Kirsten de Bouter Shillam

The Every-Year Itch


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on the treadmill going nowhere very fast. It’s paying the bills and keeping you so safe that you run the risk of being immobile. When the sun shines you might forget about it, but in the rare moments of solitude, you realise in fact that life is short.

      It doesn't need to be this way.

      These are the stories I have heard for over 24 years from people from all walks of life. The successful, the famous, the sole trader, the company owner, the new start up, the working parent, the millennial, the student. Without exception they all wanted something different, something more adventurous or settling, something self-determined, something in tune with their talents, more true, something more fun, energising and ultimately something more personally successful.

      They all had an itch. An every-year itch. Maybe undiagnosed, or fully acknowledged, but an itch that made them uneasy. It turned up frequently and they tried to ignore it. They were reminded of it, they planned to address it, but without seeing it through. The itch to live differently. The itch to unleash untapped talents, personal power and potential, to only be reminded that it’s safer to play inside. The itch to think bigger, the itch to stand for something, the itch to dare to be unique and yourself.

      They were awake to the fact that there could be more to their lives. That their goal or aspiration however big or small needed seeing through in order to change their world.

      Some had no idea how to define their itch, some didn’t know they could have one. They simply added up the visible experiences in life and drew the conclusion that they didn’t fit or weren’t good enough. Some were aware of an itch but simply couldn’t believe that there would ever be a way to go after it, amidst the common rules they tried to adhere to. Some had a screaming itch, an urgency, but didn’t know where to begin.

      In working with these people and organisations, I learned that people are so much better than their experience in life leads them to believe. Tapping into the resources that people have or encouraging them to expand their vision brings endless sustainable creativity and inspiration. It brings settlement and collaboration. If we are wasting the resources of the planet we live on, then we certainly haven’t even begun to tap into the vast resource of human capability.

      There is a different way in these changing times with endless possibilities. This unease is no longer something that people sense every seven years. It’s real, it’s necessary and it’s something that you can do something about with the right support, skills and inspiration.

      Welcome to the Every Year Itch.

      Join the journey. After reading this, your life will not be the same.

      READ IT DIFFERENTLY!

      Carry the book around in your workbag, handbag, schoolbag, or try and fumble it into a coat pocket if it will fit. Have it next to your bed, on the kitchen table. This is about your itch! Don’t find time to read this book, make time. Read it on the run and whilst reading, change the run.

      Read this book front to back, in reverse or start somewhere in the middle. Maybe use it as an “Oracle” and open the book at a random page and see if it holds a message for you that day. Don’t use this book how you have been taught to.

      Use this book to refuel your fire, spark ideas and to remind yourself of what you want to achieve. Use it for daily motivation. In the process let the book become weathered with notes, page folds, highlights and the necessary blemishes, stains and tears that mean that you have actively worked with your itch. Reflect and act.

      DON’T READ THIS BOOK AS A TEACHING MANUAL ON HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.

      YOU HAVE YOUR LIFE AND YOU HOLD ALL THE CARDS.

       IN OTHER WORDS . . .

       AVOID

      NEAT BOOKMARKS,

      FINDING SACRED READING HOURS AND USING SEPARATE NOTEBOOKS

      Take on the journeys in Itch, Pivot and Play. Above all, keep it light:

      • Whatever speaks to you loudly: stop and spend time.

      • Experiments: try on for size when it feels right.

      • Play with words. Let words speak to you in different ways aside from their conventional meaning.

      • “Cynical self alerts”. These voices will rear their little nagging heads trying to make you listen. It’s a voice, but not necessarily yours. Consider it, don’t let it consume you. Cynicism is rarely constructive.

      • Allow yourself to be moved. Play, discover and look at something from a different viewpoint. Many new, small beginnings create a new movement. Do something differently today and again tomorrow.

      PEOPLE ARE SO

       MUCH BETTER

      THAN THEIR

       EXPERIENCE

      IN LIFE

      LEADS THEM

      TO BELIEVE

      -ITCH-

      WHAT'S ITCHING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION?

       There she was: a successful businesswoman in her incredible office. Wealth displayed on every wall and ceiling. Plush chairs and tables with piles of plans and possibilities. She seemed to have it made. A celebrated figure, often asked for quotes and interviews. Why her?, jealous people wondered.

       Behind the cushions and the shiny wallpaper, hid a different picture. She felt down. Cried for no reason. The obligation to feel proud of her success suffocated her. The “overwhelm” of the tasks forced her into a corner. An endless stream of responsibilities in which she reluctantly played the lead. She really wanted to come off stage, to be creative instead of on show.

       What did money mean if life was grey? Her body and mind were exhausted, uninspired. “Why are you so sad when you have success?” her friend asked one day. And the businesswoman replied: “All I ever wanted to do, was to play the violin.”

      Introduction

      Every day I meet people who have an itch. They long for change and daydream about travelling, changing where they live or having a more inspiring job. They would love to work less, part-time, volunteer or work for themselves. They want to be healthier, fitter. In short, they want to do life differently. They have had it on their list for ages but each time it’s been overruled by more “important” matters, obligations, meetings, admin tasks or it’s their turn to walk the dog.

      MANY PEOPLE PRESENT A LIFE TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, WHILST HARBOURING A SECOND UNLIVED LIFE OF TALENT INSIDE THEM.

      People live an obedient life to the outside world, whilst harbouring a second life inside that could be terrific if ever deployed. The outside life is modelled on examples and conforms to what is expected. The inside life is your unique version of your life, built upon your natural abilities and aspirations, rich in creativity and personality.

      The tension between the two can be a painful internal dialogue. The discussion is never completed; the outside life wins as the wheel of the daily grind requires you to be somewhere. The inside life gets dismissed under perceived assumptions of it being impossible or not the right time. You reason there might be a chance for what lights you up one day, once your lists have been completed and the work is done. The longer you stay away, the less likely it is that you find ingenious ways to express yourself within the confines of what you have already built.

      Eventually dreams are buried. They itch at times. It’s tolerated for years whilst things stay the same. Going through the daily grind is easier than finding what truly adds meaning to life. The eat-work-sleep-repeat that is only broken by a once-a-year holiday. A monotony that ensures experiences are not being had, places