love,’ I said gently. ‘Your daddy will love you whatever you wear. It’s you he wants to see, not your dress.’
‘But I want to look nice for him,’ Beth persisted.
‘And you will. Now finish your breakfast. We don’t want to be late for school.’
‘I don’t want any more,’ Beth said, pushing the bowl of half-eaten cereal away. ‘I’m not hungry.’
‘All right, leave what you don’t want.’
Beth got down from the table and went upstairs to brush her teeth. I quickly drained the last of my coffee and went upstairs after her. I wanted to talk to her alone.
‘Beth, love,’ I said, going into the bathroom, ‘are you sure there’s nothing worrying you – apart from which dress to wear?’ For it seemed incredible to me that choosing what to wear could cause a child this much consternation. I wondered if it was masking a more deep-seated problem that Beth was finding difficult to share. ‘Your daddy is being well looked after in hospital,’ I reassured her, wondering if this was the problem.
‘I know he is,’ Beth said. ‘And I’m seeing him later, but I don’t know what to wear.’
‘You’d tell me if there was anything else worrying you, wouldn’t you?’ I asked. ‘I’d do my best to help.’
‘Yes,’ Beth said. ‘Thank you, but I’m fine.’
There was nothing more I could say.
The day passed quickly with a big shop at the supermarket, unpacking it all on our return, then general housework and playing with Paula. When I took Beth’s clean laundry to her room I noticed she’d returned the grey-and-pink check dress to her wardrobe, but hadn’t chosen anything in its place. There wouldn’t be much time when we returned from school before Jessie collected Beth. I thought about choosing another dress for her and insisting she wore it, but I didn’t want to upset her, and I wondered why Derek had let the situation get so out of hand. It must take them ages to get ready to leave the house when there was no school uniform to rely on. But then, from what I’d heard of their telephone conversations, Derek shared Beth’s love of clothes and accessories. Oh well, I thought, it wouldn’t do if we were all the same.
Beth was in very good spirits when she came out of school that afternoon and skipped over to me happily. ‘I’m seeing my daddy soon!’ she cried. ‘I’m so happy. And I know what I’m going to wear.’
‘Good,’ Adrian said as we made our way to the car. ‘Dare I ask what it is?’
‘I’m not telling you,’ Beth teased. ‘You’ll have to wait and see. It’ll be a big surprise.’
‘I can’t wait,’ Adrian said dryly. I wondered how much attention she’d paid to her lessons that day and how much time she’d spent thinking about what she was going to wear. Whatever would she be like as a teenager? I thought with a smile.
Once home, Beth quickly took off her coat and shoes, then went straight up to her room to change. ‘Remember, Jessie will be here in fifteen minutes,’ I called after her. ‘Do you want some help?’
‘No. I’ll be ready on time,’ she replied.
I went into the kitchen to begin the preparation for dinner. I assumed Beth would eat when she returned from seeing her father. As I worked, I kept one eye on the clock. At five minutes to four, with no sign of Beth, and Jessie due in five minutes, I left what I was doing and went upstairs. Beth’s bedroom door was closed, so I knocked. ‘It’s Cathy. Are you ready, Beth? Jessie will be here soon.’
‘I’m ready,’ Beth called from inside. ‘You can come in.’
‘Good girl,’ I said.
I opened her bedroom door, took a step in and stopped. Good grief! I thought but didn’t say. ‘Oh. Is that what you’re wearing?’ I asked, trying to hide my shock.
Beth grinned, pleased. ‘Yes. Do you like it?’
I could see how pleased she was with herself. Not only did I not like the dress she was wearing, but also it wasn’t suitable for a child, the cold weather or hospital visiting. It was very short, made from bright-red glossy satin and had puffed sleeves and a big lace collar. I remembered seeing the dress when I’d unpacked Beth’s case, but I’d assumed it was for ‘dressing up’ in at home. Beth was also wearing black lacy tights and children’s high-heeled shoes, which again I’d assumed were for dressing up. However, what concerned me even more was what Beth had put on her face.
‘Are you wearing make-up?’ I asked, aghast.
Beth nodded and turned to admire her handiwork in the mirror. ‘I did a good job, didn’t I?’
I stared at her reflection in the mirror: bright-blue eye shadow, navy mascara and red lipstick. Normally I didn’t let young girls wear make-up unless it was part of playing at home, nor did I let them dress provocatively, which was the only word to describe Beth’s appearance. It sexualizes the innocent. She looked like a child prostitute and I shuddered at the thought. But what could I say? Beth was so happy. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and ruin her evening, and Jessie was expected any minute.
‘Usually my daddy helps me put on my make-up,’ Beth said, again admiring her face in the mirror. ‘But I did it all by myself this time.’
‘Your father puts make-up on you?’ I asked, shocked.
‘Yes. He says he has a steady hand and can do it better than me.’
I shifted my gaze from Beth to the photographs on the shelves. ‘Were you wearing make-up in those photographs?’ I asked.
‘Yes, daddy did it for me.’
Which explained why Beth looked that much older in the photographs.
‘Where did you get the make-up from?’ I now asked, for I was sure I would have remembered seeing it when I’d unpacked.
‘It was in my drawer at school,’ Beth said, finally turning from the mirror. ‘I took it in to show my friends – they’re not allowed make-up. Then I forgot it. I remembered today and I put it in my coat pocket so I wouldn’t forget it.’
The doorbell rang. ‘That’ll be Jessie,’ I said. There wasn’t time for Beth to change.
‘Mum! Doorbell!’ Adrian yelled from the living room.
‘Yes, I heard!’ I returned.
We went downstairs, with Beth clutching the banister rail and tottering on her high heels. I opened the front door. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said to Jessie. ‘Beth got herself ready.’
Beth appeared beside me.
‘Oh gosh! You are dressed up,’ Jessie exclaimed, seeming more impressed than shocked.
‘I wanted her to wear a warmer dress,’ I explained. ‘And I’m afraid I didn’t know about the make-up.’
‘Daddy bought it for me,’ Beth said proudly.
Jessie nodded, apparently not sharing my concerns. ‘Get your coat on then,’ Jessie said. ‘Daddy will be waiting.’
I took Beth’s coat from the hall stand and helped her into it. ‘Be careful on those heels,’ I said as she tottered unsteadily over the doorstep. ‘Have a nice time.’
‘I should have her back soon after six,’ Jessie called. ‘It’s a twenty-minute drive each way and an hour visiting.’
‘Thank you,’ I said.
‘Can’t we stay longer?’ Beth said as they went down the path.
‘We’ll see,’ I heard Jessie say. Then they disappeared onto the pavement and to Jessie’s car.
I closed the front door. Adrian and Paula appeared in the hall from the living room. ‘Has Beth gone?’ Paula