Rudolf Raspe

The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen


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I hardly knew what to make of it. Coming up to them, I was greatly

      surprised. The hare had littered in running; the same had happened to

      my bitch in coursing, and there were just as many leverets as pups. By

      instinct the former ran, the latter coursed: and thus I found myself

      in possession at once of six hares, and as many dogs, at the end of a

      course which had only begun with one.

      I remember this, my wonderful bitch, with the same pleasure and

      tenderness as a superb Lithuanian horse, which no money could have

      bought. He became mine by an accident, which gave me an opportunity

      of showing my horsemanship to a great advantage. I was at Count

      Przobossky’s noble country-seat in Lithuania, and remained with the

      ladies at tea in the drawing-room, while the gentlemen were down in

      the yard, to see a young horse of blood which had just arrived from the

      stud. We suddenly heard a noise of distress; I hastened down-stairs, and

      found the horse so unruly, that nobody durst approach or mount him.

      The most resolute horsemen stood dismayed and aghast; despondency was

      expressed in every countenance, when, in one leap, I was on his back,

      took him by surprise, and worked him quite into gentleness and obedience

      with the best display of horsemanship I was master of. Fully to show

      this to the ladies, and save them unnecessary trouble, I forced him to

      leap in at one of the open windows of the tea-room, walked round several

      times, pace, trot, and gallop, and at last made him mount the tea-table,

      there to repeat his lessons in a pretty style of miniature which was

      exceedingly pleasing to the ladies, for he performed them amazingly

      well, and did not break either cup or saucer. It placed me so high in

      their opinion, and so well in that of the noble lord, that, with his

      usual politeness, he begged I would accept of this young horse, and

      ride him full career to conquest and honour in the campaign against the

      Turks, which was soon to be opened, under the command of Count Munich.

      I could not indeed have received a more agreeable present, nor a

      more ominous one at the opening of that campaign, in which I made my

      apprenticeship as a soldier. A horse so gentle, so spirited, and so

      fierce – at once a lamb and a Bucephalus, put me always in mind of the

      soldier’s and the gentleman’s duty! of young Alexander, and of the

      astonishing things he performed in the field.

      We took the field, among several other reasons, it seems, with an

      intention to retrieve the character of the Russian arms, which had been

      blemished a little by Czar Peter’s last campaign on the Pruth; and this

      we fully accomplished by several very fatiguing and glorious campaigns

      under the command of that great general I mentioned before.

      Modesty forbids individuals to arrogate to themselves great successes

      or victories, the glory of which is generally engrossed by the

      commander – nay, which is rather awkward, by kings and queens who never

      smelt gunpowder but at the field-days and reviews of their troops; never

      saw a field of battle, or an enemy in battle array.

      Nor do I claim any particular share of glory in the great engagements

      with the enemy. We all did our duty, which, in the patriot’s, soldier’s,

      and gentleman’s language, is a very comprehensive word, of great honour,

      meaning, and import, and of which the generality of idle quidnuncs

      and coffee-house politicians can hardly form any but a very mean and

      contemptible idea. However, having had the command of a body of hussars,

      I went upon several expeditions, with discretionary powers; and the

      success I then met with is, I think, fairly and only to be placed to my

      account, and to that of the brave fellows whom I led on to conquest and

      to victory. We had very hot work once in the van of the army, when we

      drove the Turks into Oczakow. My spirited Lithuanian had almost brought

      me into a scrape: I had an advanced fore-post, and saw the enemy coming

      against me in a cloud of dust, which left me rather uncertain about

      their actual numbers and real intentions: to wrap myself up in a

      similar cloud was common prudence, but would not have much advanced my

      knowledge, or answered the end for which I had been sent out; therefore

      I let my flankers on both wings spread to the right and left and make

      what dust they could, and I myself led on straight upon the enemy, to

      have nearer sight of them: in this I was gratified, for they stood and

      fought, till, for fear of my flankers, they began to move off rather

      disorderly. This was the moment to fall upon them with spirit; we broke

      them entirely – made a terrible havoc amongst them, and drove them not

      only back to a walled town in their rear, but even through it, contrary

      to our most sanguine expectation.

      The swiftness of my Lithuanian enabled me to be foremost in the pursuit;

      and seeing the enemy fairly flying through the opposite gate, I thought

      it would be prudent to stop in the market-place, to order the men to

      rendezvous. I stopped, gentlemen; but judge of my astonishment when

      in this market-place I saw not one of my hussars about me! Are they

      scouring the other streets? or what is become of them? They could not

      be far off, and must, at all events, soon join me. In that expectation

      I walked my panting Lithuanian to a spring in this market-place, and let

      him drink. He drank uncommonly, with an eagerness not to be satisfied,

      but natural enough; for when I looked round for my men, what should I

      see, gentlemen! the hind part of the poor creature – croup and legs were

      missing, as if he had been cut in two, and the water ran out as it came

      in, without refreshing or doing him any good! How it could have happened

      was quite a mystery to me, till I returned with him to the town-gate.

      There I saw, that when I rushed in pell-mell with the flying enemy, they

      had dropped the portcullis (a heavy falling door, with sharp spikes at

      the