a fun play-in-the-mud-during-a-rainstorm kind of messy — other times it’s a your-car-is-stuck-in-the-mud-and-it’s-all-over-your-new-suit kind of messy. If you are struggling to find balance and direction, welcome to really being twenty something! It’s okay — once you remove this intense pressure to do, be, and have so much on the outside, and shift your focus inside, you will see that you get to decide what your twenty-something years are really about. You are the expert, you have the answers, and you will be your own greatest motivator.
But I bet you don’t feel like an expert. . . . In fact you are probably craving expert advice from someone. Like some kind of sign from the heavens that will tell you what to do or reassure you that what you are doing is “right.” Perhaps you are confused over the life you are “supposed” to be living versus the life you are actually living. Twenty-something life is not like an episode of Friends, but for some reason we think it should be. This has left a lot of twenty somethings stressed out on the inside while trying to be something they think they’re supposed to be on the outside. No more. Welcome to the Twenty-Something Manifesto.
“The most difficult thing about being a twenty something is trying to sort out where I fit in life. Am I an adult or am I still a child in many ways? What am I going to do with my life? I feel confused and overwhelmed in general. That is what I find difficult about being a twenty something. I wish I came equipped with a manual.”
Sales associate, 25, separated, Ohio
This is a book about one of the most important journeys of your life, the twenty-something journey. As you travel thru this manifesto, you’ll hear from people who are just packing their bags for the trip and people who are at the end of the journey reflecting on what they saw, experienced, and learned along the way. Hopefully, the information and stories shared in this book, along with some nudging and support from me, will encourage you to give in to the ride of your twenty-something experiences. As you do, your dreams will unfold and answers to your questions will become clearer. All the twists and turns, unknowns, and Expectation Hangovers™ that come with this decade will make sense eventually. I promise. You just need to give it some investigation and time. So let go of the safety bar, toss your hands in the air, let out a scream, and enjoy the ride. . . .
Since writing Twenty Something, Twenty Everything, I have seen firsthand the immense need for guidance that twenty somethings have and their thirst to feel “not alone.” I have received thousands of emails and letters from twenty-something women and men (as well as from their parents) asking for more information, advice, and feedback. At the end of almost every email is the question, “Am I alone in feeling this way?” or, “Am I the only one going through this?” To anyone faced with uncertainty, sadness, or disillusionment, I can unequivocally tell you — you are not alone.
When I finished my first book, I was twenty-seven years old and I thought I knew a lot. Sitting here at thirty writing this manifesto, I realize that there was a lot I didn’t know that I didn’t even know I didn’t know. The point is that each moment of life, each experience, each breath provides another opportunity for learning and growth. There is no such thing as knowing it all. Wisdom continuously evolves. Each person we come in contact with, whether for years or minutes, has something to share with us. I have been blessed with a life rich with people sharing their most profound experiences and have had many of my own; however, I do not know it all.
“The twenties are about not knowing anything, but thinking that you do. It’s realizing the mistakes you’ve made and figuring out how you are going to fix them inside your soul. It’s about knowing you’re going to be okay, even though it doesn’t feel that way.”
Consultant, 27, married with two stepchildren, Virginia
What I do know is that we all have a purpose in life, and this purpose evolves as time ticks on and experience shapes and teaches us. At this point in my life, part of my purpose is to be a voice of encouragement and support for those experiencing a twenty-something crisis. Over the past five years, I’ve become a sort of “twenty-something expert,” and here’s what I’ve learned: The twenty-something crisis is a melting pot of issues; one topic or issue never stands alone. Twenty somethings desperately want to know how and what other twenty somethings are doing or did to get through their issues. And just talking about the issues is not enough; a practical manual is required that covers how to deal with all the real-life stuff not learned in college or from parents. I call it “twenty-something self-enlightenment.” I like the word “self-enlightenment” much better than “self-help” or “self-improvement,” which imply something is wrong with you — and there isn’t!
WELCOME TO THE
TWENTY SOMETHING MANIFESTO
“Manifesto” is defined by Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary as a “statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer.” Let me just say this book is not only my manifesto — it is yours, the collective voice of twenty somethings. It’s a place for twenty somethings to throw off the reputation and stereotypes society places on them and describe their lives the way they actually live them. It’s a place for twenty somethings to voice what they are really going through and feeling. Not just job angst, not just relationship drama — but the nitty-gritty stuff that no one talks about. Even those who constantly write about their lives on blogs or MySpace, telling every intimate detail, may find themselves lost — asking questions but not coming up with answers. Twenty somethings need a road map, one that shows a path through their own troubled ground.
“The hardest thing about being a twenty something is not knowing if you missed the boat on getting to where you want to be in ten or twenty years. I just feel like I missed something someone said during college, and everyone else heard it but me.”
Marketer, 26, serious boyfriend, Colorado
This book is meant to help you create your road map. To do so, you will have to learn about yourself along the way, and this takes time, patience, and experience. I know: you want answers now! I can’t promise that, but I’ve filled this manifesto with the stories of twenty somethings, and in their struggles you may find the answers and lessons you need. The suggestions, advice, and exercises in this book are inspired from my own life, from the lives of my clients, from an online survey I conducted involving over a thousand twenty somethings, and from the twenty somethings who were inspired to write a personal story for this manifesto. These stories appear throughout and include a “Declaration” in which the person encapsulates the predominate take-aways from his or her story. Quotes by twenty somethings reflecting on their lives appear on nearly every page, and these include each person’s “stats”: profession, age, relationship status, number of children, and place of residence. The status of these “stats” preoccupies the thoughts of most twenty somethings I know.
This manifesto is a collection of puzzle pieces that each person will assemble in his or her own way. We begin by emptying the box and identifying all the pieces that make up our own twenty-something puzzles. We then identify where we are in our journeys and discover ways for making them a smoother ride. As we assemble our ideal picture, we’ll see if certain puzzle pieces are missing, or if some do not fit, and decide what to do about them. Finally, we will celebrate the completion of our puzzles with stories of surviving and thriving.
“One of the hardest parts of being a twenty something is feeling that you need to achieve it all — whatever ‘all’ may be. It’s a feeling of urgency, like you need to achieve in every area of ‘life’ — career, marriage, family, money. All the while being happy and content. It’s a feeling of great pressure — that if you don’t work it all out now, you are setting yourself up for a fall in your thirties.”
Teacher, 27, married, Australia
You can read this manifesto from beginning to end or jump in at any