gratification for all the hard work that I have put into the grand investment that is my life, I think that it will be much more meaningful once I do reach success.
“I am consumed by the societal and self-inflicted pressures to accomplish ‘life milestones,’ especially on a given timeline. It’s all I can think about.”
Student, 21, on a break, Arizona
BLINDED BY SELF-FOCUS
Growing up in the instant-gratification generation with a backpack full of expectations, it’s hard to avoid becoming overly self-focused. Not all twenty somethings are. But even those who commit to making a difference in the world — who fight this tendency by passionately working for political, social, and environmental change, by volunteering, or by simply making themselves aware of what is going on in the world — can, to put it bluntly, still be very self-absorbed. Infact, I think it is hard not to be given the conditioning of society. Moreover, many twenty somethings had “helicopter parents” (parents who were overinvolved in their child’s life). They were overscheduled, overstimulated, overanalyzed, and often overprotected. With all this “overing” and “hovering,” it’s no wonder that they may feel a bit separated from the rest of the world. And if you did not have parents who made you the center of their world, you are still influenced by the “me” mentality of today’s culture.
“A twenty something is someone who is constantly evaluating and analyzing his or her life and continually coming up with the answer ‘I don’t know.’”
Product manager, 26, recovering from a breakup, California
Twenty-something life today can be isolating — it’s not like in college where our best friends were delivered in residence halls and classrooms. There really isn’t a sense of community anymore. Do we even know our neighbors? Twenty somethings are living in a very competitive, externally driven “real world.” I believe this puts an enormous amount of pressure on young adults and often drives them into self-sabotaging, fairly careless, and often rebellious behavior. One twenty-five-year-old shares, “As a star athlete in high school striving toward a law degree at twenty, I assumed that everything would fall into place. My world revolved around me. My need for perfection, ‘to be the best,’ led me to try cocaine and fall into addiction. Today, I am clean from cocaine, but will always be an addict. That is something I never expected.” Self-focus can be dangerous and destructive. Being blinded by our own goals and desires can cloud our judgment. Youth tempts risky behavior, but it does make us invincible.
“BUBBLE OF INVINCIBILITY” by Diane, 24
DECLARATION: We are so focused on being and doingthat we are losing sight of the big picture.
I come from a generation where our parents told us that the world was at our feet, that we could do and be anything we wanted to be, but they forget to mention that there is more to life than that: the rest of the world.
My generation believes that it is invincible. Somewhere along the way we lost focus of the big picture and only focused on being and doing what we want, without worrying about the consequences. Invincible — incapable of being conquered, defeated, or subdued. We will get what we want and be who we want without anyone or anything defeating us. But obviously that is not real life; no one is invincible or immune to everything, yet we lead reckless and careless lives thinking that we are. We drink too much, drive too fast, have unprotected sex with numerous partners, lose touch with old friends in hopes of finding better ones, all the while thinking that when it comes to the consequences “that can’t happen to me.”
And regardless of what we see in the news every day (car accidents, alcohol poisoning, teen pregnancies and abortions, the rise in sexually transmitted diseases), we still continue to think, “It can’t happen to me. It won’t happen to me.” We look at those people and think that we are better and that things like that don’t happen to people like us. Until it does. Until you get the phone call bringing bad news of someone you care about . . . or until it is too late and someone is making that phone call about you.
In my experience, college and the few years after it seems to be the place where most of my generation lives in this bubble of “invincibility.” I know I did. My college years were filled with partying all night long and running around all day. Sleep didn’t matter. I will never forget my moment of “defeat” when I woke up in a hospital after a night of partying. In that moment, I suddenly realized that I was not invincible. I would be lying if I said that I did not, in some ways, go back to my old lifestyle. I still partied a lot and slept very little, but I did become more aware of what I was doing to myself. Aware of the fact that I am not invincible. But what happens after you realize you are not invincible? Eventually, twenty-something life will kick in again and the behaviors that brought us defeat will be pushed to a dark corner in our mind. Suddenly, we are invincible again . . . claiming to have learned . . . and go back to leading our lives with reckless abandon.
Is this way of life something that we ever grow out of? I mean right now we are in our carefree twenties. When we hit thirty years old, will we grow up? Will we face the fact that no one is invincible to life, or will we continue in our wild ways, not worrying about how it will affect those we love?
THE PETER PAN SYNDROME
For some, the twenty-something experience really is like Never-land — a place outside of time where you get the freedoms of adulthood without all of the adult responsibilities of mortgages, spouses, children, aging parents, and all the other things that make eternal childhood seem so appealing! Not every twenty something is having a crisis. Some are having the time of their lives, partying hard and living fast. I liken it to the “Peter Pan Syndrome,” which is not limited to guys. It’s a form of escapism, denial, and delayed adulthood, and it’s accomplished by a lot of play, feelings of invincibility, and self-obsession.
“I feel like I’m stuck between floors in an elevator, trapped in this limbo between being an adolescent and being an adult. I still want to have fun, but I’m supposed to be a ‘grown-up.’ I’ve graduated from college, I have a full-time job, and yet I still live at home. I feel like life is on warp speed sometimes, but then when I realize where I am at, I feel like I’m crawling along.”
Assistant editor, 24, serious relationship, Illinois
On the surface, the Peter Pan Syndrome sounds attractive, just the kind of fun twenty-something experience we are supposed to be having. But don’t get too green with envy — every Peter Pan eventually wakes up. In fact, underneath, these Peter Pans feel a twinge of fear and long for a sense of purpose. Living a fast-paced life while racking up debt is basically a way to avoid growing up and making choices by covering up the underlying questions about the lack of direction they feel. It’s important to have fun in your twenties, but if your kind of fun is irresponsible and distracts you from responsibilities or unresolved issues, just remember that eventually you are going to wake up. Balance your trips to never-never land with reality checks.
DECLARATION: Despite my unknown future,I will keep working to find change, driving to be successful,and most important, having fun and enjoying lifeto the fullest as my direction takes its time to unfold.
Life as a twenty-five-year-old guy is pretty simple. I really have three primary focuses the minute I get out of bed — girls, having fun with my buddies, and trying to earn a lot of money so I don’t have to work as hard in a job I’m really not that passionate about. And yes, it’s pretty much in that order.
I’ll admit that while there is a level of attitude that comes with this package, on many levels there