confrontation with their own wounded humanity. We all love imperfectly and we all hurt even those we love most and most want to serve. But it is when we have the courage to face our broken humanity and be vulnerable that God is able to work through us far more powerfully than when we are relying too much on our own human strength. We are much more likely to get into difficulties and betray our calling when, like Peter, we are so confident and enthusiastic that we overreach ourselves or claim to be more competent and resilient than we are.
Tend My Flock is also written with an awareness that those who get things badly wrong, causing untold damage in the way they minister, have almost always set out with high hopes and ideals. Usually the slide into unethical or abusive practice happens gradually, with the small acts of self-deception and compromise that we are all prone to. Naming some of the issues, particularly those which are seldom talked about in ministry, may help to overcome the fear which can isolate ministers and prevent them from acknowledging vulnerability to colleagues or to those they serve. The hope is that the reflections offered in this book, the practical suggestions made and the questions raised, will encourage self-awareness and realism about the risks inherent in pastoral ministry.
The book focuses not only on areas of risk but also on how ministers can sustain their ministry by taking proper care of their own needs for rest, relaxation and support. It also encourages discussion between the minister and those close to them about the impact of ministry on their pattern of life and relationships. In this there is recognition that we are all members of the flock that needs tending. All who are called to offer pastoral care to others also need to receive love and care and to learn an appropriate love and care for themselves and their families, if they are to remain faithful to their calling and to minister in ways that are life enhancing. Loneliness, isolation and the insulation that comes when we protect ourselves from hurt often lie behind poor pastoral practice. Pastoral care cannot be done without support from other people and is never one-way.
Theological reflection, the sacraments, prayer and meditation are also vital. Self-awareness can grow through a willingness to examine our inner responses to people and situations in the light of Scripture and with the help of insights into human emotional and psychological development. This process needs time for prayer and reflection in solitude, but it cannot be done in isolation. True self-understanding is always discovered in community, in the context of our relationships with other people. There are some aspects of ourselves that we simply cannot see for ourselves. We need someone else to hold up the mirror and reflect back to us the parts that they can see but which are hidden from our view. This demands a context of trust in which we can let go of fear and feel safe enough to explore and share our fear and self-doubts with others. The danger for ministers, particularly those who are ordained, is that their position of authority may insulate them from the kind of honest feedback from other people which we all need if we are to grow in self-awareness. When criticism comes in a form that is so disguised that it provides no useful information, the minister is deprived of valuable insights into how their behaviour affects other people. When it is given in ways that are hurtful and bewildering, then he or she may retreat from authentic encounter in order to avoid further pain. We all need to experience loving acceptance if we are to risk revealing our true selves. Then we may learn to allow others to confront us, in love, with those aspects of ourselves that cause difficulty in our ministerial relationships.
This guide is not only about recognizing areas of difficulty. It can also be used to create opportunities to affirm our own and other ministers’ good pastoral practice. There is a place for reflecting carefully and prayerfully on an aspect of ministry, checking out our perceptions with others and acknowledging that it is an area where we function well. Specific positive feedback and thoughtful encouragement play a crucial role in building up confidence and energizing us to meet new challenges. Ministers who receive affirmation and discover how encouraging it is are more likely to give affirmation to those they serve. Parishioners who feel affirmed by their ministers are also more likely to respond to them with encouragement. In church life we often fail to encourage or express our appreciation to one another, but we all need affirmation from others to sustain us in ministry, particularly through the inevitable times of discouragement. Identifying what we and other ministers do well and why something has been successful is a vital part of becoming more effective in ministry.
Notes
‘Minister’ is used to include both lay and ordained ministers.
‘Ordained minister’ is used when focusing on issues specific to clergy.
‘Parish’ and ‘benefice’ are used interchangeably.
‘Area dean’ and ‘rural dean’ are used interchangeably.
Ways of Using this Book
Who is this book for?
Tend My Flock is designed to be used by:
ordained and lay ministers
anyone considering training for ordination or lay ministry
theological training courses
training courses for lay ministry
training incumbents and curates
continuing ministerial education programmes
clergy preparing to take up senior appointments
family members or close friends of ministers or prospective ministers
counsellors working with clergy and members of their families.
Personal study and reflection
The guide does not have to be read consecutively, but the introduction should be read first, and then:
each chapter stands alone but there is a progression through the book
one or two sections may be sufficient to reflect upon at any one time
choose those that seem most relevant, don’t attempt to work through too many
questions are for personal reflection and prayer, but not all are suitable for group discussion
keeping a journal of reflections can be a helpful way of exploring issues more deeply
the book can be used as a personal record, with the reader adding comments, reflections, Bible or other references to the text
issues arising from personal reflection and prayer could be explored further with a spiritual guide, counsellor, ministerial consultant or supervisor
issues arising from personal reflection and prayer could be talked over with family members, friends or peer colleagues in ministry.
Use in groups
Specific topics from Tend My Flock could be used with a variety of groups including:
pastoral care reflection groups on theological training courses
continuing ministerial education groups for curates
training courses for training incumbents
ministry teams
clergy chapter meetings
clergy peer support groups
senior staff groups
churchwardens
diocesan support staff
marriage partners or others with whom the minister shares their life
groups set up specifically to study Tend My Flock
support or supervision groups for counsellors working with clergy and their relatives.
Guidelines for group use
Participants and group leaders should all read through the Introduction and these guidelines before making a commitment to use the book together.
Choosing