Kylie Jane Asmus

The Friday Night Debrief


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grimaced. “Like, what did I say that made you feel that way?”

      “You were just so full on. You asked me like all these questions straight away, like we were on a speed date or something. Where are you from? How tall are you? How old are you? Where did you used to work? You sure are purdy,” Mila said with her tongue hanging out and her eyeballs crossed.

      Kylie looked at her with her head tilted. “Baby, if you don’t ask, you don’t find out!”

      “Yeah, I get that, but you were just a lil OTT.”

      “Now you know that OTT is just me being me but, hey?”

      Mila didn’t answer she just continued talking and pointed to Kylie, “And you picked on my name. I don’t like people who pick on my name.”

      “Oh noooooo. I didn’t pick on your name mate. I was just trying to work out the origin of it. I do that to everybody, to try and work out how I could say their name in a sentence or what it could reference.”

      “Yeah I know that now, but to start with, I thought you were being a smart arse.”

      “Nahhhhhhh. I’m really not that smart!”

      “I think you are. You certainly think quick, I can say that now that I understand how that mind of yours actually works!” Mila said.

      “I thought you were bloody hard work, but I never gave up on ya!”

      “Me? How?”

      “I don’t know, maybe it’s because you were the nicest looking chick I’d ever met and I thought you thought you were too pretty to hang out with me...”

      Mila interrupted, “What? Why?”

      “‘Cause I’d invited you to a few things over a few months and you wouldn’t even try to get to know me, and like, I even cooked for you. I had to go and buy a cupcake tray just so I could cook for you. Do you know how much I hate cooking, and shopping for cooking items?” Kylie put her beading down and held both the palms of her hands open.

      “Hey, those cupcakes were goooooood. That was very sweet of you.”

      “Yeah it was sweet of me, but even after that, you still didn’t take up any social offers from me. I reckon if our boss didn’t give us one ticket each to the footy that night we still wouldn’t be mates.”

      “Maybe. I hope not. Well I’m sorry we weren’t friends sooner but I’m glad we’re friends now!” Mila said holding her arms out to give Kylie a hug.

      “Me too,” Kylie agreed hugging her in return. “Hey, Do you feel like going to the Sunday session for a couple of drinks? It’s come as you are day today.”

      “Sure! But I will have to go like this or go home and change,” Mila replied.

      “Yeah, you’re not going like that but you don’t have to go home to change either. You can borrow something of mine,” Kylie smiled.

      “Seriously? You’d lend me something. I don’t even lend my sister clothes, like ever!”

      “Now THAT is weird! Did your sister have big breasticles or something and leave indents in your tops and your frocks?” Kylie was trying to understand how Mila came to be from a non-sharing place.

      “Nah, we just didn’t ever, sort of, share. We’re very close in age and I think maybe we were just so competitive that we just wanted our own things for ourselves.”

      “Do you get along with your sister?” Kylie asked.

      “Yeah, sort of, better than we used to. We like the same music, that’s about it. I don’t know what it is? I’ve just always been closer to my girlfriends than my own sister,” Mila said frankly.

      “Even though she’s always been at your doorstep and would be there for you forever? Wow, I think my only worry about a sister would be that she’d steal my boyfriend. Other than that, I would love to have one.”

      “My sister stole my boyfriends a couple of times. Maybe that’s another reason why I chose not to share with her.”

      “Ouch!” Kylie said. “How old were you?”

      “It was when we were at high school. It wasn’t like really serious stuff but it happened when we were seniors. We’re only 11 months apart so we were chasing similar boys near the end of high school.”

      “Far out. Are you born in the same year?” Kylie asked.

      “No, different years but only 11 months apart. I’m older. She was always a bit wilder than me though, and she could steal my boyfriends coz she was heaps randier than me.”

      “Randier than you? She must have been quite the little slapper!” Kylie said in an English accent then laughed.

      “Oh yeah, she was quite popular.”

      “Do you hold anything against your sister for being a boyfriend thief?” Kylie asked.

      “Nah, I guess she wanted them more than I did. She was just trying to compete with me, and I’m not into that sort of sibling rivalry so I just stopped doing things with her and we probably grew apart from there. I focused more on my sports and she got stuck into putting on her makeup, styling her hair up and... opening her legs up. Didn’t bother me,” Mila said shrugging her shoulders.

      “Righto!” Kylie said taking a deep breath “Come with me. We must find something to change into, to make it look like we were already donning it,” she said walking Mila into her bedroom with her drink.

      Mila sat on the bed with one leg dangling over the side, and the other foot tucked under her bottom.

      Kylie asked Mila, “What shoe size are you, you look similar to me?”

      “8-8 ½ depending on the brand,” Mila replied.

      “Weeeeee! I knew it. That’s my size. Wow, I might want to claim you as my fashionista sister!” Kylie said rubbing her hands together then began talking with a French accent. “Okay, quick tour time, in de left top small drawer we have de flowers and de scarves, and in de right we have de bangles, de brooches, de necklaces and de bling. I will leave them all open for your perusal, then in de large drawers we have tops, skirts, shorts and I will make it easy peasy for you by bringing de fashion to you to sift through so you can see what suits.”

      Kylie carried each entire tallboy drawer onto the bed so that they could rummage through the various tops, shorts and skirts together then she walked over to the double cupboard and opened up the left door.

      “In de left side of de wardrobe, we have de shelves housing de variety of bags to suit de many circumstances one who is de social butterfly will require on de various occasions dat they will be invited to partake in. We have de day bags in the de top shelf, de tote bags, de evening bags, de clutches and de very necessary black bag range dat comes in no less than fifteen styles. I also have de collection of de fake and de real poshe noshe brands of de handbag variety, including de affordable 100% real life Guess range and de 1000% fake but oh la la! affordable knock offs. De fake range includes styles dat pay homage to de Chanel, de Prada, de Louis Vitton, de Burberry and de Coach.”

      Kylie continued, “Behind de right cupboard door we have de frockery museum where all of my fashion faux pas and triumphs are housed. They are divided into sizing for ease of dressing and come in an assortment of cash-well to summer chic, uber sexy and nightclub diva to bullfrog, I mean ball frock and cocktail wear. At de bottom of de frock shop we have de tootsie collection for de one who tinks she is de caterpillar, but in fact she is de magpie and fond of collecting de shiny tings as most of de shoesies are resplendent of bling and schparkle, sass and class. So dere you have it! Whoever said less is more was full of shit, clearly more is more!”

      Kylie covered her mouth with her right hand and hopped backwards popping her hips back and pointing her bottom out as she turned around to face Mila.

      Mila was sitting on the