In the worst sense it means to focus on the childlike senility of seniors, with loss of memory, decrease in bodily functions and sometimes questionable behavior; but in the best of cases, the ones we strive for, it means reaching a plateau of contentment, what some call Nirvana. In ancient Sanscrit, Nirvana means “a blowing out”: the blowing out of senseless striving, of useless competition, of the need for envy and wishing harm to befall others and instead reaching the degree of security of a happy childhood.1 This is the goal of a life based on the attainment of serenity, not merely achievement. The greatest achievers may be unhappy and unfulfilled in other aspects of their lives, while those who seek out the road to self-gratification in harmony with their environment gain the solace of peace.
In all of your endeavors, an avenue of moderation—avoiding extremes—appears to be the proper path to a contented later life, after labor’s end.
There is no crime in catering to the inner child, present in all of us, when we no longer need to hide the craving for this indulgence. Wishes can now become realities. Previous deprivations need no longer occur. Goals can be met, strivings fulfilled, wrongs corrected and overdue obligations given attention to. The personal world, which might have seemed to be going in the wrong direction, can be made right again.
LOVE
It goes without saying that love is the most important human emotion. Often overused, the word love is attached to inanimate objects as well as people. In many societies humans have sometimes come to love things more than people. This is particularly true in persons who have been hurt and disappointed by those close to them, particularly when they were young and formulating their relationships to others.
The damage caused by painful experiences in the prototypical relationships with parents and surrogates can lead to an inability to fully trust or relate properly, even to a love object. A resultant psychological armor can then engulf the individual so as to not allow that closeness of spirit that is required in true caring. The sensitivity required to appreciate the feelings of others is then lessened to the point, at times, of inflicting hurt and in the extreme even harm, with little or no care.
Without even considering sociopathy, we have to address the hardening of feelings that may occur in a life filled with perceived disappointment, failure and perhaps even cruelty. These psychological deficiencies, undetected and unaddressed in earlier times of avoidance and repression, might, with greater self-awareness, be brought to one’s attention and treated. Even people who merely unintentionally have neglected those who are close to them due to work distraction might, in retirement, seek professional help to overcome these causes of love blockage. Retirement, in these cases, may be a time to consider getting individual or couples counseling in order to improve, or even save, those relationships.
Having spent a sizeable portion of my career administering geriatric psychiatric care, I can attest to the value of psychotherapy, as well as the usual medicinal therapy required in the treatment of older patients. Many adjustment difficulties of the retirement period can be worked out, gaining emotional improvement with proper therapy.
Everyone deserves to be able to enjoy and appreciate true love during their lifetimes. It is the right and privilege of every human being. To not have experienced it in one form or another, be it love of a partner, family member, cherished work or devoted cause, is a psychological deficit and leaves a void. To have reached the retirement age without having experienced it due to an intrapsychic blockage is a condition that may be treatable; therapy is advised. The old saying “Love makes the world go around” is self-explanatory in describing how romantics feel about this emotion. Without love there is no sense of true caring, no feeling of completeness, no exhilaration of spirit.
Some find a substitute in religion or devotion to a cause to compensate for lack of person-to-person commitment, but without love there is an undeniable emptiness. Unfortunately, I have encountered this suffering in the psychotherapy of older, usually depressed, patients, who feel a loss of love, being ignored or neglected.
SAFETY
Having lived a life to the point of being able to no longer need to work to earn a living usually means that there has also been an accumulation of the trappings of wealth: pieces of art, furs, jewelry, valuable coins and the like, bought or inherited over a lifetime. These may be precious to their owners because of the memories and associations attached to them, besides their monetary value. They are also the target of burglars. Homes with such valuables should be adequately insured and protected with burglar alarms. The loss of the life of a loved one is the most devastating of losses, but the loss of objects of attachment which may have come to represent such a loss can also be a cruel blow and has to be protected against. While affection for non-living items has been denigrated as misplaced caring, those who have become enamored with such memorabilia can be severely hurt by a criminal intrusion, especially when these items are representations of important events and barriers against loneliness.
PETS
If one does not enjoy a robust social life, retirement can lead to long hours of loneliness. This can readily be abated with the companionship of a faithful animal friend or even a few. The petting of a dog or cat can bring calm and has been reported to lower blood pressure. An old adage states that “Anyone who doesn’t think you can buy love has never visited a pet store.” To couples who are suffering from “empty nest syndrome,” the adoption of an affectionate animal can, in some way, impart a feeling of substitution to soothe parental needs. Walking and romping with a dog can reprise earlier adventures of pleasure and joy and aid in recapturing the carefree attitude of long ago. A loving pet, for many, can be a suitable companion during retirement.
WISH-FULFILLMENT
Recently much media attention has been drawn to the “bucket list” or the things we want to do before we die, perhaps unusual experiences we had no time for or frankly were too ashamed or too fearful to attempt before. Well, retirement is a time of bravery, a time to set shame aside, a time of adventure, to be free enough to go where you have not dared to go before. You no longer have to worry about what others may think or say. If you have had a previously hidden desire to do something, go ahead and do it. There is no longer anything or anyone to fear, no scolding or meaningful retribution for any legal undertaking that doesn’t harm someone else.
Be brave enough to fulfill your heart’s desire. Retirement is the perfect time to set aside previous inhibitions.
CONTEMPLATION
With added free time, it is only natural to expect that there will be periods spent away from other people by oneself. Existential philosophers have decried the absence of self-awareness in modern society. People are generally so involved with their work and others that there remains little time and effort spent in self-examination. Many go through life not truly knowing themselves, what they want, what they like and what their potentials really are. Some spend a lifetime pleasing others and becoming what other people want them to be. They never truly find themselves and never understand who they really are. Retirement can be a time to rectify this absence of self-awareness, a time to find oneself, to no longer just be what one does, but to learn who one is. What are your true wants and desires, not the ones you have been indoctrinated into? The finding of oneself is necessary to complete the personality and gain perspective on the requirements for the pursuit of happiness.
LANGUAGE
It has often been said that communication is the basis of all lasting relationships and the basic ingredient of communication between people is still language. Despite all of the relatively recent advancements