that’s replacing.)
8. Kelly wore old, worn-out shoes. (Nobody notices the scuff-marked heels, do they? Um, yes. We do.)
9. Ava kept the Mother’s Day gift of expensive scented lotion in the cabinet, feeling it was too good for every day. When she finally felt like she had an occasion special enough, she found that it had spoiled.
10. When other people asked Ethan, who was caring for two young kids and his ailing mother, if they could help him out, he would automatically say, “Oh, no thanks,” even though he really could have used an extra hand. He didn’t want to appear needy, even in his time of need.
11. Daniel refused to get new clothes because he was going to lose weight any day now.
12. Ashley thought it would be a waste of money to hire a great coach (or therapist or trainer or teacher) to help her achieve her goals. She kept thinking she should be able to do it all by herself, but so far, anyway, her actions haven’t matched her ambition.
13. Christopher was not keeping his professional skills or his résumé up to date. (Even just keeping a hard copy of your résumé around so you can make little notes on it whenever you get promoted, finish a big project, or obtain a new degree or certification will make it easier to get a new job when you want one, or to negotiate for a better salary in the job you have.)
14. Megan, an artist, didn’t spend enough time cultivating professional relationships, so her circle was small and her resources were limited.
15. Hannah never upgraded her computer. Nor did she back up. (A disaster waiting to happen.)
16. Victoria never allowed herself to sleep in, even when she could.
17. Kayla would fall asleep in movies because she was so exhausted.
18. Kevin had clutter. A lot of clutter. (We’ll talk about the clutter thing more in chapter 47.)
You might feel like it is impossible to find enough time in the day to be well rested, intellectually stimulated, physically active, and well put together, but I assure you that it’s entirely possible. In fact, you probably know someone like that — someone who always looks great, is rarely tardy, and always seems to have a good attitude. That person is that way because of his or her habits. And I promise you, it takes exactly the same amount of time to not take care of yourself as it does to take care of yourself.
It takes exactly the same amount of time to not take care of yourself as it does to take care of yourself.
How do I know? Because everyone gets the same twenty-four hours a day. No one gets more. Some people take that twenty-four hours and manage to raise kids, write books, have hot sex, forgive themselves their belly pooch, and all the other stuff you keep thinking you’ll get to “someday — when it’s not so crazy.” Guess what, honey? The crazy is not your circumstances. The crazy is you.
When you start treating yourself well, you will find that everything else gets a lot easier:
• When you are rested, your mind is clear, and you make better decisions.
• When you are well fed, you are less reactive, and you can more swiftly process information.
• When you are stretching yourself creatively, you become a better problem solver.
• When you feel great about yourself and how you look, your confidence empowers you.
You would never let a child run around ragged, exhausted, underfed, and undercuddled, would you? So please, stop thinking that you taking excellent care of yourself is a luxury you can’t afford. Because the opposite is true: neglecting yourself is a luxury you can’t afford.
The world needs you. The world needs your good work. The world needs your love, your compassion, your insight, and your great good humor. Especially when things get tense, like in traffic jams and at the airport and in line at the grocery store behind the person who’s trying to use an expired coupon and at family events (bless!) and at that horrible monthly sales meeting — and everywhere else you are, too.
The world needs your good work.
LITTLE CHANGES ACTION STEP: Stop rushing. Give yourself a moment of transition between activities. Before you get out of the car, or go into the meeting, or pick up the phone, take three deep breaths (4:7:8) and think something nice about yourself. Just a microsecond “reset” will allow you to be more present and attentive, even when your schedule is jam-packed.
Dear God,
The daily grind has got my Spirit by the neck.
There are too many things to do, and I am exhausted down to My bones.
Even the things I like to do feel like a chore, and in all this ordinary chaos,
There is no room for me to make art.
But I hear you whisper that I was not created in your image
To run errands.
And that a year from now, no one will remember the imperfect nutritional value of tonight’s dinner, but everyone will remember the piece I create.
So, just for today, I will claim some time — ironclad, nonnegotiable, uncompromising, turn-off-the-phone time — to do the work that you designed me to do.
That is my promise to you, so that I might fulfill your promise of me.
Love,
Me
5.
I’M GOING TO INTRODUCE YOU to a wonderful and somewhat radical phrase, and I want you to write it down right now: “Nothing is more important than my well-being.”
You picked up this book because you want your life to be better. And I am here to tell you that the only way your life is going to get better is if you start treating yourself better. So say this phrase aloud and see how you feel about it: “Nothing is more important than my well-being.”
As we move through this work, you’re going to need to repeat this phrase to yourself over and over again. We’re not just putting self-care on the list as an afterthought. We are moving it right up to the very top of the list. In fact, it might become the whole list.
I realize how crazy that might sound. After all, I once walked around with pneumonia for six weeks because I was so busy holding down three part-time jobs (delivering flowers, which was miserable; office receptionist, which was unspeakably dull; and teaching acting, which was great), producing a play at my theater company, appearing in a successful late-night improv comedy show, and still keeping up with the housework that I didn’t notice that my bad cold had turned into something much more serious. The idea of taking time for my own self-care was so remote that I became quite, quite ill.
What thoughts start racing through your mind when you imagine letting the betterment of your own well-being make your decisions for you? “That would be so selfish. . . . I would never do anything for anyone else. . . . Too many other people rely on me.” But is that really true? I bet that when you are well cared for and your inner monologue is friendly, you actually get more done for the people around you. And what if everyone took great care of themselves? What if everyone was well fed and well rested and had a kindly inner monologue going on? Could be a whole new world.
Let’s unpack this “Nothing is more important than your well-being” a bit more.