the type of behavior you need to replicate to ensure that your breakthrough process is protected and nurtured. How you behave and respond to your needs and weaknesses during a hatching period can be the deciding factor in your future ability to soar or stay down, like a grounded bird.
Becoming
“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey does not end.”
―Michelle Obama, Becoming
It was such an incredible experience to sit and listen to the wisdom First Lady Michelle Obama poured out as she spoke to a packed audience during her Becoming book tour. What was most impactful was the fact that this beautiful, accomplished, and respected woman (who is also a graduate of Princeton and Harvard) was so transparent about her journey that was far from perfection and forever evolving.
It was widely reported that Michelle’s superpower during her book tour was her ability to create intimacy at a large scale; specifically, at arenas, with seating capacities hovering around twenty thousand. She was not always able to share her feelings like that. In fact, she told reporters that, during her time as First Lady, she felt obligated not to let the country see her vulnerabilities. She felt that her job was not to nurture herself. But when she and Barack left the White House, she was ready to hatch, leap, and soar.
She was able to write and share her feelings in Becoming about her personal journey, including the fertility treatments she received, the miscarriages she endured, and the marriage counseling the couple went through after their children were born. It just goes to show that even the most highly regarded individuals are often going through the same feelings you have. Amazing, but true.
When she was First Lady, there was a tremendous amount of pressure that was unduly and often subconsciously placed on Michelle to arrive at a particular place or position in order to be validated. I agree wholeheartedly with her clear sentiment that the true measure of validity should be seen as the ability to keep arriving, arising, and evolving. The person who refuses to stay stagnant for too long and seeks to constantly become a better version of themselves is the one who will enjoy the most fulfilling life.
While I did not feel a stroke of lightning at the initial moment that I faced moving out of my comfort zone in order to hatch into a better version of me, I later realized that it was one of the highlights of my life. In becoming, you actually acknowledge that, to get to the best version of yourself, there will be fears to face, hurdles to overcome, and a perpetual process of starting again to evolve into the best that you can be.
After spending several seasons of my life securely fixed in what I thought was a safe place, I now enjoy a newfound freedom in the art of becoming. Like most things worth having, this process is beautiful in the end, but is most definitely a process. Becoming is also a personal commitment to taking the necessary steps to reach your place of awakening.
Over the span of my fundraising career, I raised more than fifty million dollars. I had become a prolific and sought-after fundraiser. But at the same time, a quiet disruption was happening inside me that seemed to be urging me to stop and examine “who was I created to be” versus “what I was good at doing.”
I distinctly remember the series of events that began to push and provoke me to dig deeper into those thoughts. I had accepted a volunteer role as children’s director for my church. It was an absolute dream. I loved helping children learn and develop a relationship with Jesus. I also enjoyed providing motivation and support to their parents. Once again, I felt that I was doing what I was created to do.
Even though I also had a full-time job, working as a volunteer was what centered me. I felt as if I was living a fulfilled life. With fulfillment comes fruitfulness, which was reflected in the community’s growth. I was not the only one who I could see what was happening in the children’s ministry. My pastor decided to offer me a full-time paid position as the children’s director. I was overjoyed! It felt so right! And, while it would turn out to be a huge pay cut, my husband and I discussed it and agreed that it was an opportunity that I should pursue.
I was convinced that this was the right path for me. I was willing to pare down our spending and go without the things that did not really matter to become who I was meant to be. There is something exhilarating about peeling back the layers of excess to reveal the number of objects holding you back. Without these encumbrances, you can get back to the core desires of your heart and become you again.
I submitted my resume and waited.
A few short days later, I received a call from the church’s human resources department to book my first interview, which would be over the phone. When I joined the call that day, I found that I was interviewing for an entirely different position. If this chain of events surprises you, consider how I felt!
While the interviewer assured me that I would remain as the volunteer children’s director, he then offered me a position as director of sponsorships and fund development, which came with a very healthy salary.
Even though this was a different outcome than what I had expected, at the time it seemed to make sense. After all, wasn’t I really good at raising money? So, it was a logical fit. Right? Wrong!
The problem was that I had planned an order of operations for myself, and this new state of affairs was not part of my strategy. In retrospect, I realized that, during this particular season of my life, I was beginning to hatch out of what I was good at and break into what I was created to do. Unfortunately, I did not take hatching into consideration when weighing the pros and cons of this offer. Needless to say, I took the job.
While it was an amazing opportunity and I excelled in my role, I once again found myself back in the same rut I had been trying to escape. I was feeling unfulfilled. As if that was not enough, because the position was extremely demanding, it was not long before I had to resign from my volunteer role with the children’s ministry. Even now, when I think about this turn of events, I sigh out loud. Because I was unable to invest the needed time and effort into what I believed the children and their parents deserved, I let it go.
This was such a conflicted time for me. Working with the children—motivating and inspiring them—was the place where I had felt the most joy. But I had to give it up for more time to work in a job that I was “good” at. I was right back where I had been before. This turned out to be a huge setback to my hatching process.
Once again, I began to feel the tightness of an invisible shell around me that I desperately needed to break through. Once again, I realized that my comfortable place was anything but. I just had to hatch.
Looking back at those feelings, I understand now that the process of breaking through your own personal shell can take the form of many obstacles. My fundraising abilities were just one thing keeping me from breaking free.
I am here to tell you that the process of breaking free is no picnic.
•It is scary.
•It is tiresome.
•It is difficult…but in the end, it is definitely worth it!
The primary reason that breaking through and breaking out takes so much effort is because finding out who you are created to be does not always feel good. It is not easy to reevaluate yourself. But, one of the most fascinating exercises that I have ever done is to look into my own psyche. I vividly remember the erratic emotions that erupted as I hit this unfamiliar place in my process. The feeling I remember most was vulnerability.
I had grown through the ranks to become a master at fundraising. Did breaking out of my shell mean that all the knowledge I had acquired over the years would be for nothing? An even greater concern was that I might have to make my way through the ranks of a completely new area of expertise.
The answer was yes and no. No, because my fundraising skills would become essential tools to help me build my personal brand. And yes, I would have to grow and learn additional