The Forgiveness Solution. Philip H. Friedman

       Exercise: Stressors

       In the space below, write down a list of stressors you have experienced in the last year that you didn't want to happen. Let's call them Disappointment Stressors. These can be small stressors, such as the washing machine breaking down, or large ones, such as your father, mother, or pet dying. Make a chart in your journal like the one you see below. After each stressor, write a number from 1 to 10 that indicates how strong your emotional reaction was to that stressor, with 1 being no reaction at all and 10 being a very strong emotional reaction. For example, the washing machine stressor may have triggered an emotional intensity reaction of 3 out of 10, and the death of a parent may have triggered an emotional intensity reaction of 9 out of 10. If you need more space, copy the form below or use a blank sheet of paper.

       APRIL'S RESPONSE

       Now list those stressors that had to do with things you wanted to happen and didn't. Let's call them Expectational Stressors. Again, these can be small stressors, such as you wanted to get a small promotion at work and didn't get it, or large ones, such as you wanted your partner to propose to you and it didn't happen. After each stressor, write down a number from 1 to 10 that indicates how strong your emotional reaction was to that stressor. Let 1 be no reaction at all and 10 a very strong emotional reaction. If you need more space, copy the form below.

       APRIL'S RESPONSE

       Discovering Your Old Films and Old Tapes

      If you are like many people, you will have an automatic emotional reaction in response to the stressor. Usually this is because there are some old films and tapes playing inside your head in the form of unresolved grievances, judgments, complaints, hurts, guilt, fears, and anger; that is, negative emotions that have not been released. These old films and tapes are always from the past—for example, when you were young, you were poor, or one of your parents died suddenly when you were eight. Maybe when you applied to be in the school play, you were turned down, or when you were hoping to be invited by a certain boy or girl to the school prom, they invited someone else.