS SHE stretched her body out, holding the yoga pose even though it was killing her. She pushed out a big breath then inhaled again as she slowly released, before forcing her body to comply again. What she needed was a hot yoga class to go to, but she doubted there was anything local—she’d have to travel at least an hour and she didn’t have the time. Same with acupuncture—she would have loved a session, but she wasn’t keen on letting just anyone stick needles into her.
“That looks painful.”
She froze, shutting her eyes for a second. Nathan. She hadn’t expected him to be about so early, let alone to be dropping in to see her. When she relaxed out of her pose and opened her eyes, she looked up at him and saw that he was dressed in workout gear, too.
“Painful would be an understatement,” she replied, slowly stretching out and standing. “But if I ever want my old body back, I’m prepared to deal with the consequences.”
His low laugh made her smile. “That’s how I felt when I started back running. It’s been ten years since I pounded the pavements around London, and I’m finally getting fit again.”
“Another perk of quitting your job?” she asked, reaching for her water and taking a long sip.
“Something like that.”
They stood and stared at one another for a moment, until Jessica put down her bottle. There was something awkward about having Nathan so close, about him staying on the property—awkward but nice at the same time. And she could tell that even though he was friendly, that he wanted to be around her, too, he was finding the whole thing as awkward as she was.
“I’d ask you in for breakfast but I don’t really have anything to offer.” It was the truth—some bread in the freezer was all she had to eat, which meant she was going to have to do a trip to the supermarket if she didn’t want to starve. “You could join me for yoga, but that’s about as good as it gets.”
Nathan stared at her as if he was deep in thought before he said anything. “How about you give me five minutes for a shower and come over to the cottage? I’m on a serious health kick right now, so my refrigerator is jam-packed with food.”
She glanced down at her workout gear and touched her ponytail, running her fingers through it. It was a beautiful morning: the sun was already shining bright across the lawn and filtering onto the porch, and there was nothing she’d rather do than sit with Nathan and eat something other than toast. If she could shower first, that was—it had been a long night and she felt terrible.
“Give me half an hour,” she said, smiling at him. “Breakfast would be lovely.”
As he turned to walk away, she called out to him. “Hey, if you’re on a health kick, how did we end up eating greasy noodles and spring rolls last night?”
The grin he gave her made her wish she didn’t have so much other crap going on that she had to deal with. That she could just enjoy flirting with a handsome guy instead of stressing about every other aspect of her life. Although given what she was going through, maybe he was the perfect distraction.
“I’m allowed the odd treat day,” he told her. “And besides, you looked like you needed comfort food.”
She rolled up her yoga mat instead of staring after him as he disappeared, but she couldn’t wipe the smile from her face. A morning of not dealing with reality wasn’t going to kill her, and besides, she was starving. Now she just had to move at lightening speed to shower and get ready.
* * *
After what felt like the fastest half hour of her life, Jessica wandered across the grass toward the cottage, trying not to hurry and telling herself he wasn’t going to notice if she was five minutes late. It had been a long time since she’d seen the little house, and a smile came to her face as she looked at the climbing rose that still covered one side of the wooden structure. It was almost like an oversize kid’s playhouse, and it had been the place she’d lived in when she was younger, before her granddad had managed to convince her mom that she was crazy for insisting on being so independent. Then they’d moved into the main house, and this had been used for friends and family, or for guests when Jock had felt like some company over the past few years. She’d always guessed he’d rented the place when he was lonely, as he liked having younger people around him, but now she wondered if he’d needed the extra money. It was all just so frustrating not being able to ask him what the hell had happened.
Jessica inhaled deeply, convinced she could smell coffee but certain she must be imagining it. She ran her fingers through her hair, a nervous habit that she was always prone to whenever she wore it loose. Most of her life she’d worn a ponytail or plait, having worn a helmet almost every day and needing to be practical, but lately she’d liked blow-drying it and leaving it out, one of the only things she’d enjoyed about not training.
“Hey.”
She looked up and saw Nathan standing barefoot in the doorway, wearing faded jeans and a white T-shirt. He looked like he was born to live on the farm, relaxed and sporting a smile as casual as his clothing, which made it hard to match him with the banker he’d described. In fact, there was almost nothing about him that would ever have hinted at what his usual life was, except maybe his posh English accent. And that hint of sadness that reflected in his gaze—something she doubted he was even aware that he did—that told her he wasn’t as carefree and relaxed as he looked sometimes.
He’d disappeared almost the moment he’d called out, so she just walked slowly to the low porch where the old table was set. She ran her hand along the chair, smiling as she thought about the times she’d sat there in the past. First it had been with her mom, then as somewhere fun to play and have pretend tea parties as a girl, and later it had been a place to sit and think when she’d been a teenager. And when her mom had died, it had been oddly comforting to sit and remember her, sometimes on her own and other times with her granddad silently sitting beside her. Although remembering had always been a lot tougher than trying to forget.
Jessica brushed aside the tears that were pricking her eyes, blinking as she heard Nathan coming out. She didn’t need to go back to that night, to the sirens wailing and the lights flashing in the dead of night, the police car arriving to tell her and her granddad what had happened. She’d been so numb from news of the crash that it had passed as a blur, in the beginning anyway. And it just made her more determined not to let anyone too close, so she didn’t have to experience that kind of loss again.
“I hope you’re not expecting anything too exciting,”