play to master this sexy art form, beginners can enjoy the basics by purchasing two lengths of high-quality rope. The first length should wind around the female submissive’s upper body, harnessing her breasts and restraining her arms to her sides or to a piece of furniture like the headboard or the arms of a chair. The second length should wind around her legs, either binding them closed or tying them open and fastening them to the footboard or the legs of a chair. Whether the submissive’s legs are bound closed or tied open depends on the type of sexual activity that is to follow.
As couples become more familiar with BDSM sexplay, they can begin to experiment with some of the more physically complicated and sensually dramatic bondage positions that can be achieved with rope (see #34 and #35).
No bondage boudoir is complete without a thickly cushioned ottoman sitting with deceptive innocence at the foot of the bed. This versatile piece of furniture allows a couple to engage in many BDSM activities. It should be low and long enough for one partner to lie on with good stability, but still narrow enough for the other partner to straddle with relative ease and mobility.
The submissive partner, whether male or female, lies supine on the ottoman while the dominant binds him or her to it with rope. Elements of Japanese rope bondage can be incorporated, so that the rope wraps around the submissive’s body rather than simply tethering the wrists and ankles. The submissive’s arms should be at his or her sides. If the submissive is the male partner, his legs should be bound closed; if female, her legs should be slightly spread when bound to the ottoman to accommodate penetration.
With the submissive bound in this vulnerable position, the dominant straddles the ottoman to stand above his or her partner. In this position, the dominant can lower his or her body on top of the submissive’s mouth to enjoy oral sex and then slide down to use the submissive’s genitals for intercourse.
Suspension bondage is a form of BDSM where the dominant hangs the submissive in some type of suspension system or device and then performs sexual acts to his or her body while it is so restrained. This practice requires skill and the proper equipment, which can be costly, complicated and dangerous to the inexperienced; however, BDSM beginners who don’t want to invest in a fully furnished dungeon can replicate the thrill of suspension in the shower. One of the sexiest ways to restrain a submissive is to tie the hands high above the head, making the body totally vulnerable. Fastening the submissive’s hands to a secure shower rod can mimic this suspension-inspired position by stretching the body, limiting resistance, maximizing the sense of exploitation and exposing the highly sensitive stretches of skin along the torso.
With the submissive in this position, the dominant can perform erotic torture (see #33) at leisure, using either his or her hands, mouth or a sex toy. For example, a female dominant may fellate her submissive just enough to keep him in sexual agony, while a male dominant may penetrate his submissive in the standing position, sometimes with his penis and sometimes with a vibrator. They may move into the shower to enjoy aqua sex afterward. A silicone-based personal lubricant is recommended to facilitate intercourse in the water.
Door jam cuffs offer another easy, economical way to restrain a submissive with his or her hands over the head. They are comprised of wrist restraints that attach to weighted straps, which drape over the top of a door and are secured by closing it. This is a discreet, must-have bondage item that facilitates many BDSM activities.
Not all sexual restraint games require bondage equipment to play. Sometimes, the weight of a partner’s body is just as arousing. This is especially true for female submissives who enjoy being held down and “taken” by their male dominant. This allows both partners to indulge in force fantasies.
Although very taboo, consensual force fantasies are a popular element of many couples’ sex lives, both in the mainstream and BDSM community. This type of erotic escapism allows male dominants to “let go” and indulge their more primal, basic desires while simultaneously allowing female submissives to enjoy their partner’s brute strength and sexuality. The female submissive can also enjoy guilt-free sex. Because she cannot resist, she has no option but to be used as a sexual object and experience sexual feelings.
BDSM force fantasies run the gamut from lukewarm to scalding. Beginners may wish to focus on basic bodily restraint. For example, the male dominant may hold his submissive in position by her hair during penetration. He may also push her body against a wall or lean her over a dresser as he has his way with her: if this is your game plan, make sure there are no religious icons or photos of your mother-in-law on the dresser. Talk about mood breakers. A male submissive may imagine that he has ingested a drug that has temporarily rendered him paralyzed and unable to resist his female dominant’s unwanted sexual advances. The poor boy.
It’s hard science: when a person loses one of his or her senses, the other senses are enhanced. Sight is perhaps the easiest sense to restrict during sex, and blindfolds are a must in any BDSM bedside drawer. A female dominant may want to use a silk stocking to cover her male submissive’s eyes, perhaps spritzing it with perfume to tantalize his nearby nostrils. Male dominants may want to use a necktie—a sexily masculine choice—laced with a drop of cologne.
Sensory deprivation scenes are popular in BDSM sexplay. Muzzles, mouth gags and hoods, some with open mouths and some with zippered or closed mouths, are often used to restrict the speech, sight and hearing of the submissive partner. For mainstream or beginning BDSM players who find full leather hoods too intimidating, a satisfactory degree of sensory deprivation can often be achieved by simply placing the bedcovers over the submissive’s face. This creates a novel sense of anonymity and anticipation for both partners.
The classic BDSM cocktail is a spicy blend of pain and pleasure. Typically, the dominant partner is aroused by sadism, or the act of inflicting pain on another. The submissive is aroused by feeling pain, a quality of masochism. In good BDSM, there is a perfect balance of giving and receiving pain within the context of sexual activity. In so doing, the physical and mental sensations of sex are maximized. The body is exploding with intense feeling and the mind is reeling from the power imbalance between dominant and submissive. Lovers who wish to incorporate elements of pain and pleasure into their sex lives must discuss their desires and limits, as well as any safety concerns or precautions, in advance (see #2).
Spanking is a common practice that combines pain and pleasure, or sadism and masochism, while also amplifying the control dynamics between BDSM players. The dominant can spank the submissive in a number of positions: bent over the dominant’s knee or a piece of furniture, lying prone, twisting from the supine position, crouching on all fours or standing. Restraint with BDSM bondage gear enhances sexual exploitation and excitement.
Spanking intensifies sexual pleasure by increasing blood flow to the buttocks and genital region. It creates a sexual “burn” that heightens genital stimulation and spikes arousal. Although nothing more than an open, bare hand is needed to spank, special spanking instruments bring extra sensation and novelty