your risk of complications, the more comfortable you should both feel about the future that you can share together. Discuss your concerns with your partner. If you suspect that he or she feels negatively about your diabetes, talk about it. You may be right about your partner’s feelings or you may discover that this is not how he or she feels at all. An honest and open discussion will hopefully provide you with information that you can use to help strengthen your relationship.
Turning Your Life Around
“I used to be the fat guy that you would stare at in the grocery store. My cart would be filled with high-fat desserts, sausages, regular soda, chips, and more. When diabetes hit, I immediately felt that I had done it to myself. In the back of my mind, I knew that it would happen and then one day it did. Wham! When I got that blood test report back from the doctor, I felt my stomach sink. All I could think was, ‘why didn’t I say no to the choices I made?’ When my wife learned about my diabetes, she immediately blamed herself. For years, she supported all of the bad behaviors that I had developed. We both ordered in pizza and drank beer on Saturday nights. We both sat in front of the television for hours on end snacking on junk food and sugary sodas. And we both never made a move to … move! We didn’t do any physical activity of any type. Suddenly, the diabetes that I had caused was going to ruin both of our lives and our dream of us growing old together.
Fortunately, my doctor insisted that we attend the diabetes classes at the local hospital. I learned how to make better food choices, checked my blood sugar regularly, began walking each day, and started to lose some weight. Lucy joined me for the walks, which made them far more enjoyable. I began to feel younger than I had felt in a very long time. I was becoming healthier and more energetic. If I hadn’t been diagnosed with diabetes, I never would have made any of these changes. Now I’m in far better shape than many of my friends. It sounds strange to thank diabetes for anything, but I really do. And so does my wife. With my previous lifestyle, she always believed that she would end up as a young widow. Now that I’ve changed so dramatically, we both look forward to a bright future together.”—Chuck
YOU MAY FEEL DEPRESSED
About 30% of all individuals with diabetes experience some form of depression. Why these two conditions tend to go hand in hand is not clearly understood, but we do know that having diabetes doubles the risk of becoming depressed. When you are depressed, you may experience:
Feelings of depression can be overwhelming and affect every area of your life, including your intimate relationship. Individuals with depression describe how they feel in a variety of different ways. Some say that they feel blue or numb, while others experience actual physical aches and pain.
Depression’s Toll on Marriage
Mark has had type 2 diabetes for several years. He never paid much attention to it, because he always felt fine. Recently, however, Mark and his family have noticed a very definite change in his behavior and attitude toward the things that he used to enjoy. He no longer asks his wife and children about their day when he arrives home from the office. He doesn’t plan family activities for the weekends like he used to do. All he does is lie down on the couch and watch television. He doesn’t even care what’s on. He’ll watch old movies, reality shows, and even the poorly written sitcoms that he always considered to be a waste of time. Nowadays, he feels so tired that he can’t muster up enough energy to do much else. At first, his wife worried that he was ill, but that concern quickly turned into frustration. He never listens to her, doesn’t compliment her on anything she does, and no longer wants to join her for a night out to see a movie or be with friends. Mark is depressed and it is affecting their relationship.
Physical Effects of Depression
“I have had type 1 diabetes for about eight years. I used to have so much joy in my day. Tom and I loved holding hands as we watched television. The little things made us happy. Now I can barely get out of bed. Don’t even mention romance to me. I don’t want any part of it. I feel like I have a flu that won’t leave.”—Diane
Coping with depression
Depression can be challenging to deal with, but there are several things you can do to help improve your situation.
Keep your blood sugar level in a healthy range
High and low glucose levels can cause emotional swings and exhaust you. Your partner may find your mood swings challenging as well. It is more difficult to connect romantically with someone whose demeanor can’t be predicted. Ways to accomplish this goal will be discussed in greater detail in chapter 3.
Participate in some form of physical activity every day
Exercise releases endorphins (“happy hormones”) that lift your spirit and help fight mild depression. Sexual activity is a healthy form of exercise also. Don’t underestimate the mental and physical value of connecting with a person in an intimate way.
Share your problems with a qualified counselor
It can be helpful to talk over your relationship problems with a neutral third party. Ask a member of your health care team for a referral.
Discuss your feelings with your physician
There are many different depression medications available today that are quite effective. One may work for you.
Pray or connect with your church, synagogue, or spiritual group
Research shows that people who have a spiritual connection handle the challenges of diabetes better than those who don’t.
The emotional connection that you create with your partner is important for your relationship. If that area of your life has been altered because of your diabetes, do what you can to heal it. It will help you enjoy the intimate life that you want and deserve.
Depression Risk Assessment
Take the following assessment exercise to see if your feelings of depression require more urgent medical attention. Circle the number for each statement that best describes how often you felt or behaved this way during the past week.
Scoring the Depression Risk Assessment
To determine your score, add up your responses to all of the questions: _________
If your total score is 16 or higher, you should consider taking action immediately—contact your health professional for a referral to a qualified mental health professional.
If