He tried not to grimace, worried he’d said the wrong thing and not wanting to upset her.
Jessica poured herself another glass of wine, sighing and taking a large sip before looking back up. “I’ll never be able to compete him again, but he means the world to me, Nathan. He deserves a retirement here on the farm, going for a ride every now and again if he’s not too stiff, even just being in the field with a few of the youngsters to keep them company.” Her voice was shaky. “I just want him with me.”
“So where is he?”
Her eyebrows pulled together, frustration clear on her face. “He’s still stuck in the UK. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to raise the money to bring him back now, which means I’ll—” she closed her eyes for a moment, taking a visibly deep breath “—have to have him put down. He’s worthless to anyone else, and I won’t be able to afford the livery for long, if at all.”
Nathan could feel her pain, could see how upset she was talking about an animal she so clearly loved. He reached for her across the table, covered her hand with his before even thinking about what he was doing. Nathan squeezed her fingers, wondering what the hell he was doing as he looked into her eyes. It was almost painful just touching her, connecting with another human being, but he forced himself not to pull away.
“How much do you need to fly him home?” he asked.
She shifted her hand beneath his but didn’t remove it. “Too much,” she replied, voice soft.
Nathan slowly took his fingers from hers, sliding them away and reaching for his beer. But that wasn’t why he’d withdrawn—her skin, so soft and warm, was making him think how much he wanted to keep touching her. How much he’d missed being with a woman, or even just being close to any other person.
“Find out how much and I’ll take care of it.”
Her eyes went wide, round like saucers. “No.” She shook her head like she was trying to convince herself otherwise. “Absolutely not.”
“Why not?” If it meant that much to her, he’d pay the bill without a second thought. “Your granddad meant a lot to me, so just think of it as my way of repaying him.”
“No matter how much he did for you, he wouldn’t let you spend thirty grand on bringing a retired horse home.”
Nathan chuckled and raised an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t know how much it cost.”
She shrugged. “That’s the rough price, but honestly? There’s no way I could ever afford it, not now, and I’m not taking handouts from anyone.” Jessica sighed. “Besides, this place won’t even be here then. I’m going to have to sell, which means I won’t even have somewhere to keep him or any of the others. I have to face the cold, hard facts.”
Nathan stared long and hard at the grim set of her mouth and the sad look in her eyes. It was almost like looking at a reflection of himself, of the way he felt so often. “Look, if you want him back I’ll pay, no strings attached. And I want to make it clear that I’ll buy Patch if it comes to that, and I’ll pay for somewhere nice to stable him if I need to, for as long as he needs it.”
Jessica’s expression changed, her eyes soft, the faintest lines appearing at the corners as she smiled at him. “Thank you,” she said. “That old horse means a lot to me, too.”
Nathan resisted the urge to reach for her again, but the way she was looking at him made it almost impossible. There was something about being in New Zealand that had changed his outlook, made him appreciate the more simple things he’d taken for granted most of his life, but until now he’d also appreciated the time on his own. Or maybe he’d just been terrified of ever letting anyone close again. Now? He knew he’d been traveling solo for long enough, but even the thought of Jessica’s beautiful smile didn’t make it easier for him to think about...what? He didn’t even know what. He only knew that he liked her, and that she made him want to push past what had been holding him back for so long.
“So you’d let me buy him?”
“If it comes to that, yes.” This time her smile was determined instead of kind when she flashed it. “But I like to win my own battles, Nathan, and that means I don’t want to be anyone’s charity case.”
From the look on her face she’d been offended by his offer when all he’d been trying to do was help. “So I can help you with one horse, but not the other?” He should have kept his mouth shut but the words just slipped out before he could help it.
“The difference is that you genuinely like Patch. He means a lot to you and you’re attached to him. But if I let you help me with Teddy then I’d owe you a debt I could never repay.” She laughed, but it was more of a nervous chuckle. “Besides, I’ve never wanted to be some rich man’s bought-and-paid-for mistress.”
This time he should have said something, but he only stared at her. All his life he’d been surrounded by people impressed by wealth, seen women flock to rich men, and here Jessica was rebuffing him immediately because of his money. Money she desperately needed. It shouldn’t have mattered to him, but something about her words only made him more intrigued. Made him want to help her all the more, a challenge that he couldn’t ignore. And a challenge that made him forget all about his demons, at least for the moment. Or maybe it was the comment about being his mistress that had shocked him into forgetting.
“You know, I think we kind of got off track,” he finally said, breaking the silence.
She only raised her eyebrows in response.
“Tonight was supposed to be about cheap and cheerful food and a few drinks,” he continued.
“And you helping me solve the mystery of my grandfather’s demise,” she added, smile back on her face.
“Let me look through all Jock’s paperwork in the morning,” Nathan suggested, wanting an excuse to see her again as much as he wanted to help. “If there’s one thing I can do, it’s figure out if anyone’s swindled the old man.”
Jessica held up her now half-empty wine glass. “I’ll drink to that.”
Nathan raised his beer bottle and met her stare, surprised that she held his gaze instead of looking away. Earlier in the day she’d hardly been able to look at him, had seemed more annoyed than anything that he’d stopped by to introduce himself, and now her smile alone was warming a part of him that had been cold for the better part of the last year. A part of him that he’d thought would never heal.
“So tell me about this gorgeous old horse of yours,” he said.
“Hey, who’re you calling old?”
* * *
Jessica stood at the door and watched as Nathan walked slowly backward. She raised her hand in a wave, before crossing both arms over her chest, more for comfort than for the cold. It was weird spending time with someone who knew so much about her, but who was essentially still a stranger. Weird but nice at the same time.
“Thanks for coming over,” she said, leaning against the doorjamb
Nathan stopped, hands pushed into his pockets. “So tomorrow we start investigating?” he asked.
“Maybe we should go for a ride,” she suggested, liking the idea of anything that meant she got to spend extra time with him.
“Sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She stared after him, watching as he went part way down the drive before crossing over the lawn and heading for the cottage. So much for wishing she didn’t have a guest to deal with. Spending time with Nathan had pulled her from her own miserable thoughts, stopped her from wallowing in what had happened and what could happen in the near future. And it had made her more determined.
Jessica shut the door and headed for the kitchen, sighing as she looked at the table where they’d been sitting. There wasn’t much to clean up, just a couple of beer bottles, the take-out containers