Rudolf Raspe

The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen


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and conscience of a good

      sportsman, I hardly know whether there may not have been formerly, or

      whether there are not such crossed stags even at this present day. But

      let me rather tell what I have seen myself. Having one day spent all my

      shot, I found myself unexpectedly in presence of a stately stag, looking

      at me as unconcernedly as if he had known of my empty pouches. I charged

      immediately with powder, and upon it a good handful of cherry-stones,

      for I had sucked the fruit as far as the hurry would permit. Thus I let

      fly at him, and hit him just on the middle of the forehead, between his

      antlers; it stunned him – he staggered – yet he made off. A year or two

      after, being with a party in the same forest, I beheld a noble stag with

      a fine full grown cherry-tree above ten feet high between his antlers.

      I immediately recollected my former adventure, looked upon him as my

      property, and brought him to the ground by one shot, which at once

      gave me the haunch and cherry-sauce; for the tree was covered with the

      richest fruit, the like I had never tasted before. Who knows but some

      passionate holy sportsman, or sporting abbot or bishop, may have shot,

      planted, and fixed the cross between the antlers of St. Hubert’s stag,

      in a manner similar to this? They always have been, and still are,

      famous for plantations of crosses and antlers; and in a case of distress

      or dilemma, which too often happens to keen sportsmen, one is apt to

      grasp at anything for safety, and to try any expedient rather than

      miss the favourable opportunity. I have many times found myself in that

      trying situation.

      What do you say of this, for example? Daylight and powder were spent one

      day in a Polish forest. When I was going home a terrible bear made up

      to me in great speed, with open mouth, ready to fall upon me; all my

      pockets were searched in an instant for powder and ball, but in vain; I

      found nothing but two spare flints: one I flung with all my might into

      the monster’s open jaws, down his throat. It gave him pain and made him

      turn about, so that I could level the second at his back-door, which,

      indeed, I did with wonderful success; for it flew in, met the first

      flint in the stomach, struck fire, and blew up the bear with a terrible

      explosion. Though I came safe off that time, yet I should not wish to

      try it again, or venture against bears with no other ammunition.

      There is a kind of fatality in it. The fiercest and most dangerous

      animals generally came upon me when defenceless, as if they had a notion

      or an instinctive intimation of it. Thus a frightful wolf rushed upon me

      so suddenly, and so close, that I could do nothing but follow mechanical

      instinct, and thrust my fist into his open mouth. For safety’s sake

      I pushed on and on, till my arm was fairly in up to the shoulder.

      How should I disengage myself? I was not much pleased with my awkward

      situation – with a wolf face to face; our ogling was not of the most

      pleasant kind. If I withdrew my arm, then the animal would fly the more

      furiously upon me; that I saw in his flaming eyes. In short, I laid hold

      of his tail, turned him inside out like a glove, and flung him to the

      ground, where I left him.

      The same expedient would not have answered against a mad dog, which soon

      after came running against me in a narrow street at St. Petersburg. Run

      who can, I thought; and to do this the better, I threw off my fur cloak,

      and was safe within doors in an instant. I sent my servant for the

      cloak, and he put it in the wardrobe with my other clothes. The day

      after I was amazed and frightened by Jack’s bawling, «For God’s sake,

      sir, your fur cloak is mad!» I hastened up to him, and found almost all

      my clothes tossed about and torn to pieces. The fellow was perfectly

      right in his apprehensions about the fur cloak’s madness. I saw him

      myself just then falling upon a fine full-dress suit, which he shook and

      tossed in an unmerciful manner.

      CHAPTER V

      _The effects of great activity and presence of mind – A favourite hound

      described, which pups while pursuing a hare; the hare also litters while

      pursued by the hound – Presented with a famous horse by Count Przobossky,

      with which he performs many extraordinary feats._

      All these narrow and lucky escapes, gentlemen, were chances turned

      to advantage by presence of mind and vigorous exertions, which, taken

      together, as everybody knows, make the fortunate sportsman, sailor,

      and soldier; but he would be a very blamable and imprudent sportsman,

      admiral, or general, who would always depend upon chance and his stars,

      without troubling himself about those arts which are their particular

      pursuits, and without providing the very best implements, which insure

      success. I was not blamable either way; for I have always been as

      remarkable for the excellency of my horses, dogs, guns, and swords, as

      for the proper manner of using and managing them, so that upon the whole

      I may hope to be remembered in the forest, upon the turf, and in the

      field. I shall not enter here into any detail of my stables, kennel, or

      armoury; but a favourite bitch of mine I cannot help mentioning to you;

      she was a greyhound, and I never had or saw a better. She grew old in

      my service, and was not remarkable for her size, but rather for her

      uncommon swiftness. I always coursed with her. Had you seen her you must

      have admired her, and would not have wondered at my predilection, and

      at my coursing her so much. She ran so fast, so much, and so long in my

      service, that she actually ran off her legs; so that, in the latter part

      of her life, I was under the necessity of working and using her only as

      a terrier, in which quality she still served me many years.

      Coursing one day a hare, which appeared to me uncommonly big, I pitied

      my poor bitch, being big with pups, yet she would course as fast as

      ever.