and
what do I find? Do I find, for instance, a guard of honour to
receive me? No!
MAR. and GIU. No.
DUKE. The town illuminated? No!
MAR. and GIU. No.
DUKE. Refreshment provided? No!
MAR. and GIU. No.
DUKE. A Royal salute fired? No!
MAR. and GIU. No.
DUKE. Triumphal arches erected? No!
MAR. and GIU. No.
DUKE. The bells set ringing?
MAR. and GIU. No.
DUKE. Yes—one—the Visitors', and I rang it myself. It is
not enough! It is not enough!
GIU. Upon my honour, I'm very sorry; but you see, I was
brought up in a gondola, and my ideas of politeness are confined
to taking off my cap to my passengers when they tip me.
DUCH. That's all very well in its way, but it is not
enough.
GIU. I'll take off anything else in reason.
DUKE. But a Royal Salute to my daughter—it costs so
little.
CAS. Papa, I don't want a salute.
GIU. My dear sir, as soon as we know which of us is
entitled to take that liberty she shall have as many salutes as
she likes.
MAR. As for guards of honour and triumphal arches, you
don't know our people—they wouldn't stand it.
GIU. They are very off-hand with us—very off-hand indeed.
DUKE. Oh, but you mustn't allow that—you must keep them in
proper discipline, you must impress your Court with your
importance. You want deportment—carriage—
GIU. We've got a carriage.
DUKE. Manner—dignity. There must be a good deal of this
sort of thing—(business)—and a little of this sort of
thing—(business)—and possibly just a Soupcon of this sort of
thing!—(business)—and so on. Oh, it's very useful, and most
effective. Just attend to me. You are a King—I am a subject.
Very good—
(Gavotte.)
DUKE, DUCHESS, CASILDA, MARCO, GIUSEPPE.
DUKE. I am a courtier grave and serious
Who is about to kiss your hand:
Try to combine a pose imperious
With a demeanour nobly bland.
MAR. and Let us combine a pose imperious
GIU. With a demeanour nobly bland.
(Marco and Giuseppe endeavour to carry out his instructions.)
DUKE. That's, if anything, too unbending—
Too aggressively stiff and grand;
(They suddenly modify their attitudes.)
Now to the other extreme you're tending—
Don't be so deucedly condescending!
DUCH. and Now to the other extreme you're tending—
CAS. Don't be so dreadfully condescending!
MAR. and Oh, hard to please some noblemen seem!
GIU. At first, if anything, too unbending;
Off we go to the other extreme—
Too confoundedly condescending!
DUKE. Now a gavotte perform sedately—
Offer your hand with conscious pride;
Take an attitude not too stately,
Still sufficiently dignified.
MAR. and Now for an attitude not too stately,
GIU. Still sufficiently dignified.
(They endeavour to carry out his instructions.)
DUKE (beating Oncely, twicely—oncely, twicely—
time). Bow impressively ere you glide.
(They
do so.)
Capital both, capital
both—you've caught it nicely!
That is the style of thing precisely!
DUCH. and Capital both, capital both—they've
caught it nicely!
CAS. That is the style of thing precisely!
MAR. and Oh, sweet to earn a nobleman's praise!
GIU. Capital both, capital both—we've caught it
nicely!
Supposing he's right in what he says,
This is the style of
thing precisely!
(Gavotte. At the end exeunt Duke and Duchess, leaving Casilda
with Marco and Giuseppe.)
GIU. (to Marco). The old birds have gone away and left the
young chickens together. That's called tact.
MAR. It's very awkward. We really ought to tell her how we
are situated. It's not fair to the girl.
GIU. Then why don't you do it?
MAR. I'd rather not—you.
GIU. I don't know how to begin. (To Casilda.)
Er—Madam—I—we, that is, several of us—
CAS. Gentlemen, I am bound to listen to you; but it is
right to tell you that, not knowing I was married in infancy, I
am over head and ears in love with somebody else.
GIU. Our case exactly! We are over head and ears in love
with somebody else! (Enter Gianetta and Tessa.) In point of
fact, with our wives!
CAS. Your wives! Then you are married?
TESS. It's not our fault.
GIA. We knew nothing about it.
BOTH. We are sisters in misfortune.
CAS. My good girls, I don't blame you. Only before we go
any further we must really arrive at some satisfactory
arrangement, or we shall get hopelessly complicated.
QUINTET AND FINALE.
MARCO, GIUSEPPE, CASILDA, GIANETTA, TESSA.
ALL. Here is a case unprecedented!
Here are a King and Queen ill-starred!
Ever since marriage was first invented
Never was known a case so hard!
MAR. and I may be said to have been bisected,
GIU. By a profound catastrophe!
CAS., GIA., Through a calamity unexpected
TESS. I am divisible into three!
ALL. O moralists all,
How can you call
Marriage a state of unitee,
When excellent husbands are bisected,