confidence in yourself.
Which of these two girls would you rather introduce yourself to?
Make eye contact. Looking someone in the eyes tells that person that
you’re interested in knowing her better. If you’re not looking at the other
person, she may think you’re bored or want to be somewhere else.
Which of these two would you like to invite over to your house?
Relax your arms. As soon as someone walks up, relax your arms. If you
fold your arms across your chest, you might send a signal that says you
want that person to stay away from you. If you place your hands on your
hips, you might look impatient or unfriendly.
Which of these girls would you like to ask to sit with you on the bus?
asking for
what you
want
Speaking up isn’t always easy,
but others can’t help you if
they don’t know what you want.
Begin by choosing a good place
and time to talk. Then pair con-
fident body language and a
good attitude with a calm voice
and the right words.
Quiz
just say the word!
How do you rank when it comes to asking for what you want?
Take this quiz to find out.
1. Your family is going on vacation, and you’ll have
to miss a few days of school. You approach your
teacher and say:
a. “My mom says you need to give me the
work I’ll miss.”
b. “Could I take some work with me to keep
from getting too far behind?”
c. Nothing.
2. You don’t get any playing time during the
game, so you’re frustrated and confused.
You walk up to the coach and say:
a. “It’s not fair! You keep putting in your
favorite players.”
b. “Excuse me, Coach. I’d like to talk with
you about my play time tonight.”
c. “Thanks. See you at practice.”
3. A friend asks you to come over to her
house after the swim meet, but you’re
exhausted. You say:
a. “Ugh. I’m too tired.”
b. “I would love to, but can we do it
another day? I’m so pooped that
I wouldn’t be any fun.”
c. “Sure.”
4. A girl you admire is running for student council,
and you want to help her with her campaign.
You say:
a. “I’m your new campaign manager, OK?”
b. “I think you would be a great student
council president. Do you want help
with your campaign?”
c. “Good luck. Hope you win!”
5. You want your best friend to come to your
fancy recital, but you’ve never seen her wear
anything but jeans. You say:
a. “If you come, you gotta dress up. No one
wears jeans.”
b. “I hope you can make it to my recital.
It’s formal, but I’d love to help you find
something fun to wear!”
c. Nothing. You hand her an invitation and
hope she figures it out.
Answers
Bulldozer
If you circled mostly a’s, sometimes you can be too demanding. Tone
down your approach, or you may find people avoiding you.
Blissfully Balanced
If you circled mostly b’s, you know how to share what’s on your mind
without offending or embarrassing others. Your approach will get you
through almost anything.
Barely Noticed
If you circled mostly c’s, no one will be able to tell what you want or
need—you’re not telling! You find it hard to speak up, but if you don’t,
you’ll end up feeling stomped on. Find your voice. Know that your
bravery will be rewarded with less stress and more enjoyment in life.
what to say
if you want
something from
an adult
When talking with grown-ups, it’s best to stick to the facts. Speak clearly
(no mumbling!), be respectful, and state exactly what you need.
If the restaurant gets
your order wrong:
Excuse me, ma’am. I ordered
the chicken and this is beef.
If the man at the movie
concession stand looks
scary, but you want to order:
I’d like a small popcorn
and a lemonade, please.
If you want to write a
paper for class about
your neighbor’s career:
Ms. Bello, I have
a school project on careers,
and I was hoping I could ask you
a few questions about your job.
What would be a good time?
If a teacher says, “I need
a strong boy to carry this
box,” and you want to help:
How about
a strong girl? I’m
willing to help out.