her father so much. ‘Then I’d be in trouble for leaving the telephone number lying around and not supervising you properly,’ I said, giving her a hug. ‘I’m afraid we will have to wait until next week when I can talk to Jessie.’
She pulled a face, but accepted what I’d said and returned to John, while I strengthened my resolve to try to find out what was going on. Beth needed to know why she wasn’t in contact with her father, and I shouldn’t have to rely on second-hand information from Marianne.
On Sunday John suggested we go to Moorlands, which was a small zoo about a forty-five-minute drive away. The children loved the idea and by 10.30 a.m. we were all in our winter coats and piling into John’s car. I appreciated that John had taken the initiative and suggested the outing. While he was working away all the initiatives and responsibility fell to me, but now he was home we were a proper two-parent family again, doing things together and sharing the responsibility. I’m sure the children appreciated it too.
Adrian remembered going to the zoo two years before, when Paula had been a baby. Beth hadn’t been before and said more than once that she’d ask her father to bring her when he was well again. I smiled an acknowledgement but didn’t say anything. In the light of recent developments I found that I was being guarded in what I said to Beth about her seeing her father. With so little information and then Marianne’s comments, I’d no idea if or when Beth would see her father again.
John and I walked around the zoo holding hands as the children darted from one animal enclosure to the next. He appeared relaxed and was in a playful mood and I was reminded of our courtship, which can sometimes become lost with all the commitments a family and a responsible job bring. We took plenty of photographs of the children and the animals and I told Beth I’d have an extra set printed for her.
‘I’ll show them to my daddy,’ she said, smiling at John.
We had lunch at the zoo’s café, then saw the remaining animals and left at 3 p.m. Although the zoo was only small, we’d had a nice day, and when we arrived home the children drew pictures of the animals, while I made dinner and John watched the sport on television. Beth had wanted to watch sport with John, but I persuaded her to join Adrian and Paula – it seemed more apt, and I knew John liked to watch his sport in peace. After dinner I began the bath and bedtime routine earlier than I had the previous two days, in preparation for having to be up for school the following morning. When Paula was in bed I went downstairs to tell John she was ready for her goodnight kiss, but as I walked into the living room Adrian and Beth looked sombre.
‘Is everyone all right?’ I asked.
‘I’ve just had to tell them that I’ve got to go soon,’ John said.
‘What, tonight?’ I asked, surprised. ‘I thought you’d be leaving in the morning.’ Which is what he had been doing when he worked away.
‘Unfortunately not,’ John said. ‘I have an early start tomorrow, beginning with an eight o’clock breakfast meeting. I need to get settled in at the hotel tonight.’
I felt as disappointed as Adrian and Beth looked. ‘Oh dear,’ I said. ‘Well, I suppose it can’t be helped.’
‘I’m afraid not,’ John said.
He stood and went upstairs to say goodnight to Paula while I stayed with Adrian and Beth. The room was quiet. I think we were all surprised by the abruptness of his departure, and I wondered why he hadn’t mentioned it before. When John returned downstairs he stayed in the hall and called out, ‘Are you all coming to see me off then?’
I went with Adrian and Beth into the hall where John was putting on his coat, his suitcase on the floor beside him. He must have packed it earlier while I’d been clearing up the dinner dishes.
‘Bye, kids,’ he said, hugging Adrian and then Beth. Beth clung to him and smothered his face in kisses.
I eased her away and John kissed my cheek, gave Adrian a high-five and then opened the front door. The cold night air rushed in. Paula, having heard the door open, called from upstairs, ‘Is Daddy going?’
‘Yes, love. I’ll be up in a minute.’
The three of us watched John go down the path and to his car. He opened the rear door, put his suitcase on the back seat and then climbed into the front. We waved until he was out of sight, and I closed the front door.
‘I wish he didn’t have to work away,’ Adrian said sadly.
‘I know, love. But it won’t be long until next weekend.’
‘Will I see my daddy next Friday?’ Beth asked, also looking sad.
‘I’ll ask Jessie,’ I said. Which was the best I could offer.
Beth and Adrian returned to the living room while I went upstairs to resettle Paula. ‘Has Daddy gone to work?’ she asked.
‘Yes, love, until next weekend.’
‘Will you give me another cuddle?’
‘Of course.’
I lay on the bed beside Paula and cuddled her until she turned over, ready for sleep. I gave her a kiss goodnight and then came out and went downstairs and into the living room where Adrian and Beth were looking at some books. They asked if I could read them some stories, which I was happy to do. Although they could both read, like most children they still liked to be read to sometimes, and since Beth’s telephone contact had stopped she’d got out of the routine of going into Paula’s room to listen to her story. I read the books they chose and we talked about the stories until it was time to begin their bath and bedtime routine.
Later, when all the children were in bed asleep, I sat alone in the living room, a single parent again, and watched the news on television. Toscha, sensing I needed company, jumped onto my lap and, purring, licked my chin, which made me smile. She spent some time curling herself into a ball and I stroked her luxuriously soft, silky fur. It was comforting. The weather forecast was now showing on the television, with the presenter saying the temperature was already dropping and icy rain was forecast during the night. Drivers should be aware of the treacherous road conditions and needed to take extra care. I hoped John made it to his hotel before the worst of the weather set in. I worried about him when he was away. He meant the world to me and I couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to him.
I went to bed at eleven o’clock but was awoken at two by Beth having a nightmare. I heard her shout out and, grabbing my dressing gown, I hurried round the landing and to her room. She was sitting upright in bed looking petrified, with tears on her cheeks. ‘Oh, Cathy!’ she cried, stretching out her arms to me. ‘I thought my daddy was dead. I thought Jessie had phoned and said he was dead. He’s not dead, is he?’
‘No, love,’ I said, holding her close. She gripped my arms. ‘Your daddy is in hospital, getting better. He’s not dead. You had a bad dream, that’s all. It’s gone now.’
‘It was a very, very bad dream,’ Beth said, breathless from shock. ‘It was so real. I thought he really was dead, and I was all alone.’
‘You’re awake now, and your daddy is in hospital,’ I said again. ‘He’s safe.’
Gradually her sobbing eased and she relaxed her grip on me. I persuaded her to lie down and I drew the duvet up to her chin.
‘Can you stay with me and stroke my head until I’m asleep, like my daddy does?’ she asked.
‘Of course, love.’
I sat on the bed and in the half-light coming from the landing I gently stroked Beth’s forehead until she fell asleep. I crept out of her room, quietly pulled her door to and returned to my room. I could see why Beth would have a dream about her father dying. With no information and all contact abruptly halted, it was like a bereavement to Beth, and her subconscious had dealt with it as such, in a dream.
The following morning when I opened my bedroom curtains I saw that a thick hoar frost had settled in the night. Coating the gardens and houses, it gave