Roots of Empathy. Mary Gordon

That was a milestone too, wasn’t it?” says Jack.

      When Leah begins to show distress, Sharon asks the class, “What is Leah telling us?’

      There are several responses: “She wants her mommy.” “She’s mad.” “She’s tired.” “She’s frustrated.”

      “So what should we do?” asks Sharon.

      “Give her to her mommy,” the class says in unison.

      Sharon has written a list on a flip chart showing some “baby milestones” such as crawling, sitting, walking. As Leah cuddles into her mommy’s shoulder, Sharon reads them out and asks the children which of these things Leah can do now. They respond with a loud “Yes” to rolling over and sitting. When asked about crawling and walking, they say, in unison, “Not yet.” For children this “not yet” is a very comforting reminder that they will eventually reach their own milestones. They may not be able to read a whole book yet but they can sound out a lot of words and that big milestone will come just as surely as Leah will learn to walk.

      Sharon asks the class about how to keep Leah safe now that she can roll over and sit up. One child has a story to tell. When her mother was a baby, her grandmother left her for just a second on the change table, and the baby rolled right off onto the floor. The children nod in agreement when Sharon says babies shouldn’t be left alone on a change table. Several children talk about how Leah can reach out and pull things down like a tablecloth, now that she can sit. There are lots of suggestions about the dangerous things that could be sitting on that tablecloth.

      Leah’s mother contributes, “When I leave her alone in a room, I put her in the playpen. And I’m getting safety gates for the stairways.” She adds that she replaces Leah’s pacifier every two or three months, because the rubber can wear out and become a choking hazard.

      Leah begins to babble and the children laugh at the sounds she makes. When Sharon tries to get Leah’s attention with a foot rattle, Leah rolls away from her and smiles at some of the children nearby. Sharon says, “I guess she’s more interested in Reuben than the rattle!” The little boy sitting beside Reuben says, “No, she was smiling at me!” Reuben insists, “No, me!” Leah watches entranced as they argue good-naturedly for a minute, then Reuben concludes: “Okay, both of us.” Sharon asks them how it feels when Leah smiles at them.

      “Very happy. Smiley inside,” they reply.

      Sharon asks Leah’s mother’s permission to play “This Little Piggy” with Leah. When her mother agrees, she begins the song “This Little Piggy Went to Market.” But after just two lines, Leah pulls her hand out of Sharon’s hand and rolls over, closer to the children. She smiles up at them again. “What’s Leah telling me now?” asks Sharon. “She doesn’t want you to do ‘Little Piggy,’” offers one child. “She wants to play with us,” says another. They are adept at reading the baby’s cues.

      Gently, Sharon rolls Leah back into position and repeats the song “This Little Piggy” while holding each of Leah’s fingers in turn. As she finishes, Leah pulls her hand away and begins to fuss. Her mother quickly picks her up, and Sharon comments: “Leah didn’t like the piggy game but she’s happy with her mommy.” Sharon coaches the children through the social and emotional cues Leah used to solve her situation. “How did Leah tell her mommy that she needed her?”

      “With her voice—she got whiny.”

      “What else did Leah do—what did she do with her hands?”

      “She pulled her hands away from you.”

      “What about Leah’s face? What did you see there?”

      “She looked right at her Mommy with a grumpy face.”