move you or make you go “aha.” Commit to doing the exercises and answering the questions. I encourage you to keep a journal in a notebook or on your laptop to capture your insights and ideas along the way.
WE ARE MORE ALIKE THAN WE ARE DIFFERENT
We really are more alike than we are different. This can be hard to remember, or even believe, since we live in a culture that focuses on what we look like, what we do, who we are with, what we have, and all the things that make us feel unique. But when we focus our attention inward, we begin to feel more connected to one another. We all cry, laugh, hurt, grow, worry, fear, think, make mistakes, obsess, dream, and love. As Alissa, twenty-seven, shared with me, “At this stage in my life, I’m always looking for people to latch on to who have felt the same, to see how they dealt with things and how I can get myself out of this suffocating black hole.” We all have felt like we were in a black hole from time to time, but we must trust that, when we reach out to others, we’ll find an experience, a person, or an intuitive connection that will shed light on our paths.
As you read, pay attention to the stories that really resonate with you, evoke an emotional reaction, or inspire you. There is a bit of you in every story — though we connect more deeply with some than others. Remember how certain films completely moved you? Reading or experiencing other people’s stories creates an emotional impact and an opportunity for learning at a heightened level because it’s not personal. When it’s not about you, it’s easier to see yourself. I’ve experienced this in my coaching practice; even as I counsel others, I learn about myself from my clients. They force me, unknowingly, to stay on top of my “stuff.” They inspire me to keep investigating, to keep understanding myself, and to keep moving toward joy and wisdom.
YOUR TWENTY-SOMETHING TOUR GUIDE
If this is your manifesto, then think of me as the tour guide. I selected each story because I believed there was a lesson to learn or an insight to share. As the narrator who is reading between the lines, I offer suggestions on how to learn from your fellow twenty somethings. I hope you will be inspired and that their experiences will move you to tears, laughter, and action. This manifesto is a compass — it may point you in the right direction, but it’s up to you to follow it.
You may notice that I use a lot of analogies — it has become part of my coaching and writing style. Why? Well, it actually has to do with the way the brain works. The left side of the brain focuses on rational thought, logic, and intellect, while the right side has a little more fun and operates our creativity and emotions. We need to use both to solve our problems. When reading a book, our left brain does most of the thinking. The problem is that we usually pick up self-enlightenment books when we have roadblocks in our lives that we can’t logically think our way past. Even when our left brain understands the problem — in its very literal, black-and-white language — we may not solve it without the emotional and creative involvement of our right brain. Analogies evoke the pictures we need to “turn on” our right brain, which supports us in solving problems and dealing with emotions. And hey, if you are going to take the time to delve into this book, you might as well get the full-brain-experience guarantee.
Since the beginning of my own quarter-life crisis more than eight years ago, both sides of my brain have been a sponge soaking up information. What I have learned I share with you, and it comes from a potpourri of teachers and sources. But as I say above, this book is a map, not the gospel. It’s a “manifesto” — a declaration of “intentions, motives, and views” — not the answer. Only you know what is right for you. If something resonates and raises questions I don’t address, I encourage you to pursue your own answers in whatever way is personal and relevant to you. As one of the many tour guides you will have along your journey, I’m honored and excited to share this manifesto with you.
“It seems like every decision you make in your twenties is the most important decision of your life. It’s like you’re standing at many crossroads, and they’re all beckoning you to take a risk.”
Writer, 26, serious relationship, Texas
CREATING A
TWENTY-SOMETHING COMMUNITY
My hope is that you connect with this book and then want to connect with one another. For that reason, certain contributors’ names are listed on pages 337–39. Others have stayed anonymous; however, if you read a story by someone you feel a deep need to connect with, please email me ([email protected]) and I will seek permission to get you in touch with him or her.
There is also a Twenty-Something Manifesto website that you can access at www.20somethingmanifesto.com to share your thoughts, comments, stories, and insights. I know that I have not covered every topic, so I encourage you to share the stories, perspectives, and issues that are missing! The manifesto does not end with the last page of this book; twenty somethings continue to write it each and every day.
TWENTY SOMETHING IS TWENTY EVERYTHING
“The most difficult thing about being twenty something is that this is the time when you build your foundation for all aspects of life, including job, love life, family, and finance. It takes time to see the results, it’s difficult to focus on the ‘now,’ and sometimes I want to give up because I start doubting that what I am doing is for me.”
Recruiter, 25, serious relationship, Virginia
You have arrived at an in-between stage of life: your twenties. This is a time between being a kid and being a real, full-fledged grown-up. It is a a time of firsts, decisions, changes, surprises, and — for the most part — a pretty good time. But then there are those other times that aren’t so good. When those not-so-good times pile up until you feel like they fill your whole life, you know you are having a twenty-something, or quarter-life, crisis.
An in-between stage of life is by definition full of transition, and many common twenty-something transitions naturally put you at unfamiliar crossroads or dead ends. In this part of the book, we’ll look at the common behaviors, feelings, and challenges that mark these transitional times. We’ll also look at the disappointments that often come with the twenty-something experience and investigate ways to deal with Expectation Hangovers. You’ll discover that the key to dealing with struggles and stresses is learning to see your twenties for what they are rather than trying to make them something you think they should be. Pack up your brain power, experience, gut feelings, and courage — you’ll need them all as you embark on the twenty-something journey.
| 1. | YOUR TWENTY-SOMETHING JOURNEY |
“Being a twenty something is a time when everything in life is uncertain. I feel like the rug is constantly being pulled out from under me. The overwhelming guilt for not being happy for what I have in my life combined with constantly feeling like there is more to achieve and not enough time is exhausting. I wonder, is this as good as it gets?”
Executive administrator, 24, single, Minnesota
Remember puberty? Would you rather not? For many, those memories aren’t exactly fond ones — acne, voice cracking, mood swings, and uncomfortable awkwardness. Yet we all expected it and made our way through it. How come we don’t call adolescence a “crisis”? Because it’s a normal part of our development. A twenty-something crisis is just