control the monetary events leading to a bright outlook, not only for yourself, but possibly for your heirs as well. Adhering to the formulas outlined in this book will typically result in achieving financial security that can lead to a worry-free retirement, no matter your income bracket.
RELATIONSHIPS
With over half the marriages in the United States ending in divorce, family makeup has become, in many cases, more complex. Often, this complexity has led to division, jealousy and animosity among family members. Coupling this additional negative element to the usual disagreements among members of intact families, familial strife is quite a common occurrence. As one who has conducted family therapy sessions for many years, I can attest to the viciousness and hatred that can fester between people who at one time felt love for each other. Retirement should be a time of peace-making and a time to set aside differences and propose a truce to all hostilities. The mind should be cleansed of negative feelings. You are above bad-mouthing anyone; it is beneath your status now. You have arrived at a level beyond petty grievances. All feuding and ill-will should be shed like a worn-out coat, not only for the tranquil results but for the peace of mind and pride it will instill.
MARRIAGE
Nothing can be as disruptive to retirement planning as an unstable marriage. Knowing you have married someone who will be a trustworthy partner through good times and bad is a gift beyond words. I have been blessed to have been married to the same good woman for over fifty years. However, despite this very stable marriage, I can tell you it has taken a lot of emotional effort on both our parts to make it work. We are only human. We are not angels. There are no perfect people and adjustments have to be made to accommodate a happy union.
A couple’s retirement needs to be a unified action, with both partners fully committed and ready to share responsibilities. Each partner should be acquainted with financial and other obligations to be able to take over day-to-day leadership should the other become incapacitated or pass away.
Today, many couples are choosing cohabitation over formal marriage. This, along with multiple marriages and complex families, complicates estate planning and retirement goals. These issues will be addressed later in much greater detail, but one should always be adequately represented legally and financially by professionals in these matters. Otherwise, the results can be catastrophic. Binding prenuptial agreements can protect against threatened retirement assets and should be considered whenever there is a substantial difference in the wealth of the two uniting parties, especially when there are other potential heirs already in place.
Do not jeopardize any sizeable retirement benefits on the whim of a love feeling you experience in older age, something you may feel you have never had before. Remember the geriatric years are the years when the past is measured against the future as never before. You are more prone to reminisce about missed chances and lost romances than you did in younger times. You are also more apt to fall for romantic folly. The ancient adage “There’s no fool like an old fool” bears witness to the truism of this warning. In many ways this is the most vulnerable time of your life, both mentally and physically. Do not be taken in by a misplaced longing for something that is not real and can be devastating to your future.
VICTIMIZATION
Always remember that if you are aging and have accumulated an enviable nest egg, you are a tempting target for charlatans. Some criminals specialize in robbing or vandalizing the elderly and infirmed. Try never to place yourself in harm’s way. Do not be alone or in deserted or out-of-the-way places. Be wary of schemes or strangers offering unsolicited help. Heed the wise axiom: “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” Don’t become a victim. Physical or financial harm can be catastrophic to retirement plans. The psychological trauma of abuse or neglect in older individuals can be more debilitating than in younger people, who can bounce back more easily. The resultant depression can be devastating.
LIVING ARRANGEMENTS
Safety should also be a factor in choosing where to live after retirement. This is especially important if one is alone or suffering from illness. Health and self-reliant abilities should determine whether to stay in an apartment, single home, duplex, retirement community or nursing facility. Unfortunately, in cases of extreme disability, family members are often required to make these choices and sometimes not in the best interest of the retiree.
Moving in with friends or relatives can become complicated, with disagreements over the division of chores and financial obligations. After doing things a certain way for many years, the adjustment to the habits of others can be annoying and lead to displeasure and disharmony. Know yourself. If you do not readily adapt to accommodate the desires of others and have had bad experiences attempting to do so in the past, do not obligate yourself to live with others. No matter how much you love your children and grandchildren, if at all possible do not move in with them. Having spent many hours in family therapy sessions with unhappy family members, I can attest to the truth of the old saying that “Familiarity breeds contempt.”
ADJUSTMENTS
The later years of life test our ability to overcome the cruelties of the aging process. One by one we are called upon to give up cherished activities and people we love and admire. It is a time of trying our resilience as we never have before. It is a time of pain, a time of loss and a time of such despair to some people. It is a time when we may have to rely more on others than at any other period since early childhood. It is a time when we are robbed of our strength, our vitality, our good looks and vanity and are left only to recall the memories of these precious things taken from us. However, it can also be a time wherein we muster sufficient energy to retain hope for the pleasures yet to come: victories yet to be won, birthdays yet uncelebrated, weddings yet to be danced at, books still unread, movies and plays yet unseen and music yet unheard. If we cannot dance at those weddings, we can stand or sit at the side of the dance floor and clap. In what time is left to us, we must go on in joy, despite our pain and disabilities. We can conquer the adversity of old age with a sense of good purpose, with courage and conviction in our ability to overcome the ravages of aging.
REFLECTIONS
As more of life lies behind than in front, there is more to recall than to anticipate and subsequently memories capture more of the thinking hours, especially in a leisure-oriented environment. Daydreaming also becomes more frequent when there is additional time to spend with one’s inner self. The long-suppressed questions that continue to nag on beg attention. What would have been had I done this instead of that? If I had chosen another path from the one I did go down? Second-guessing is the fool’s errand of a mind with time to waste. When time is relatively short, time is a precious commodity not to be wasted in useless supposition. Live well with the choices you have made. They were the best you could do given the circumstances, your background and what you were comfortable with at the time. We all make good and bad choices during a lifetime. The success lies, as with all things, in the percentages and the balance the choices create. As long as they tilt toward the positive, as most likely they do to have gotten you to this point, be satisfied with yourself and do not dwell on what might have been. Had you chosen differently, things could be much worse.
In contrast to obsessive thinking about possible mistakes, focus on the most successful things in your life: your family, your achievements and the happiest moments of your existence.
REGRESSION
It is natural to consider retirement to be a return to a form of childhood. Old age