seeing so many croses befale, & the year time so farr spente; but others, in regarde of their owne weaknes, and charge of many yonge children, were thought least usefull, and most unfite to bear ye brunte of this hard adventure; unto which worke of God, and judgmente of their brethern, they were contented to submite. And thus, like Gedions armie, this small number was devided, as if ye Lord by this worke of his providence thought these few to many for ye great worke he had to doe. But here by the way let me show, how afterward it was found yt the leaknes of this ship was partly by being over masted, and too much pressed with sayles; for after she was sould & put into her old trime, she made many viages & performed her service very sufficiently, to ye great profite of her owners. But more espetially, by the cuning & deceite of ye mr. & his company, who were hired to stay a whole year in ye cuntrie, and now fancying dislike & fearing wante of victeles, they ploted this strategem to free them selves; as afterwards was knowne, & by some of them confessed. For they apprehended yt the greater ship, being of force, & in whom most of ye provissions were stowed, she would retayne enough for her selfe, what soever became of them or ye passengers; & indeed shuch speeches had bene cast out by some of them; and yet, besids other incouragments, ye cheefe of them that came from Leyden wente in this shipe to give ye mr. contente. But so strong was self love & his fears, as he forgott all duty and [43] former kindnesses, & delt thus falsly with them, though he pretended otherwise. Amongest those that returned was Mr. Cushman & his familie, whose hart & courage was gone from them before, as it seems, though his body was with them till now he departed; as may appear by a passionate letter he write to a freind in London from Dartmouth, whilst ye ship lay ther a mending; the which, besids ye expressions of his owne fears, it shows much of ye providence of God working for their good beyonde man's expectation, & other things concerning their condition in these streats. I will hear relate it. And though it discover some infirmities in him (as who under temtation is free), yet after this he continued to be a spetiall instrumente for their good, and to doe ye offices of a loving freind & faithfull brother unto them, and pertaker of much comforte with them.
The letter is as followth.
To his loving friend Ed: S.26 at Henige House in ye Duks Place, these, &c.
Dartmouth, Aug. 17.
Loving friend, my most kind remembrance to you & your wife, with loving E. M. &c. whom in this world I never looke to see againe. For besids ye eminente dangers of this viage, which are no less then deadly, an infirmitie of body hath ceased me, which will not in all lieclyhoode leave me till death. What to call it I know not, but it is a bundle of lead, as it were, crushing my harte more & more these 14. days, as that allthough I doe ye acctions of a liveing man, yet I am but as dead; but ye will of God be done. Our pinass will not cease leaking, els I thinke we had been halfe way at Virginia, our viage hither hath been as full of crosses, as our selves have been of crokednes. We put in hear to trim̅e her, & I thinke, as others also, if we had stayed at sea but 3. or 4. howers more, shee would have sunke right downe. And though she was twise trim̅ed at Hamton, yet now shee is open and leakie as a seive; and ther was a borde, a man might have puld of with his fingers, 2 foote longe, wher ye water came in as at a mole hole. We lay at Hamton 7. days, in fair weather, waiting for her, and now we lye hear waiting for her in as faire a wind as can blowe, and so have done these 4. days, and are like to lye 4. more, and by yt time ye wind will happily turne as it did at Hampton. Our victualls will be halfe eaten up, I thinke, before we goe from the coaste of England, and if our viage last longe, we shall not have a months victialls when we come in ye countrie. Neare 700li. hath bene bestowed at Hampton, upon what I know not. Mr. Martin saith he neither can nor will give any accounte of it, and if he be called upon for accounts he crieth out of unthankfullnes for his paines & care, that we are susspitious of him, and flings away, & will end nothing. Also he so insultēh over our poore people, with shuch scorne & contempte, as if they were not good enough to wipe his shoes. It would break your hart to see his dealing,27 and ye mourning of our people. They complaine to me, & alass! I can doe nothing for them; if I speake to him, he flies in my face, as mutinous, and saith no complaints shall be heard or received but by him selfe, and saith they are forwarde, & waspish, discontented people, & I doe ill to hear them. Ther are others yt would lose all they have put in, or make satisfaction for what they have had, that they might departe: but he will not hear them, nor suffer them to goe ashore, least they should rune away. The sailors also are so offended at his ignorante bouldnes, in medling & controuling in things he knows not what belongs too, as yt some threaten to misscheefe him, others say they will leave ye shipe & goe their way. But at ye best this cometh of it, yt he maks him selfe a scorne & laughing stock unto them. As for Mr. Weston, excepte grace doe greatly swaye with him, he will hate us ten times more then ever he loved us, for not confirming ye conditions. But now, since some pinches have taken them, they begine to reveile ye trueth, & say Mr. Robinson was in ye falte who charged them never to consente to those conditions, nor chuse me into office, but indeede apointed them to chose them they did chose.28 But he & they will rue too late, they may [44] now see, & all be ashamed when it is too late, that they were so ignorante, yea, & so inordinate in their courses. I am sure as they were resolved not to seale those conditions, I was not so resolute at Hampton to have left ye whole bussines, excepte they would seale them, & better ye vioage to have bene broken of then, then to have brought such miserie to our selves, dishonour to God, & detrimente to our loving freinds, as now it is like to doe. 4. or 5. of ye cheefe of them which came from Leyden, came resolved never to goe on those conditions. And Mr. Martine, he said he never received no money on those conditions, he was not beholden to ye marchants for a pine, they were bloudsuckers, & I know not what. Simple man, he indeed never made any conditions wth the marchants, nor ever spake with them. But did all that money flie to Hampton, or was it his owne? Who will goe & lay out money so rashly & lavishly as he did, and never know how he comes by it, or on what conditions? 2ly. I tould him of ye alteration longe agoe, & he was contente; but now he dominires, & said I had betrayed them into ye hands of slaves; he is not beholden to them, he can set out 2. ships him selfe to a viage. When, good man? He hath but 50li. in, & if he should give up his accounts he would not have a penie left him, as I am persuaded,29 &c. Freind, if ever we make a plantation, God works a mirakle; especially considering how scante we shall be of victualls, and most of all ununited amongst our selves, & devoyd of good tutors & regimente. Violence will break all. Wher is ye meek & humble spirite of Moyses? & of Nehemiah who reedified ye wals of Jerusalem, & ye state of Israell? Is not ye sound of Rehoboams braggs daly hear amongst us? Have not ye philosophers and all wise men observed yt, even in setled com̅one welths, violente governours bring either them selves, or people, or boath, to ruine; how much more in ye raising of com̅one wealths, when ye morter is yet scarce tempered yt should bind ye wales. If I should write to you of all things which promiscuously forerune our ruine, I should over charge my weake head and greeve your tender hart; only this, I pray you prepare for evill tidings of us every day. But pray for us instantly, it may be ye Lord will be yet entreated one way or other to make for us. I see not in reason how we shall escape even ye gasping of hunger starved persons; but God can doe much, & his will be done. It is better for me to dye, then now for me to bear it, which I doe daly, & expecte it howerly; haveing received ye sentance of death, both within me & without me. Poore William King & my selfe doe strive30 who shall be meate first for ye fishes; but we looke for a glorious resurrection, knowing Christ Jesus after ye flesh no more, but looking unto ye joye yt is before us, we will endure all these things and accounte them light in comparison of yt joye we hope for. Remember me in all love to our freinds as if I named them, whose praiers I desire ernestly, & wish againe to see, but not till I can with more comforte looke them in ye face. The Lord give us that true comforte