baby’s face is relaxed and her eyelids are closed and still. Her body is almost completely motionless, with only tiny, almost imperceptible mouth movements.
When your baby is in this state, you may be alarmed at the lack of movement and be afraid she has stopped breathing. If so, lean as close as you can and listen for her breath. Otherwise, gently put a hand on her stomach (she should be sleeping on her back—for information on why this is so important, see page 104) and feel it rise and fall. Try to resist the urge to wake the baby up—in fact, do not wake up a sleeping baby unless your pediatrician has told you otherwise. Instead, use the time to post the latest pics or catch a few Zs yourself.
ACTIVE SLEEP
Eyes are usually closed, but may occasionally flicker open. The baby may also smile or frown, make sucking or chewing movements, and even whimper or twitch—just as adults do in their active sleep state.
Half of a baby’s sleep time is spent in quiet sleep, the other half in active sleep, with the two states alternating in thirty-minute shifts. So if your sleeping baby starts to stir, makes a few crying noises, or seems to be waking up unhappy, wait a few seconds before you pick her up to feed, change, or hold. Left alone, she may well slip back into the quiet sleep state.
Newborn babies are capable of a lot more than crying, sleeping, filling their diapers, and looking around. Just a few hours out of the womb, they are already trying to communicate with those around them.
Marshall Klaus told me about playing a game with an eight-hour-old girl in which he asked one colleague (who was a stranger to the baby) to stick out her tongue slowly while holding the baby. After a few seconds, the baby imitated the woman. Then Dr. Klaus took the baby and passed her around to twelve other doctors and nurses who were participating in the game, all of whom were told not to stick their tongues out. When the baby finally came back to the first doctor, the baby—without any prompting—immediately stuck out her tongue again. Even at just a few hours old, she had apparently remembered her “friend.”
Interacting with Your Baby
Although it may be tempting just to sit and stare at your baby, marveling at every little thing she does, you’ll need to do a lot more than that if you’re really going to develop a relationship with her. Here are some of the best ways to get to know your baby:
• Hold her. Newborns love to be held and carried around. If you can, take off your shirt—skin-to-skin contact helps warm the baby, and you’ll love it too. It’s perfectly fine for you to lie down on your back and let the baby nap face down on your chest. But remember, this is the only time that she should sleep on her tummy.
• Talk to her. No, she can’t understand a word you’re saying. In fact, she barely even knows you exist. But talk to her anyway—explain everything you’re doing, tell her what’s happening in the news, and so forth—it will help her get to know the rhythm of the language.
• Change her. It doesn’t sound like much fun, but diaper changing is a highly underrated bonding experience—a great time to interact with the baby one-on-one, to rub her soft belly, tickle her knees, and kiss her tiny fingers. For at least the first month or so, she needs to be changed every two hours—a baby’s supersensitive skin shouldn’t soak in human waste—so there are plenty of opportunities. See “Diaper Changing 101” on pages 30–31.
• Keep her clean—but not too clean. You may take a shower every day, but until your baby starts crawling, she’s unlikely to do anything that would get her terribly dirty, so there’s no real need to bathe her more than once or twice a week—any more than that could unnecessarily dry her skin. Two small exceptions: it’s okay to wash the baby’s face every day using plain water, and carefully clean everything covered up by her diapers every time you change her. When you’re cleaning your baby’s head, pay close attention to the soft spots on the top; sometimes you can see them beat in time with the baby’s pulse. These soft spots (called fontanels) have a purpose—to allow the baby’s skull to make it through the birth canal without breaking—and the skin covering them is pretty sturdy, so there’s no reason to worry about harming the baby when washing the area.
Diaper Changing 101
By the time your baby gets potty-trained, you’ll have changed about 10,000 diapers (more for boys than for girls, and way, way more for twins), so the faster and more efficiently you learn to get the job done, the less time you’ll spend doing it. Here’s the short course:
1. Get everything you need ready before you start: fresh diapers, water, towels, and a new outfit (mostly for the baby, but you might need one too, if things get messy enough). Stay away from commercial baby wipes for the first few weeks. Even the ones that are alcohol-free contain too many chemicals for brand-new skin. Use wet washcloths (room temperature is fine) or cotton balls instead. If you’re planning to be away from the house at any point during this period, bring along some moistened disposable washcloths in a resealable plastic bag.
2. Find yourself a nice, flat place to do the job. Changing tables—or any other sturdy table—are great. Some changing tables come with straps for holding the baby secure, but don’t rely on them—make sure you keep at least one hand on your baby at all times. Newborns are surprisingly strong—and clever too—and she’ll pick the precise second you choose to turn around to propel herself over the edge. The floor is probably the safest spot, since there’s no possibility of the baby falling, but it can be hard on the back (yours).
3. Undress the baby enough to free her legs. Be sure to take off her socks, if any. Babies love to kick their legs while they’re being changed and have an uncanny ability to drag their feet through their own poop.
4. Lay the baby face-up on the changing surface. Some babies absolutely love having their diapers changed and are perfectly calm throughout the whole process. Others will kick and squirm and bounce and scream. If your baby is less than thrilled to be there, hanging a mobile right above the changing surface might provide enough distraction for you to do what you need to do. In the early days and weeks of parenthood, you and your partner might want to do some of your diaper changing as a team, one of you getting the supplies, entertaining the baby, and maybe holding those flailing legs, while the other does the actual cleaning.
5. Open a clean diaper and place it underneath the baby. Then unfasten the old one, gently lift the baby up by her ankles, and pull the dirty diaper out. Be sure to immediately cover the baby’s genitals with a towel or cloth diaper. This isn’t for modesty purposes; it’s to keep you dry when the sudden rush of fresh air on your baby’s crotch causes him or her to spray you.
6. Clean the bottom and genitals well—if there’s a clean spot on the old diaper, use that to make a first pass. For girls, wipe from top to bottom to minimize the possibility of infection-causing bacteria getting into the vagina. For boys, clean under the scrotum. Keep a gentle but firm grip on your baby’s ankles until you’re through with step 8. With your free hand move the soiled diaper out of the way.
7. Apply diaper rash cream, but only if you really need to. Skip the lotions for the first few weeks (again, too harsh), and never, ever use baby powder that contains talc. Besides being a carcinogen, it can damage the lungs if inhaled. If you happen to have been raised in a family that doesn’t think a baby is properly changed unless her bottom is covered in white powder, consider a nontoxic alternative containing cornstarch or natural, clay-based ingredients.
8. Fasten the diaper—snugly but still loose enough so it doesn’t pinch the skin. And fold down the front edge so it doesn’t rub against the cord stump. If the baby pees or poops into the new, clean diaper (which they love to do), repeat steps 4, 5, and 6.
9. Wash up—your hands and the baby’s feet, if necessary. I’ve found that keeping a bottle of Purell or other cleanser is great if you aren’t near running water.
10. Get the baby dressed.
Changing diapers is an acquired skill; it won’t take long before you’ll be able to do it with your eyes closed (although you