married,
To receive her can't refuse.
TESS. If I overtake her
I'll warrant I'll make her
To shake in her aristocratical shoes!
GIA. (to Tess.). If she married your Giuseppe
You and he will have to part—
TESS. (to Gia.). If I have to do it
I'll warrant she'll rue it—
I'll teach her to marry the man of my heart!
TESS. (to Gia.). If she married Messer Marco
You're a spinster, that is plain—
GIA. (to Tess.). No matter—no matter.
If I can get at her
I doubt if her mother will know her again!
ALL. Quiet, calm deliberation
Disentangles every knot!
(Exeunt,
pondering.)
(March. Enter procession of Retainers, heralding approach of
Duke, Duchess, and Casilda. All three are now dressed with the
utmost magnificence.)
CHORUS OF MEN, with DUKE and DUCHESS.
With ducal pomp and ducal pride
(Announce these comers,
O ye kettle-drummers!)
Comes Barataria's high-born bride.
(Ye sounding cymbals clang!)
She comes to claim the Royal hand—
(Proclaim their Graces,
O ye double basses!)
Of the King who rules this goodly land.
(Ye brazen brasses bang!)
DUKE and This polite attention touches
DUCH. Heart of Duke and heart of Duchess
Who resign their pet
With profound regret.
She of beauty was a model
When a tiny tiddle-toddle,
And at twenty-one
She's excelled by none!
CHORUS. With ducal pomp and ducal pride, etc.
DUKE (to his attendants). Be good enough to inform His Majesty
that His Grace the Duke of Plaza-Toro, Limited, has arrived, and
begs—
CAS. Desires—
DUCH. Demands—
DUKE. And demands an audience. (Exeunt attendants.) And
now, my child, prepare to receive the husband to whom you were
united under such interesting and romantic circumstances.
CAS. But which is it? There are two of them!
DUKE. It is true that at present His Majesty is a double
gentleman; but as soon as the circumstances of his marriage are
ascertained, he will, ipso facto, boil down to a single
gentleman—thus presenting a unique example of an individual who
becomes a single man and a married man by the same operation.
DUCH. (severely). I have known instances in which the
characteristics of both conditions existed concurrently in the
same individual.
DUKE. Ah, he couldn't have been a Plaza-Toro.
DUCH. Oh! couldn't he, though!
CAS. Well, whatever happens, I shall, of course, be a
dutiful wife, but I can never love my husband.
DUKE. I don't know. It's extraordinary what
unprepossessing people one can love if one gives one's mind to
it.
DUCH. I loved your father.
DUKE. My love—that remark is a little hard, I think?
Rather cruel, perhaps? Somewhat uncalled-for, I venture to
believe?
DUCH. It was very difficult, my dear; but I said to myself,
"That man is a Duke, and I will love him." Several of my
relations bet me I couldn't, but I did—desperately!
SONG—DUCHESS.
On the day when I was wedded
To your admirable sire,
I acknowledge that I dreaded
An explosion of his ire.
I was overcome with panic—
For his temper was volcanic,
And I didn't dare revolt,
For I feared a thunderbolt!
I was always very wary,
For his fury was ecstatic—
His refined vocabulary
Most unpleasantly emphatic.
To the thunder
Of this Tartar
I knocked under
Like a martyr;
When intently
He was fuming,
I was gently
Unassuming—
When reviling
Me completely,
I was smiling
Very sweetly:
Giving him the very best, and getting back the very worst—
That is how I tried to tame your great progenitor—at first!
But I found that a reliance
On my threatening appearance,
And a resolute defiance
Of marital interference,
And a gentle intimation
Of my firm determination
To see what I could do
To be wife and husband too
Was the only thing required
For to make his temper supple,
And you couldn't have desired
A more reciprocating couple.
Ever willing
To be wooing,
We were billing—
We were cooing;
When I merely
From him parted,
We were nearly
Broken-hearted—
When in sequel
Reunited,
We were equal-
Ly delighted.
So with double-shotted guns and colours nailed unto the mast,
I tamed your insignificant progenitor—at last!
CAS. My only hope is that when my husband sees what a shady
family he has married into he will repudiate the contract
altogether.
DUKE. Shady? A nobleman shady, who is blazing in the
lustre of unaccustomed pocket-money? A nobleman shady, who can