something in me!— Softly! M, O, A, I,—
SIR TOBY.
O, ay, make up that; he is now at a cold scent.
FABIAN. Sowter will cry upon ‘t for all this, though it be as rank as a fox.
MALVOLIO.
M,— Malvolio; M,—why, that begins my name.
FABIAN. Did not I say he would work it out? the cur is excellent at faults.
MALVOLIO. M,— but then there is no consonancy in the sequel; that suffers under probation: A should follow, but O does.
FABIAN.
And O shall end, I hope.
SIR TOBY.
Ay, or I ‘ll cudgel him, and make him cry O!
MALVOLIO.
And then I comes behind.
FABIAN. Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might see more detraction at your heels than fortunes before you.
MALVOLIO. M, O, A, I; this simulation is not as the former; and yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me, for every one of these letters are in my name. Soft! here follows prose. — [Reads] ‘If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em. Thy Fates open their hands; let thy blood and spirit embrace them; and, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be, cast thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let thy tongue tang arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of singularity: she thus advises thee that sighs for thee. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings, and wish’d to see thee ever cross-garter’d. I say, remember. Go to, thou art made, if thou desir’st to be so; if not, let me see thee a steward still, the fellow of servants, and not worthy to touch Fortune’s fingers. Farewell. She that would alter services with thee, THE FORTUNATE-UNHAPPY.
Daylight and champain discovers not more; this is open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors, I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross acquaintance, I will be point-devise the very man. I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade me; for every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of late, she did praise my leg being cross-garter’d; and in this she manifests herself to my love, and with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits of her liking. I thank my stars, I am happy. I will be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and cross-garter’d, even with the swiftness of putting on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a postscript.
[Reads] Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou entertain’st my love, let it appear in thy smiling; thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.
Jove, I thank thee. I will smile; I will do everything that thou
wilt have me.
[Exit.]
FABIAN. I will not give my part of this sport for a pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.
SIR TOBY.
I could marry this wench for this device.
SIR ANDREW.
So could I too.
SIR TOBY.
And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.
SIR ANDREW.
Nor I neither.
FABIAN.
Here comes my noble gull-catcher.
[Re-enter MARIA.]
SIR TOBY.
Wilt thou set thy foot o’ my neck?
SIR ANDREW.
Or o’ mine either?
SIR TOBY.
Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip, and become thy bondslave?
SIR ANDREW.
I’ faith, or I either?
SIR TOBY. Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.
MARIA.
Nay, but say true; does it work upon him?
SIR TOBY.
Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.
MARIA. If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark his first approach before my lady. He will come to her in yellow stockings, and ‘t is a colour she abhors; and cross-garter’d, a fashion she detests; and he will smile upon her, which will now be so unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a melancholy as she is, that it cannot but turn him into a notable contempt. If you will see it, follow me.
SIR TOBY.
To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!
SIR ANDREW.
I’ll make one too.
[Exeunt.]
ACT III.
SCENE I.
OLIVIA’S garden.
[Enter VIOLA, and CLOWN with a tabor.]
VIOLA.
Save thee, friend, and thy music! dost thou live by thy tabor?
CLOWN.
No, sir, I live by the church.
VIOLA.
Art thou a churchman?
CLOWN. No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the church.
VIOLA. So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a beggar dwell near him; or the church stands by thy tabor, if thy tabor stand by the church.
CLOWN. You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is but a cheveril glove to a good wit; how quickly the wrong side may be turn’d outward!
VIOLA. Nay, that’s certain; they that dally nicely with words may quickly make them wanton.
CLOWN.
I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
VIOLA.
Why, man?
CLOWN. Why, sir, her name’s a word; and to dally with that word might make my sister wanton. But, indeed, words are very rascals since bonds disgrac’d them.
VIOLA.
Thy reason, man?
CLOWN. Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and words are grown so false, I am loth to prove reason with them.
VIOLA.
I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car’st for nothing.
CLOWN.
Not so, sir; I do care for something; but in my conscience, sir,
I do not care for you: if that be to care for nothing, sir, I
would it would make you invisible.
VIOLA.
Art not thou the Lady Olivia’s fool?
CLOWN. No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to herrings, the husband’s the bigger. I am, indeed, not her fool, but her corrupter of words.
VIOLA.
I saw thee late at the Count Orsino’s.
CLOWN. Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun, it shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but the fool should be as oft with your master as with my mistress. I think I saw your wisdom there.
VIOLA. Nay, and thou pass upon me, I’ll no more with thee. Hold, there’s expenses for thee.
CLOWN.
Now Jove, in his next commodity